Katie met his eyes, and hers were changing from baffled to angry. “Wait. You kidnapped me?”
“No,” Carson replied quickly, wondering if she would make the distinction and if it would make a difference to her. “They did that. They’re making me watch you so nothing happens to you. I didn’t know what was happening and certainly didn’t know it was you until just a few minutes ago. I promise.”
“But you’re working with the people that kidnapped me, that are holding me for ransom?”
“I don’t know anything about a ransom but, yeah, I’m doing this for them. Not because I want to,” he added hastily, “but because I don’t have a choice.”
“’You don’t have a choice,’” she repeated slowly, as if trying to find some sense of reason or logic in his words. Finding none, her features hardened. “That’s bullshit. You always have a choice. You took the easy option.”
Carson lowered his eyes. He couldn’t bear to look at her, not with the vitriol emanating from every syllable she spoke, and he didn’t have the courage to withstand the sapphire hatred shooting from her eyes. He had no reply, no defense, no excuse. He was a pitiful example of a human being, and now Katie knew it. “You’re right, I did. I’m sorry. They told me that, if I did this, I wouldn’t owe them anything else, so I figured I’d just get it done and it would all be over. I don’t know what to say.”
“Say to me? Oh, there’s nothing you CAN say to me, at least nothing that will matter.” Her transition from surprised to pissed seemed complete, and she delivered each word with blistering impact. “Big, tough Carson, Mr. Badass Navy Guy, Mr. SEAL, shoots bad people before his morning Corn Flakes! ‘Oh, Katie, I can’t stand up to the bad men! They might hurt me!’ Do you remember the day you went from being a man to a being a fucking pussy?”
Yes, down to the minute, but it doesn’t matter anymore. “I deserve that… and a whole lot more. I tried to tell you to stay away from me, but I didn’t do a very good job of that either.”
“What do you want me to say, Carson? That it’s OK for you to keep me hostage in who-the-fuck-knows-where because you were afraid? If this wasn’t me, if it was some other person you didn’t know, would you still feel the same way, or would you just be getting this over with so you could save your own ass?”
Carson gave it some thought, but could only come to one conclusion. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
She shook her head like she was coming to terms with a new and unsavory reality. “Wow. I can’t believe it. I really can’t.” She paused, and her next statement came across as honestly curious. “Do you remember what Semper Fortis means?”
“Always Courageous,” Carson responded automatically. It was the unofficial Navy motto.
“I’m surprised you remembered,” she said with loathing. “Because you sure forgot what it means to act that way.”
The quiet insult was more damaging than any rage she might have directed his way. She had every right to be furious, and he’d steeled himself for curses and threats and screams and even tears. But her fury had turned into revulsion and disgust for him, and he knew a big part of it was because she started to invest part of herself in him, and he showed himself to be lacking.
“I’ve forgotten a lot about myself, and I won’t even pretend I have any real justification. All I can do is promise you I’m going to get you out of this safely, no matter what it takes, no matter what happens to me.” It was the least he could offer.
Katie looked up and away from Carson, and he could see the tears shimmering in her eyes as she tried to keep them from falling. “Don’t do me any favors.”
“No, it’s not a favor. It’s the right thing to do. I know I’ve hurt you deeply, and I have no excuse for that. I can’t believe you’ll ever forgive me, but helping you might be the only way I can help myself. Even if it gets me killed.”
Katie didn’t look back at him, but he saw her lips tremble with emotion, and when she spoke her voice was low and unsteady. “Goddamn you, Carson.”
He stood. The look on her face was enough to break his heart, and he felt a sharp pain pierce his chest as if someone had driven a sword right through it. “I really can’t get those cuffs off of you, or I definitely would. I don’t want to try and get out of here until tomorrow night, after I’ve had a chance to look around a little bit during the day, so we’re going to stay here. In the meantime…” He reached down, quickly working the knots so she could get out of the chair. “Here, you can at least sleep in the cot.” He grasped her arm to help her stand, but she shrugged him off and pushed herself to her feet. The chain connecting her ankle cuffs was long enough for her to walk awkwardly ahead of him to the other room, where she laid down and rolled to face the wall. He covered her with a blanket and asked if she needed anything else. She did not respond.
Completely morose, he opened his bag, wishing he could pull a bottle of Jack Daniels from it. Instead, he removed a waist holster and secured it on his body. Cocking his .45 to ensure there was a round in the chamber, he slid the weapon into the holster and tucked in his shirt so nothing would hinder him should he need it in a hurry. Sitting, he turned on
