You’re not doing anything wrong, I remind myself. But I’m confused by the guilt swarming in my chest. Kissing Raf…what if he would’ve been different today after our kiss? Nicer?
I remind myself of the way he threw me out of his room afterward and sigh. I’m pretty sure that whatever I do will be the wrong thing.
I stop at my locker and Ashton leans in behind me, nuzzling my neck. I freeze and then he whispers, “Raf needs to learn a lesson.”
“Is that a good idea?”
I can practically feel Raf’s eyes drilling through me. Why I’m considering him, I have no idea.
Despite what he thinks, he does not own me.
“Do you trust me?” Ashton asks.
“I think so.”
Ashton laughs and steps away. I’m so confused. I put my things away and grab the next two notebooks I’ll need, slamming my locker shut. Ashton takes another step back and I bite my lip, reluctantly smiling at him.
I sit at a different table at lunch and when Ashton walks up a few minutes later, Raf scowls. He was already shooting daggers at me from our normal table. What the fuck is his problem?
He stands up and grabs his tray, stalking off. I’m tempted to follow him out, but I don’t.
In the afternoon, the tension is up to security level during my class with Raf.
“Are you that desperate to forget our kiss? Now you’re going to date that asswipe?” Raf whispers in my ear.
I shiver and turn to look at him. He’s so close, our foreheads touch.
“I feel like a broken record. You’re the asswipe.” I try to lean back, but he closes in the distance. “And Ashton is your friend.”
“Doesn’t mean he’s not an asswipe. You’re not into him.”
“I don’t have to answer to you about anything I do. And you’re taken anyway—looks like you had a fantastic time with Heidi over the weekend.”
His eyes spark and I see his lips twitch.
“You stalking me now, Gabi?”
The way he says my name sends liquid heat flooding through my veins.
“Simply stating the fact that you’re occupied with someone and so am I. I’ve ‘paid up’ and now we’re even. I don’t know why we keep having this conversation.”
“You’re nowhere near paid up. We have an agreement and I don’t want anyone else touching you. You weren’t having any trouble getting off on me yesterday. Ashton not able to do it for you?”
My mouth drops open and I turn away from him, my face hot. The teacher walks into class then and the conversation is over. I need to talk to Ashton. I’m not up for a game when I don’t even know what we’re playing.
As soon as the bell rings, I practically sprint out the door and I do whatever I can to avoid running into Raf for the rest of the afternoon.
I don’t mean anything to him. He just wants to exert control. It’s humiliating and I refuse to let him win.
When I get home, my phone pings.
Raf: Party at my place at 8. Be there.
I put a dress on and touch up my makeup. I don’t bother responding to Raf’s text and I don’t even try to talk myself out of going. I want answers. I want to know what’s going on between Raf and Ashton and I want to make this degrading behavior stop. I’m desperate to stop the crazy things Raf does to my heart, even when he’s vile. I remember the way he leaned over me with the cold washcloth that day I had a migraine and the little voice in my head reminds me he is capable of being decent. Maybe even kind. I don’t need to see any of the sweetness, it’s better if I learn every loathsome thing there is to know about him.
My mom has already left for her date. I didn’t ask anything about who she’s seeing and she didn’t offer any information. We were even more awkward than usual and I didn’t need to make it worse by telling her I’d be at a party tonight. Although if she’d known it was at Raf’s house, she probably would’ve gushed about how exciting it was.
I walk to Raf’s at eight thirty, noting the fewer cars here this time. It’s not a normal night for a party, which makes me wonder why he’s doing this. And why do I need to be here? I think about the kiss in his room the last time I was here and my skin feels hot as I walk inside. The music is going and the living room is full of kids I recognize. Amber is dancing by herself, Melanie and Jen are dancing with Henry, and I look around for Heidi or Raf…but I don’t see them or Ashton. Luci smiles at me as she dances with another guy from our class.
I feel hands tugging my waist backward. I yelp and try to turn but feel his mouth near my ear instead.
“You get all dressed up for me, Gabi?” Raf whispers.
“Why am I here?”
He moves us into a small, empty room and leaves the light off. I turn to face him and he nudges me backwards until I hit a washing machine.
“Laundry room, huh? Sexy.”
“If I’d known you were looking for sexy, I would’ve taken you to my bedroom again. The laundry room was closer.”
“For what?”
He lifts me up and sets me on top of the washer and runs his hands down the middle of my thighs, parting them and stepping between. I gasp and his mouth is there to catch it as his lips press into mine.
“Raf,” I whisper.
“Gabi,” he whispers back.
I pull away and he holds onto my head, winding his fingers through my hair.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m collecting your debt.”
It’s like a bucket of cold water is poured over my head and I push him away. I leap
