Kyle looked grim, clearly recalling that awful day. “For the first few years, I was too blinded by gratitude to see that even though Len had technically saved my life, he’d been the one to endanger it in the first place. The accident was his fault. We’d been to a party, and he’d been drinking heavily and doing coke. He was driving too fast and lost control of the car. Had he not saved me, he would have been responsible for the deaths of two people, not that he ever took responsibility for Hugh’s death. Still, I felt beholden to him. I knew Len was no good for me, but like so many school friendships, it just went on, year after year.”
“And your wife?” I asked, my breath catching. I had no right to demand answers, but I was desperate to understand what had happened and if it still had the power to affect Kyle. I wanted to believe that he genuinely liked me and wasn’t using me as a distraction at a time when he felt emotionally overwrought.
“Amy and I married quickly. At the time, Len tried to talk me out of it. He said I should take my time and get to know her better. What was the rush? He implied that Amy was looking for a free ride. I was so angry with him, we didn’t speak for months. Thing is, he was right,” Kyle said without rancor. “I don’t think Amy ever really loved me. I was doing well in my career, and she thought I could offer her a certain type of lifestyle. And then she got pregnant a few months into the relationship, so that clinched it for me. I’d always wanted to be a dad.”
“You have children?” I asked, shocked that he’d never mentioned being a father.
“No. Amy lost the baby early on. Now that I think about it, she might never have been pregnant at all. She showed me a picture of a scan, but I hadn’t been there with her. She’d gone with a friend. Anyway, once the relationship started to show cracks, I was determined to make it work, to find a way forward. I wanted us to have children, but it seems Amy was playing away the whole time. Len said she came on to him, and, in retrospect, I’m not surprised. She always did find him attractive. She even said so. I was just too blind to see the signs, too lacking in self-awareness to let go of a relationship that was causing me nothing but grief. I’ve been much happier since she left. And what about you?” Kyle asked, turning to look at me. “Was there someone serious in your life?”
“Yes, but he didn’t lack self-awareness. He left as soon as he realized I had nothing further to offer. He’d had the best of me and was ready to move on to someone new, someone more exciting. He wasn’t shy about telling me either. Had I been paying more attention, I might have seen it coming, but Drew was my first serious relationship and I foolishly thought we’d be together forever. He broke it to me as soon as my mum died. He felt he’d be less of a wanker if he waited until she passed.”
“I’m sorry,” Kyle said softly.
“Don’t be. As much as it hurt at the time, Drew did me a favor, really. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who stayed with me because nothing better had come along.”
“Have you started to see people?” Kyle asked.
“Yes, but with my mum’s passing and the unexpected breakup, I didn’t have much emotional space to devote to a new relationship. Had I met someone I really fancied, that might have changed, but most of the men I met didn’t even warrant a second date.”
Kyle took his hand off the wheel and reached out for mine, squeezing it gently. “Do you think you could learn to fancy me?” he asked, a shy smile tugging at his lips. “Because I fancy you something fierce.”
Something inside me unclenched, the rosebud of attraction I felt for Kyle beginning to unfurl now that he’d given me some indication of his feelings.
“I do fancy you, Kyle. You’re the first man I’ve been with since Drew. What about you? Have you been with anyone since Amy?” I asked, dreading the answer. For all I knew, he had a girlfriend waiting for him back in London, someone who had no idea he was romancing me.
“I’ve had several short-lived relationships. Very short-lived,” he reiterated. “There’s been no one I could see myself with long term.”
I wanted him to say until now, but he didn’t. Nor did he say anything about continuing to see each other once we got back to London. Maybe I was going to be one of his very short relationships, or maybe I was rushing things because the thought of never seeing Kyle again hurt like hell.
I gazed out the window, my thoughts unwittingly turning to Alys. She never seemed too far away these days, so I focused on her to stop myself from worrying about my own future.
Chapter 46
Alys
The day had been glorious, and Alys would have enjoyed it had she got to go outside for more than a few minutes. The sun streamed through the trees, arrows of light piercing the canopy of changing leaves, the reds and yellows setting the forest ablaze with color. The sky was a robin’s egg blue, a gentle breeze caressing her face like a loving hand. But once the sun set, the air grew colder, the breeze biting, a subtle reminder that
