I scratch at the flush burning across my jaw. “Uh, sorry. I’m a bit sleep-deprived.”
Her eyebrows are still raised. “You do seem a tad frazzled, no offense.”
A limp shrug jostles an ache in my shoulder. Everything fucking hurts lately. “None taken, and I deserve it regardless. Did Audria tell you what happened between us?”
Sondra drops her gaze, suddenly finding a pile of snow more interesting. “A little, but I haven’t seen much of her myself. She revealed enough that I should probably call you an asshole.”
“I deserve that.” I sigh.
“You certainly do. What gives, Reeve?” She taps her chunky boot against the icy concrete.
I grip the back of my neck. “That’s the same question I’ve been asking myself for weeks. I don’t have a good enough answer, other than I was trying to ease the burden.”
“Ouch, no wonder Audria is pissed. Please tell me you don’t see her as an inconvenience.”
“No, of course not. If anything, I’m the one complicating this.” I scrub my face with a gloved hand. “Which is how I got myself in trouble to begin with. I thought it was the right thing to do, for her sake. I don’t want her to feel obligated to stay.”
Sondra squints as a streak of sunlight casts over us. “Why would she?”
“Because we’d still be together.” That pesky hidden sense warns me this could be a trap. I ignore the gut instinct with a heavy exhale. “So, why wait until she leaves in June? I thought ending things with her before we got more… invested would be for the best.”
“Why did you have to end things at all?”
The need to defend myself rears up. “What’s the alternative?”
She huffs with a roll of her eyes. “Oh, I don’t know. Be rational adults and talk through this massive blockade before it becomes a critical issue? Try being reasonable? Predict this would’ve happened to begin with?”
“Yeah, if only those options occurred to me while I was blowing shit out of proportion.”
“If only,” she snips. “I didn’t take you for a quitter. All good looks and charm but no glory?”
A familiar knot tightens in my gut. I don’t need her to tell me all the ways I screw up. “Does this look like quitting? I’m not visiting for a leisurely stroll, Sondra. I can only do so much when the other person won’t reply. For all I know, Audria is just getting more upset that I’m bothering her.”
Sondra crosses her arms. “If that were the case, you would’ve heard it from her. Silence isn’t always a bad thing, Reeve. It means she’s mad but still clinging onto what happened. She hasn’t let go or detached. You have something left to fight for. Being angry is better than nothing. If she didn’t care or wanted to be left alone, you’d be the first to know about it. She’ll answer you once the sting wears off. Then you’ll have a shot at redemption.”
“Really?” My dubious tone escapes in a puff of steam.
She just stares at me with the sort of blank expression Gavin has been wearing quite often around me. I’ve come to understand that it means I’m being an idiot.
“Yes, really. Just be patient. I’m sure she’s hurt and trying to figure out the best way to handle that.”
My chin tucks on its own as the strain swoops in. “I just miss her, Sondra. She’s avoiding me on purpose, and that hurts. I just… miss her.” Recycling the same phrases is where I’m at on the creative level. My brain seems to become more sloppy with each passing beat. Having a solitary focus certainly makes functioning on fumes easier.
“Keep doing what you’re doing. Is two weeks your limit? How about if she’s still using the silent treatment in a month? Will you surrender then?”
“No,” I mumble.
“What’s the goal after she talks to you? Settle for trying long distance after she’s back in Minnesota?”
I shuffle my feet in the slush. “That’s not ideal, but I’m willing to accept whatever she’ll give me. I’d be happy with her friendship.”
“No, you wouldn’t. Don’t lie.”
“At this point, I’ll settle for a single conversation.”
“Well, damn.” She inhales a lungful of air. “Do you know my history, Reeve?”
“Not really, other than you’re not originally from Bam.”
“I used to live in Chicago, one of the largest cities in the United States. I love the bright lights and shiny skyscrapers. Riding the subway is a breeze. There’s nothing quite like downtown traffic, all the hustle and bustle. The convenience of stopping at a hot dog vendor on the street corner is fantastic.” She smacks her lips for emphasis.
I scratch an itch under my stocking cap. “Okay?”
Sondra fixes her gaze on mine. “Do you think I regret moving to Bampton Valley, Reeve? That I made a sacrifice by giving up a huge part of my past? Did I choose wrong by making a home in this small town after growing up in a totally opposite environment?”
Audria must have filled her in on my comments. I grunt at the implications I made. “No, that’s what you wanted.”
“Exactly,” she huffs in exasperation. “Don’t make assumptions.”
“Too late.” I spew a silent string of expletives.
“For taking charge and implying you can decide what’s best? Absolutely. But this thing you have with Audria isn’t a lost cause.”
“I hope you’re right,” I mumble.
“You can count on it. I have experience, remember? Do I miss the city? Of course. But I would miss Bam more. I bet the same goes for Audria. All it takes is one major piece to complete the puzzle. Figure it out, Reeve. Give her a reason to stay.” Sondra pats my chest. “And a shitload of groveling.”
For the first time in nearly a week, my chest feels lighter. “A day hasn’t gone by without her receiving something from me.”
“Go bigger, and better. Make her believe you.” Her voice rings with the type of conviction that hypes up rallies. She
