He inhales my sounds with his mouth and every inch of my skin feels alive. Just then, a horn honks outside and he pulls away, and the moment is lost.
He moves me off of his lap and I hurry to straighten my clothes, the heat rushing to my face with embarrassment of how I let myself go in front of him.
“You have to go,” he says. “Now.”
“Oh. Okay.” I put my hand to my cheek and turn around, so scattered I don’t know if I should go out the door or out the window.
He shoves me toward the window. I guess that answers that.
I crawl out and latch onto the tree, looking down before I risk jumping. Toby Matthison is walking toward the front door and in the next second, the doorbell rings. Why would Raf care if we saw each other? Once I’m close enough, I leap to the ground and run to my backyard without another glance.
My humiliation is complete.
What was that even about? I guess it could’ve been worse. I’m surprised Raf bothered to make me feel good and then threw me out before I could return the favor, but the shame is right up there with the time I got caught making out with a guy named Louie at a homeschool co-op. A parent caught us and she told my mother within the hour. I was grounded for three months and after the day we got in trouble, he never spoke to me again.
Not to mention what created the After. I can’t stand to think about that time. It was definitely worse than this, but it’s way too close for comfort.
I wonder how Raf will treat me tomorrow.
I’m so confused right now, I don’t know which end is up. I can’t wait to get out of Longlake and move on to the next phase in my life, far, far away from here.
I dream of Raf, waking up several times in the night and falling asleep to his eyes spearing me and his cock creating friction in just the right place. I wake up more than once, breathless and shuddering as I whisper his name.
How has he managed to work his way in, when every day he gives me more reason to despise him?
It’s a crazy sorcery he has over me and one I’m going to have to fight even harder from now on.
I’m stronger than this, smarter than this.
Chapter Eight
My mom is all smiles the next morning. I managed to avoid her when I came home from Raf’s yesterday, but she has clearly not forgotten where we left off.
“Now I know why you were so nonchalant about Ashton,” she says, her hands clasped together and eyelashes fluttering. “My god, that boy is gorgeous. I didn’t know they made high school students like him.” She picks up a pot holder and fans herself.
I wrinkle my nose and stick my head in the refrigerator. I let the coolness calm my heated skin and pull out a yogurt.
“Gotta run, Mom. See you later.”
She sighs. “Okay, but I want the details of this new development later.”
“It’s nothing.”
“Pfffft. That boy is not nothing.”
I groan and she looks hurt. I know she’s trying to get me to open up to her again, hoping we’ll be close like we used to be, but I’m a different person now. We’re both different.
“I’ll talk to you later, Mom. Promise.” I kiss her cheek and it seems to satisfy her.
“Josephine?”
I turn back and my mom’s jittery, her leg shaking hard enough to make her bracelets rattle. “Yeah?”
“I have a date tonight.”
“Oh.” Oh. I didn’t expect that to hit me hard, but it does. “Okay.”
“Are you sure?”
“Well, I don’t get a say in your dating life, do I?” I try to smile, but it doesn’t quite deliver. “I hope you have fun, Mom. I’ve gotta go.”
She presses her lips together and nods.
I step outside. Ashton offered to drive me today and I didn’t overthink it, I just said yes. On the front step is a bundle and I pick it up, moving the paper back to get a better look. I drop the flowers, looking around to see if anyone is out here.
Red lilies.
Shit. This day just keeps getting better.
Luke used to have a red lily waiting for me every time I went to his house. Every time we slept together.
I start shaking. It can’t be Luke. There’s a restraining order out on him and the last I knew, he had moved on with the playmate of the month.
Someone’s playing a trick on me, but who?
Ashton pulls in then and I put the lilies in the garbage can outside before I slide into the passenger seat. I attempt to grin at him, trying to let my anxiety go and the guilt over yesterday with Raf. I don’t know why—Ashton hasn’t made any moves and I honestly don’t know if he’s interested or not.
When we get to school and step out of the car, he comes around to my side and waits until I’ve got my backpack on my shoulder before taking my hand. I lift an eyebrow at him, surprised that he’s going there. I guess he is interested.
“What…are you doing?”
“Just go with it.”
The guys are in the parking lot. Raf’s eyes fall to my hand linked with Ashton and he turns away,
