The house was a welcome surprise, though. The shack had been transformed into a cozy little house, the interior smelling of fresh pine and whitewash. Aside from the newly laid floor and freshly painted walls, there was a pine table flanked by two benches in the front room, a small bedchamber with a tester bed, and a loft with two narrow cots and a window that overlooked the snow-covered forest.
“For your future children,” Matthew said when he came by the following day.
Peter had returned to the manor, so Alys was on her own, exploring the glories of her new home. There was a small larder with shelves that Jeremy had stocked with flour, barley, oats, a small wheel of cheese, a cask of ale, several joints of smoked meat, and a basket filled with root vegetables. There were several bolts of fabric in the chest at the foot of the bed that Alys could use to sew garments for the coming child as well as a new gown for herself.
“Thank ye, Matthew,” Alys said. “It’s wonderful.”
“I just have to fit the shutters on the loft window,” Matthew explained as he carried the shutters into the house. They were small to match the window. “I wish ye happiness, Alys,” he said. “It eases my conscience to know ye’ve found someone to care for ye.”
Alys noticed the lines of strain around Matthew’s mouth and the haunted look in his eyes. “Are ye not happy in yer marriage, Matthew?” she asked.
“My marriage is exactly what I wanted it to be,” Matthew replied.
The words made sense, but not the sentiment behind them. “What does that mean?”
Matthew glanced at the door furtively, as if afraid someone would walk in uninvited, but the house was far enough from both the village and the hamlet to prevent that from happening. Besides, anyone who approached would be seen from the window.
“It’s not a true marriage, Alys,” Matthew finally said.
“Why not?”
“Ellie and I don’t…” He let the sentence trail off, but Alys took his meaning.
“And that’s the marriage ye wanted?” she asked, needing clarification.
“Alys, I have always loved ye, but as a brother, not as a man,” Matthew said. “That’s why I felt so awful about not telling ye the truth. I know I disappointed yer hopes, but I couldn’t bear to subject ye to a loveless marriage. Ellie was not happy in her first marriage and doesn’t wish to perform her wifely duties or bear any more children, and that suits me fine. Ye see, I don’t wish to lie with her either.”
“Why not? She’s a fine-looking woman,” Alys said, staring at Matthew as if seeing him for the first time. Was it not normal for a man to have needs, desires? Why would he wed a woman that wanted no part of him, and he no part of her?
“Ellie and I made a pact. I would marry her and look after her and the children, and she would turn a blind eye to my relationship with her brother.”
“Her brother?” Alys echoed. “Ye’ve been friends since ye were children. Why would she need to turn a blind eye to that?”
“We are more than friends, Alys. I love Rob. I’ve loved him since I was old enough to understand what it was I was feeling.”
“Do ye two…?” Alys asked, unable to find the right words to phrase her question.
“Yes, we lie together. Ellie understands.”
“Good Lord,” Alys muttered. The older she got, the less she seemed to understand about people. Everyone had secrets they wished to keep hidden from the world, and people found love in unexpected places. Was that just the way of things, or were they all sinners who’d get their comeuppance in this life or the next? She’d never suspected Matthew was unnatural, but his revelation didn’t make her love him any less. He was her friend, her confidant, and now she understood how difficult it must have been for him to do what he had done without being able to offer her an explanation.
“I wish ye would have told me, Matthew. I would have understood,” Alys said softly, putting her hand on his arm. “I wouldn’t have been unkind.”
“I was afraid ye’d despise me,” Matthew said. “Sodomy goes against the teachings of the Church, and if anyone finds out, Rob and I could be brought to trial.”
“I could never despise ye. I’m just glad ye found someone who shares yer eh…needs,” Alys finished lamely.
“Ye don’t know what it means to me to be able to have a relationship with the man I love. It makes it all worth it.”
Alys nodded. “I don’t love Peter, Matthew. I only married him because I’m carrying Lord Lockwood’s child,” she said.
Matthew’s mouth fell open, but he immediately shut it and drew Alys into a warm embrace. “Does he love ye, his lordship?”
“I believe he does,” Alys said. “He wouldn’t allow me to rid myself of the babe.”
“What a web of deceit we weave to keep from being discovered,” Matthew said sadly. “I do hope the reckoning comes later rather than sooner.”
“Must there always be a reckoning?” Alys asked.
“I believe there does,” Matthew replied. “But not always in the way ye would expect.”
“I hope ye’re wrong about that, Matthew, for our reckoning will be dire. We’re sinners, ye and I.”
“Everyone’s a sinner,”
