Cam explained again what he wanted and, this time, he received a favourable response. The main hall would be cleared of equipment and ready to receive the group from the school in fifteen minutes. In addition, hot drinks would be available on request and free of charge.
‘Finally,’ he breathed as he passed the handset back to Ruth. ‘Please ring down to C12 and let DI Pearson know that the students are to be escorted to the leisure centre. Have you heard anything else from the humanities block?’
Ruth shook her head as she dialled the number for the computer room and turned her back to speak to the DI.
‘Penny. A word?’ He walked into his office and gestured for Penny to close the door as soon as she’d followed him inside.
‘How’re you doing? You must be worried sick.’
Concern for her daughter was etched in every line and crease of her face. The light make-up around her eyes seemed to have smudged into grey bruises and her ponytail was even looser than it had been at the start of the day.
‘I’m okay,’ she said, her voice shaky as she sat down on the chair next to the door. ‘It’s hard not to think about Annie, though. You must be the same. I just wish we knew what was happening. Why don’t they want the medical supplies anymore?’
‘False alarm?’ Cam speculated. ‘It might have been something that looked a lot worse than it was.’ He sat behind his desk and rubbed his face with both hands. ‘This is such a fucking mess,’ he said. ‘I have no idea if I’m making the right decisions. I just wish the rest of the police team would get here. I don’t know how much longer I can shoulder this responsibility. Pearson seems to be doing a good job and at least all the students and staff are off site, but I think we’re going to be next.’
Penny frowned. ‘What do you mean?’
‘They’ll ask us to leave. As soon as the specialist team’s set up, they’ll want to get rid of us. Civilians will just be a liability. We’ll be shipped off somewhere and kept in the dark.’
‘It might be better that way,’ Penny mused. ‘I just feel like I’m in the way here. And, even if I’m not, it’s not like I’m helping.’
‘Well, I’m glad you’re here,’ Cam said. ‘At least we’ve got each other.’
Penny dropped her eyes from his as flashes of pink rose across her cheeks. ‘Don’t, Cam. I don’t want to talk about us. This is about the kids.’
‘I know, but it would have been even harder without you here.’
‘You know,’ Penny snapped. ‘I’d rather have been anywhere else. I wish I’d not come to school today, and I wish Annie had taken my advice and gone shopping. I’m sorry about Tom but I can’t care about you or him. I can only think about my daughter.’
Cam stood up but Penny held out a hand, palm facing him. ‘Please don’t try to hug me. I think I’d be sick if you touched me.’
‘What?’ Cam was stunned. The woman in front of him was almost unrecognisable as the person he’d come to trust, to share parts of his life with, the woman that he thought he might, one day, fall in love with.
‘I don’t think I like you very much, Cam. I’ve tried but, really, you’re not the sort of man I want to be with. I know my timing’s shitty, but I can’t pretend, and I can’t let you offer me false hope.’
‘But…’
‘Ruth knows about us. She just told me. I think she twigged a while ago, so I didn’t see much point in denying it. I got the impression that she thinks you took advantage–’
‘Why would she think that? What have you said? If anything, it’s the other way round. Christ, Penny. After everything I’ve done.’
Penny stood up and placed a hand on the door handle. ‘I know, Cam. How can I be such a bitch after everything you’ve done? Let’s hope nobody finds out, eh?’
Something about her tone, about her eyes and the hint of a smirk on her lips had Cam reaching for the computer mouse on his desk as soon as the door closed behind her.
What the hell did she mean? And who had she told?
Before
Grief was crippling. If anybody had asked Cam beforehand what it would be like to be bereaved, he’d have probably compared it to depression – he hadn’t been prepared for the physicality of loss.
The lack of sleep had only been part of it – it was difficult to function in a state of permanent exhaustion – but, at times, he’d felt Chrissie’s absence in a visceral way that made him double over in pain.
The first year had been the hardest. Every day was a reminder that ‘this time last year’ he and Chrissie had been doing something, however mundane. Birthdays were hard and the first Christmas had been brutal as he’d tried to ease Tom through their muted festivities.
He’d not been prepared to be a single parent. Chrissie had taken care of most of the emotional side of Tom’s life – she’d been his son’s confidante whereas he’d been the authority figure. After Chrissie’s death he found a huge gulf between himself and his son and he had no idea how to bridge it, especially when Tom was lashing out at everybody and everything.
Very slowly, father and son had moulded their relationship into a new shape, something that just about worked but that satisfied neither of them fully. Tom turned out to be a half-decent cook and Cam was more than happy to let him organise meals whenever he had time. Cam had tried to spend less time at work and had found himself delegating some tasks to Penny Bainbridge, despite his slight distrust of the woman. In retrospect he could see that the personal relationship had developed from their professional one and now
