“Hey, Tor! I’m home!” Alycia stepped in the front door and her eyes rounded when she saw Wesley and me. “Oh, wow. Major bad timing, huh? Sorry, guys,” she said, giggling.
I panicked and pushed Wesley away. “Alycia? What—what are you doing here?”
“Duh. I’ve got a swim meet tonight, remember? I told you yesterday,” Alycia said, walking past us. She stopped in midstep and stared blankly at Wesley. “Wait a minute. You’re Wesley Carroll.”
Wesley smiled goofily. “Hi. How ya doin’?”
“I don’t believe it! My brother with Wesley Carroll? This is so cool!” Alycia glanced at me and then smiled broadly. “Oh, but don’t mind me. You won’t even know I’m here,” she said, waving her hand. Then she disappeared down the hall and I heard her bedroom door shut.
“So… that was your sister?”
I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t know what to do. Wesley stared at me and then stood up.
“I get it.” He took the scratch pad and pen from the coffee table and jotted something down. He ripped the top sheet off and handed it to me. “Give me a call later.” He smiled again and patted my cheek, then walked out the door.
I sat on the edge of the couch with my head in my hands. I felt sick. I had to talk to Alycia. She didn’t react the way I expected. She didn’t seem troubled or even concerned by what she saw. How could she be okay with it?
I knocked at her door, and Alycia was lying on her stomach on the bed, kicking her feet and reading a magazine.
“You guys didn’t have to stop on my account,” she said, resting her chin in her hand and grinning.
I balled my hands into fists at my sides. “It… it’s not what you think—”
“Oh? So what was it? He tripped and accidentally stuck his tongue down your throat? Yeah, I’m sure that’s what happened.”
“No! It wasn’t… I mean….”
Alycia sat up and scooted to the edge of the bed. She tilted her head to the side and looked at me with a serious expression. “Toren, what are you so afraid of?”
That’s what Wesley had asked me. I dug my fists into my thighs. “Please… don’t tell Mom. Please. Promise me that you won’t tell Mom I’m—” I stopped myself and looked down.
“Say it, Toren. Say it out loud.”
I glanced up at Alycia and down to the floor again. “Don’t—don’t tell her I’m… gay.”
“At least you can say it out loud now,” she said, crossing her arms.
She was taking it too lightly. “Promise me!”
“All right, all right, I promise,” she said and stretched her arms over her head. “Though I don’t see what the big deal is.”
“Are you serious? How can you say that?” I shouted, wiping away tears with the back of my hand.
Alycia looked at me and her face softened with sympathy. “Look, Toren, what happened between Mom and Dad is their business. It has nothing to do with us,” she said matter-of-factly and sighed with a puff of frustration. “You can’t ignore your feelings for the rest of your life because you’re afraid of what Mom’ll think. Just be yourself. Besides, I think that if you talked to her, you’d find that she’d understand.”
“I doubt it,” I said, shaking my head.
“Well, I think you should be proud. I mean, you landed one of the hottest guys in school.” A grin spread across her face and surprisingly, I felt better. She stood up from the bed and walked across the room. “If anything, I’m proud of you,” she said softly and hugged me. Then she pulled away quickly. “Oh yeah. Will you come to my meet? Mike can’t go and Mom has to work and I really want someone there. Please?” She batted her eyelashes and smiled wide.
“Yeah, okay.”
“You’re the best big brother. I’ll even make dinner for you tonight,” she said and walked out of the room.
“That’s okay,” I said, following her. “I’m not really that hungry.”
Alycia stopped and turned around. “Well, just remember that I offered.”
I smiled and nodded. She would do anything to get out of cooking.
Alycia left for her swim meet at six thirty. I watched TV and found something to munch on, then walked to school at seven. I brought a book with me and settled in for a long night. Alycia swam four events and they were all toward the end of the meet. I opened my book and eavesdropped on nearby conversations.
I thought about what Alycia had said. She made me say it out loud. She seemed so calm about it too; I didn’t understand how she could be so nonchalant. I knew that if Mom found out, she wouldn’t be able to handle it. Alycia didn’t hear the things Mom yelled at Dad, but I did. Mom had never been the same since they divorced, as if she’d forgotten what it was like to be happy.
It was the boys 300-meter relay and I looked up from my book. I tried to remember a distinct time when I realized that I paid more attention to boys than I did to girls. I watched their slim bodies cut through the silvery water, their heaving chests when they climbed out of the pool, and their revealing Speedos that look silly on even a perfect figure. I wondered if Alycia knew I was gay before I did. But how did she know? Even more importantly, how did Wesley know?
My row on the bleacher vibrated and I glanced up; Wesley was sidestepping his way toward me. I closed my book, keeping my place with my index finger. Wesley glanced at the cover of a near-naked Persian boy dancing with billowy colored scarves.
“Whatcha reading?”
I looked at the cover and turned it to the side. “It’s about Alexander the Great, by Mary Renault. It’s really good so far.” I dog-eared the page
