“Surely ye’ve still got a soul. I know I do.”
“Just barely,” Matthew replied. “Having to lie and pretend every day of my life takes a toll. Ye won’t be the first or the last woman to fall in love where ye shouldn’t, but my crime is much greater. The people I’ve grown up with would gladly stone me if they discovered the truth.”
“Surely not,” Alys replied, shocked by the depth of Matthew’s fear. But he was right. They might not stone him, but they would certainly make his life a living hell. He’d have to leave the village and never come back for fear of being killed for his crime.
“We’ll keep each other’s secret, ye and I,” Alys said. “Always.”
Matthew nodded. “Always. I’m glad I finally found the courage to tell ye.”
Alys stood on her toes and kissed Matthew’s stubbled cheek. “I believe ye have shutters to fit, and I have dinner to prepare,” she added. She hoped Jeremy would come to her, but if not, she was so hungry these days, she’d gladly eat by herself.
Chapter 59
Jeremy pulled the blanket over Alys’s shoulders, glad to see her resting. She looked so wan and tired these days, her belly like a snow-capped hill beneath the white of the eiderdown. Jeremy laid a hand on the mound that was his child, hoping he’d feel a kick. Alys said it kicked all the time now, but it always seemed to quiet down when he came by.
Disappointed to feel nothing, he turned onto his back, folded his arms beneath his head, and stared up at the whitewashed ceiling, his gaze focusing on the whorl in the dark beam above his head. Marjorie was due any day now, but try as he might, he couldn’t muster any love for the child she was about to bring into the world. He hoped that once he held the infant in his arms and looked into its tiny face, he’d feel a sense of recognition, a connection he could build on. It wasn’t the child’s fault that he didn’t love its mother. He might have had she let him in even a little, but Marjorie remained as tightly locked up as a castle under siege.
How strange to expect two children at the same time, Jeremy thought, as Alys’s belly shifted beneath its covers. He quickly placed his hand on the mound, gratified to feel a slow rippling, as if an underwater beast had stirred in its lair. His heart quickened in response, waves of tenderness for mother and child leaving him nearly breathless. What he wouldn’t give to live with Alys and enjoy the privilege of raising his child. Peter would make a good father and would look after Alys if anything happened to Jeremy, but Peter didn’t love his little family. Peter was doing it out of loyalty, and for the money. Jeremy would give him anything he asked for as long as he fulfilled his side of the bargain.
Jeremy slid from beneath the covers and hastily pulled on his clothes when he heard a door opening in the front room. No one would dare enter the little house without knocking except Peter, but one never knew. It could be Bess, who was also near her time. Jeremy finished dressing and pulled on his boots before quietly leaving the bedroom and stepping into the front room.
Hal was sitting at the table, a cup of ale before him. “Tupping another man’s wife again?” Hal asked, grinning at his own joke.
“I wasn’t expecting you,” Jeremy replied, not as amused as Hal might have hoped.
“Your lady wife is delivered of a healthy child, my lord,” Hal announced with all the formality he could muster. “My congratulations.”
“Is it a boy?” Jeremy asked.
“It is. A fine son.”
“Thank you for bringing me the news, Hal. I will hasten home.” He gave Hal a look that brought the man to his feet. There was no reason for Hal to be alone with Alys, especially while she was asleep and unaware of his presence.
“I’ll wait for you outside,” Hal said, sensing Jeremy’s censure.
Jeremy returned to the bedroom and kissed Alys softly on the forehead. He hoped she’d eat when she woke. She was too thin for a woman in her condition. Even Marjorie had filled out in the final months of pregnancy, her cheeks growing rounder and her bosom straining against the stiff fabric of her gowns. It was nearly Lent, and Alys would become even thinner if she didn’t eat any meat for the duration. He’d speak to her about it the next time he visited and implore her to take better care of herself.
Donning his cloak and hat, Jeremy stepped outside. He had no wish to return to the manor, but a stirring of paternal feeling bloomed in his breast, and he dug his heels into the horse’s flanks, eager to get home and meet his son.
The manor was unusually quiet, everyone speaking in low tones as if a tragedy had taken place instead of the birth of a son and heir.
“Her ladyship is resting,” Mistress Helmsley said.
“Where is my son?” Jeremy asked. He didn’t think it likely that the baby was with Marjorie.
“I’ll take ye to him, my lord,” Mistress Helmsley said in a loud whisper. She led Jeremy to a room he’d rarely visited. It was a small parlor his mother-in-law had used as a place of refuge, her sewing basket still next to the chair she preferred. The tapestried cushion showed signs of wear, as did the rug that was faded from the sunlight streaming into the south-facing room. A fire blazed in the hearth, and Millie’s cheeks were rosy from the heat as she sprang to her feet, startled out of a doze.
