After I’m done making love to her, we lie there staring at the ceiling as the fan moves, then she says something that catches me off guard.
“We should quit what we’re doing, Felix. We need to end this right now.”
“I know,” I answer truthfully, and I turn my head and the moonlight outlines her face. Her black hair is tangled, and a few strands stick to the side of her face and forehead.
And I thought about it, too. Just end it with her. She’s swimming deep in my ocean and I’m going to drown her with my waves.
“Why won’t you end it?” she asks keeping her eyes trained on the ceiling fan. My eyes beam at her throat, her pulse is thrumming. “You don’t want a relationship with me. You have an idea of how I feel about you. So, cut the chain.”
I do know how she feels about me, but I want her to tell me how she feels. “How do you feel?”
“You know,” she says, sitting up, covering herself with the blanket.
“No. I don’t,” I lie. “Tell me.”
“I…” she’s stammers. “I like you, Felix. A lot. Are you happy, now?” She grabs the ends of her hair, chews it, then she sits up, “Why. Won’t. You. End. This?” Her words are chipped.
“Because I’m addicted to you.”
Sadie
One week later…
We have a band meeting at Felix’s house. I don’t know why they decided to meet here, but this sounds fishy. Because I’ve been avoiding Felix like an STD, ever since he made love to me a week ago. It was the most wonderful thing I’ve ever experienced with him. I’ve been avoiding him because I finally admitted that I have feelings towards him. He makes me feel too vulnerable. Too needy. Too everything. He’s like a virus spreading through my body, he’s everywhere. And I can’t get rid of him no matter how hard I try.
Aurora sits next to East, his arm draped around her shoulder. Azrael sits on the other side of East. Felix stands against the wall with his hands tucked under his armpits. Eyeing me as if he’s calculating his next move.
“I managed to get you on another rock magazine cover. You’ll be performing at the MTV and VH1 awards.” My eyes penetrate Aurora. “Aurora, you’ll have to fly out next week to do a photoshoot for Allure Magazine,” I say.
“Do you guys have any questions?” I ask, and I finally look at Felix and he looks at me as if he holds the key to my heart. I don’t like the way he looks at me, it’s the same look he gave me when we were at the wedding and when he made love to me. I suck in an audible breath as if I’m deprived from oxygen.
Felix untucks his hands from his armpits and raises it in the air.
”Yeah?” That little word comes out shaky.
“What about the photoshoot for our next album?”
He’s just trying to find a way for me to speak to him.
“I sent an email to you last night stating that you’ll have a photoshoot right after your tour.”
He already knew this because he replied with “OK, and why are you avoiding me?” I didn’t respond to it; I act like I didn’t receive it.
East grumbles about wanting to take pictures. He always thinks he’s ugly. When in reality his personality is ugly, but his face looks like it was hand carved by gods.
“Is the food ready to be put on the grill?” Aurora asks as she gets up from the couch.
“Yeah,” Felix says. “I’ll meet you outside, I have to talk to Sadie.”
My body tenses at his words and my heart beats like I’ve been chugging Red Bull.
The rest of the band leaves and it’s just me and him. He eats up the distance between us and all the oxygen is deprived from my lungs. He tilts my chin with his thumb so I can look into his eyes. They are rich and deep and heated, blazing with so much fire. I inhale a heavy dose of his fragrance, pine sap. The smell I love. I sleep in his t-shirt, that’s how much I miss him being inside of me.
“You’re being awkward,” he says, a smug smirk playing on his face. “You miss me?”
I straighten my spine and hold my head high as if I own his life.
“Not really.”
I lie straight through my teeth. I miss having him at night, cuddling with him. I miss our conversations on life. The chemistry between us is more than sexual, it’s like our souls entwine with each other. I never thought I would connect with him on an emotional level. My words are supposed to sting him, but amusement plays on his face. A dimple plants in his cheek as he smiles wickedly.
“Sure. You didn’t. I bet you don’t miss me making you come multiple times a day.”
His smile is so sweet, you’ll catch diabetes from looking at it. I try to keep a straight face, but I want to split my face in half with a smile.
“I have Pete for that.”
He cocks his eyebrow. “Who the fuck is Pete?”
“Calm down, Cujo. It’s my vibrator.”
“You named it after my middle name?” Humor and curiosity mesh together in his voice. I grab the end of my hair and chew.
“Yeah, I had to name him after my first lover. Men have been naming their toys for centuries.”
“True. I named mine Thumbelina,”
He pulls me closer by my belt loop. My body brushes against his and I catch the tingles between my legs. Today, I wear a white tank top and denim shorts with my black Tom Ford flip flops. Nothing fancy. We stare at each other as if we’re gearing up for
