“I don’t know.” I grab my hair and chew the end of it.
“Your dad never asked you to do those things, and he already had his mind made up that the job was your brother’s. That’s the harsh reality of it, Thumbelina. People tend to want to prove themselves to others, and most of the time people already have their minds made up about us.” His words sucker punch me in the gut and hurt yanks the inside of my belly.
“It hurts when you put it in perspective. I just feel so lost and don’t know what to do.” I pause. “I made a fool of myself about this job.”
He strokes my cheeks and heat slithers around my neck, creeping its way up to my cheeks. “No, you didn’t. You were just a broken little girl who was trying to prove your worth to your dad by using your career to get close to him.”
I lie my head on his chest and listen to his steady heartbeat as he strokes my back. He holds me as if I’m his girlfriend, and for a split second, I entertain the idea of being his. The idea of having someone to come home to. I entertain the idea that we can be long-term.
Then I get my head out of the clouds and know that we will never happen, so I pull myself away from his delicious body and lie beside him. Hoping, he will catch my drift that this is too intimate and intense for me.
He tilts his head to the side. “Get up, I want to take you somewhere.”
“Where are we going this late at night?”
“It’s a surprise.” He eyes my clothes like they are foreign objects. “Change into your night clothes, we’re going to do a lot of walking.”
And I do, I change into my pink funnel shorts with matching tank top, and I follow him to his truck. He opens my door. I slide in, strapping my seat belt on, the leather hissing as I lie back in the seat. Felix gets in and plays a song off one of their current albums, Love Defies Us, and the lyrics touch my soul.
Love works against us. Killing our hearts, burning it piece by piece.
Love Defies Us.
My heart burns because she was always someone I thought of.
Love kills everything that it touches.
Love Defies Us.
I sing along and bob my head to the lyrics. He entwines his fingers with mine and I feel an electricity between us, so I remove my hand and place it in my lap.
There’s something more between us. More than sex. It’s penetrating, powerful, profound. I’ve never experienced this feeling with anyone in my life. And I’m afraid of this chemistry I have with him. I’m afraid to fall in love with him. Throughout my life, I watched my mom’s failed attempts to love my dad, and he was always cold to her. I don’t want my love for anyone to be a one-way street. Men are looked at as providers and nothing else. But, if I ever choose to be in a relationship, I want it to be based on love. Not status. Not power. Not accomplishments. Not trophies. But euphoric love.
Felix gets on the highway and we pass tall green leafy trees, and the white clouds cover the moon and dampen the stars. I’ve been all over the world from China to Africa, but nothing beats how green and pretty Georgia is. We have never-ending trees.
“This place better be worth it since you’re dragging me to it in the middle of the night,” I tease, and I catch the glint of his nose ring in the night. He’s beautiful as a Greek statue.
“It’s worth it, trust me. My mom used to take me here when I was little.”
I can’t help but ask about his parents. “Were your parents in love?”
He takes his eyes off the road and glances at me. His muddy eyes drop down to my lips then to my eyes before answering. “They were.”
He’s so lucky to come from a loving family. He’s so lucky to experience unconditional love. And I’m a bit jealous of him.
We’re quiet for another twenty minutes and arrive at Stone Mountain Park. I stare at him as if he grew three heads.
“Hiking? You’re taking me hiking?”
“Yep, get to walking, Thumbelina.” He cuts the engine and we get out of the truck.
“I’m not an outdoor person and there are bugs out here. What if there are wolves roaming the woods?” I’m dead-ass serious. “I’m not trying to be anything’s snacks.”
“You’re my snack.” He winks. “My belly is fully.”
I punch him in the arm. “I’m serious, Felix. If I get eaten by a wild animal and I die, I’m going to come back as a ghost and haunt you to death.”
He chuckles as he takes bug repellent and drenches my arms and legs in it. My skin feels sticky and stinks of a weird chemical and rubbing alcohol.
Crickets sing and the stars swim in the inky sky. Trees’ leaves sway back and forth. It feels as if we’re in a globe that decorates the mantelpiece on the fireplace.
“I’ve been coming here since I was a kid. There are no wolves out here. Maybe coyotes, but they won’t bother you.”
I grab his hand, squeeze tightly, and he squeezes back. That touch makes me melt. I’ll never get used to him touching me, no matter how many times he fucks my brains out. There is a closed sign with a chain blocking the entrance of the hiking trail.
“Breaking and entering?” I cock my eyebrow.
“Is my precious Thumbelina too goody-two-shoes to break the law?” he mocks. He called me his without involving sex. And my heart is having a blown-out party in my chest and my pulse jumps like a madman.
“I’ve broken the law before.” I clear my throat. “I used to drive without a license up until I was twenty. I started breaking the law when
