Killian's enthusiasm was contagious, though, and there was a thrill of excitement under all the nerves.
This was the first time the two of us were ever going to have done something like this in front of an audience. All those times when he'd chosen someone else and I'd been upset about it seemed small and stupid now, because he would have chosen me if I'd let him.
Now I had, and I was up there, collared, mostly naked. I had on panties and pasties over my nipples, preserving some sliver of my modesty.
Everyone's eyes were on me, hot and heavy, and every time one of them looked me up and down, it felt like I could feel it as physically as if they'd come up and touched me.
Killian had promised he wasn't going to let anyone touch me.
And I trusted him.
That was the culmination of all of this. I trusted him. To listen to me, to keep me safe. If anyone got too close, he'd warn them back, and if I wanted to stop, then we would.
He was a sadist and an asshole when he wanted to be, but I knew some things mattered to him, and my comfort was one of them.
So I tried to relax, letting out a breath and shaking my arms slightly, trying to force the nervous energy out.
The movement caught Killian's attention, and he stopped prepping the station behind me to come over and rest a hand on the small of my back.
"Alright?" he asked, voice pitched soft enough that only I could hear him.
"Yeah," I said back. "Just... you know."
"I think I know, but use your words," he prompted me.
I rolled my eyes and leaned in closer to him. "Nervous."
He nodded. "I thought so. Here." He came around to the front of me, blocking me from view with his body for a second. In his hands was a length of black material, and when he put it up to my face to blindfold me, it was silky against my skin.
I hummed softly at the touch of it, and then sighed with relief when my world went dark.
It made me feel vulnerable, but it was something of a godsend to not have to see all the people watching me. I knew from experience that it would also make it easier for me to put myself in Killian's hands. To let him move me and guide me like he wanted, and I was grateful for that, too.
I wouldn't have to overthink anything. I could just focus on how I felt and let him take care of the rest.
He left me standing there, alone in my own dark little world, and I focused on what I could hear and feel since I couldn't see anything.
The sound of the gathered crowd, talking and laughing. The sounds of other scenes being played out around us. Someone crying out in a mixture of pain and pleasure and the slap of leather on skin.
The air in the club was chilly, and I wanted to fold my arms over my chest to get some warmth and a little protection from the stares I could still feel, but I made myself keep them at my side.
I was about to be much more vulnerable than I already was, after all.
After what felt like ages, Killian finally came back for me.
I had no idea what he had planned, and my heart leapt into my throat when he touched my arm and turned me so my back was to the audience.
"Good evening," Killian said, and he used that low, sultry voice he put on for show when he addressed the people who were gathered around to watch.
"Tonight, I have something special for you all. Ash, my very own pet, who has never done anything like this before, is here to suffer for your pleasure."
There was a murmur of appreciation at that, and I rolled my eyes behind the blindfold. He hadn't run the language of this little performance by me ahead of time, and I wasn't sure how I felt about being called his 'pet', but I did know if I was going to suffer it wasn't going to be for these strangers.
It was for Killian.
It was always for Killian.
He knew that too, which was why, as jealous as he could be, he was fine with showing me off in this way. No one else got to touch me. They could look, and they could get off on it if they chose to, but at the end of the day, what I was doing was for him.
He moved me where he wanted me. There were no straps, no fancy crosses or benches. He didn't want me restrained, clearly.
He bent me over, so my ass was facing the crowd, and my hands were resting solidly on the wooden table that had been set up behind me.
I was free to move around as much as I wanted, and it hit me why Killian had done this. he wasn't forcing it on me. I wasn't tied down. I was making the choice to stand there, to bend over. To let him do whatever he was going to do to me.
It made me smile, and I let my head hang down, taking deep breaths through my nose and breathing out my mouth. A feeling of almost calm was settling over me, and then I felt the first sting of leather against my ass.
I had no idea what he was using.
It didn't feel like a crop or a flogger.
It was sharper, more pointed, and the first touch of it didn't hurt that much, but afterwards it almost exploded into pain.
Before I could think better of it, a low cry was spilling out of my mouth.
It hurt more than I had been expecting, the sharp pain melding into a low ache after
