“TV.”
“Good, that’s good. What’s another, Cassidy?”
“Couch.”
“Good. Another. Three more darlin’.”
My eyes scoured the room. “Horseshoes.”
“Three. Two more darlin’. That’s it.”
Think. “Coffee table.”
“Four, can you do one more for me, babe?”
“Beau…”
“Okay, babe. Shhh… I’m here. Good, that’s good, Cass.”
I didn’t realize it while he was talking to me but my breath had started to slow down and I didn’t feel like my heart was threatening to pound out of my chest again. He slowly ran his hand through my hair and started massaging the back of my neck. He was calming me.
As soon as I could breathe again, mortification crept through my veins. I hadn’t realized how embarrassing it was until just now. I’d had a panic attack in front of my two best friends. My eyes immediately found the floor. I couldn’t believe I’d shown them how weak I really was with just a few little words.
I couldn’t look into their eyes and see the pity that was probably written across their faces. I felt fingers gently touch my chin and lift. I shook my head not wanting to look.
“Hey, look at me.” His voice was as smooth as butter as he whispered to me. And I couldn’t resist. My eyes found his chocolate ones filled with so much concern and what I could only assume was love.
“Don’t hide from me, Cassidy Mae. You have no reason to be embarrassed. We’ve all been there. You’ve been through something that most people wouldn’t dream of dealing with in this lifetime and you survived. So, don’t you dare feel like you can’t show us everything.”
I nodded because that’s all I could do. Once again, I’d fallen apart in front of Beau. One of these days he was going to realize that I was a complete and total mess.
“I’m such a mess…”.
“Well darlin’ you may be a mess, but you’re my perfect mess and I wouldn’t want anyone else. Tell you what… we’ll be a mess together if you want because, babe, I’m a mess whenever it comes to you. You’ve messed me up. You’re in my head. You’re in my heart. You’ve gone and messed up my whole dang world, sweetheart, but it’s the best kind of mess.”
“God, there you go again with all that swoon. I honestly don’t know how you do it.” My erratic heartbeat had turned into a pitter-patter and if I didn’t think you could die from my heart skipping a beat, I’d think it did.
The repulsion on Reagan’s face was almost priceless and I had to laugh. “Jeez, you just gush out the cheese, don’t ya brother? I think I threw up just a tiny bit in my mouth… I’m gonna be brushing that out for a week.”
“Oh, grow up. One day you’re gonna be prancing around with some boy toy attached at the hip and we’re gonna have to live through that so…” She smacked him on the shoulder and walked away. Beau helped me off the floor and over to the couch so I could relax. Reagan came up behind me with a freshly made sandwich and handed it over to Beau.
“Here, eat.”
“Thanks, Rea,” He said with a wink.
“Yeah, yeah…”
“So…” He said, picking up the remote. “Whatcha watching?” She flopped down onto the couch on his other side and grabbed for the remote.
“I was watching that ya doofus. Give me the remote and I won’t tell Cassidy Mae how you used to dream about her.”
“Bold, little sister…” Beau looked up at the TV to see what show was playing. “Threats over The Bachelor… really, Rea?”
“Yes, that’s right Beau. Some of us enjoy watching twenty-five ladies fight to the death over one man. So much drama. It makes my soul happy.”
“You do realize how sick and twisted that makes you sound, right? I seriously wouldn’t tell people that these things run through your brain.” She smacked him yet again on the shoulder and huffed as Beau kept hold of the remote, changing the channel on the TV immediately. We flipped through the channels for a good five minutes before landing on a Christmas in July Hallmark Special.
We all settled back on the couch. I curled right into Beau’s side; my feet tucked under me. One arm slid down from the back of the couch and held me snuggly to him. With the other, he finished eating the sandwich Rea had made for him. I could have fallen asleep right then and there.
I was amazed at how okay I’d become with the physical contact. We still hadn’t kissed, but I realized he was waiting for me to ask him and as much as my body said yes, my head still said no. I was still holding back from him, but I really liked him. Like really, really liked him. It scared me and that tiny voice in the back of my head still whispered that I’d never be good enough for a great man like Beau Montgomery. Even though I wanted to be enough for him.
He caught me gazing up at him. “What’s going through that pretty head of yours, sweetheart?” I leaned up and looked around him at Reagan, who was now completely passed out snoring. It didn’t take her long at all. I wanted to tell him things, but I felt like what I was about to say should just be between the two of us.
“Do you ever think about what it would’ve been like if things had been different? If I hadn’t gone away to school and fallen for Andrew?” He stroked over my shoulder, fingertips drifting up and down my arm.
“No need to think about it darlin’. I know we’d be sitting right here doing the same thing. Cuddled up on this couch in love as any two people can be. I know we’re not there yet, Cass, but I can feel it in my bones. We’ll get there soon enough.”
“Do you think it would’ve taken us this long to
