I wasn’t exactly sure what to think of what had just happened. Being with Beau would be risking a loss. Losing him or losing my freedom. Losing my freedom to make my own decisions and be independent, which was the one thing I wanted coming home.
Being with Beau meant I had to be all in, for everything. Was I really ready for that? I didn’t know. Risking my heart?
It wouldn’t be the same as being with Andrew. I’d known Beau Montgomery for years. He’d done nothing but encourage me to be myself and do exactly what I wanted to do. He encouraged me to discover what made me happy. He wouldn’t demand to know my every move or hold me back from the things I enjoyed most. He would never ever make me choose between him and my parents. If I knew anything about Beau, I knew he was good. His soul was beautiful and as much as I didn’t want to tarnish his beauty with my own ugly, I knew we could be good together.
Was I willing to risk Beau getting hurt if I followed my heart over my head?
The fact that he was bound and determined to make me believe that we were meant to be together struck a note in my soul. That he was willing to fight to be with me was something I’d not experienced before.
And God did I want it. I wanted to be with Beau.
If I stopped lying to myself, I’d realize that I’d wanted this for a while now and being back on his farm only confirmed it. But I wouldn’t let him bulldoze me. I wanted a choice in the matter. He needed to know that right this instant. I left Oakley tied in cross ties and barged into the barn office where I knew Beau would be working on paperwork.
He looked up startled as the door banged up against the wall.
“What’s wrong?” The startled look quickly faded into concern as he studied every corner of my face.
My arms crossed over my chest. “I want a choice.”
His eyebrows raised. “A choice?”
“I want the choice to be with you. Andrew told me where to go, what to do, who I could hang out with, and I was just getting my freedom back. Now, it sounds like we’re together. You and me. I want a choice.”
“You have a choice darlin’.” He slumped back in his chair and drew his fingers together like he was praying. “I never said you didn’t have a choice, Cass. I see the thought clearly has you flustered. When I say we’re going to be together it’s as equals. We’re two people darlin’, we won’t always agree on things and I get that but I’ll never make you do anything you don’t want to do. I’ll also never tell you something and expect you not to have your own opinions. If we’re doing this, it’s us against the world. We’re in this together.”
“So why don’t I get a say in whether we’re together or not.”
“You do.”
“I do?” I was so confused. Based on the conversation we’d had earlier it didn’t seem that way. It seemed like he’d decided for me and that was that.
He frowned at me, seemingly offended that I’d think otherwise.
“Cassidy Mae, I just have one question for you? Do you want to be with me?”
“I…” A frown creased my face. “Yes?”
“Yes? Why does that sound like a question?”
I took a deep breath trying to look beyond the fear I’d been holding onto for so long.
What did I really want? How could I be in a relationship with Beau without having closure? Could I really start something new? What would happen to the tiny sliver of independence I’d gained since coming here? Could I truly have independence and Beau? Or would I have to choose once again?
As if he could read my thoughts, he spoke, “Cassidy Mae. I don’t want to own you. You’re your own woman. I want you to be that fearless girl again. I want to see your spark come back. It makes your eyes twinkle like diamond crusted emeralds in the sunlight. And I would never, ever dream of dulling that sparkle. I just want to be there for you and take care of you.”
“Oh, okay…good. Right. Yes.”
“Good, now this leads me back to my original question. Do you want to be with me?”
“Yes,” I said very matter of factly.
“Then it’s settled. Easy peasy. Being with me doesn’t mean you can’t do anything you want to do. I know all of this… scares you, but I need you to promise me that you’ll try.”
“I still want to work in exchange for my room. I still want to ride in the county fair. I want to go to the fireworks next week for the fourth. I want choices to be mine, Beau. And I promise that I will try my best to stay still and know you’ll be here for me.”
“Okay. Done. You can do whatever you want darlin’ and I’ll be right there to help you along the way.”
“Okay…”
“Good. Now, let’s go get Oakley ready for the barrels.” His smile melted my insides and turned them to goo. As he took my hand to lead me back out into the barn, I felt content as if for the first time, everything was falling into place. Like the world had finally found its axis and I was on the right side of it. A weight that I didn’t realize had been crushing me slowly felt less heavy.
We finished brushing Oakley and got her tacked up and ready to ride. Beau followed us out to the arena and we got to work.
“Okay… let’s try some loping in both directions. We’ve only got a few more weeks left. Luckily, Rea kept her pretty much in shape to go. She’s had her out the last couple
