I would never love him, but I needed to supplement my hatred with something
else. Something I could live with. I just didn’t know what; it would require one hell
of an admission. And an admission was exactly what Darren wanted. I thought
about what he’d said after we battled in the snow, about how I couldn’t verbally
admit to him that I craved his touch. It felt like every word was a descent into Hell,
and once they were spoken, I could never take them back. Darren would make
certain they’d haunt me forever. But though it might cost me whatever was left of
my pride, what would it buy me? Would it bring me progress or would it only be
used against me? Just thinking about his hands on my body and what he could do,
what he could make me feel, had me already heating up inside. I knew it was
obvious that when I gave myself over and submitted to him, my body language
couldn’t speak the truth any louder than if I had actually spoken it. I wanted the
pain and the pleasure, but not one without the other. The pain reminded me that
Darren was a monster, and the pleasure reminded me I could handle it.
Yes, I could admit that I wanted Darren for the good things he could make me
feel, for the way my blood rushed when he looked at me, the way my heart skipped
when he spoke, and the way my core clenched with need every time he touched me.
My hatred for Darren easily matched my attraction to him, and when I found those
moments when I could let go of my hatred and focus on what he was doing to me, I
could forget. And ignorance was fucking bliss.
So, yes, I wanted him, but I wanted my fucking freedom more.
Suddenly, a thick arm slid over my middle and yanked me up from the floor,
causing my earbuds to rip from my ears and my card house to crumple. I pulled my
legs in and clung to Darren’s arm and shoulder, gasping in shock as he hauled me
over to the bed and slammed me down on top of it. I managed to swing my legs
around his hips and clasped my feet together to prevent him from getting much
closer. I could already feel the anger rushing from him in waves, and I wasn’t ready
for that tsunami just yet.
“Darren, wait!” I screeched as I tried to push against his chest to gain space. He
quickly grabbed my wrists and pinned them to my sides. I felt the heat blooming
inside me already, my body preparing for what was to come. Literally.
“You wanted pain, remember?” he hissed, the lust in his voice unmistakable.
“I changed my mind,” I said quickly.
A low deep chuckled vibrated up Darren’s throat and caused the hair on my skin
to stand.
“You made your bed, princess. It’s time to sleep in it,” he finalized.
“But that’s not what you want,” I countered, trying to keep my voice from
shaking.
His eyes found mine and penetrated everything I was about to reveal … and it
was going to kill me inside.
“You want me to admit that I want you,” I continued carefully. His chin tilted up
an inch as he regarded me, an eyebrow lifting and waiting for me to continue. I
swallowed back the desert that had claimed my mouth, trying to find the strength
to say the words that might ruin me completely. “And I do.”
Darren’s eyes darkened, the shadows of his brow intensifying his gaze on me to
the point that I thought I was going to suffocate, but I couldn’t look away. I had to
meet him head-on. I had to prove my admission even if it destroyed me.
Darren’s grip on my wrists tightened until I could no longer feel them, and I
couldn’t help but release a small gasp of pain. He then lowered his face to mine.
“And what brought on this little conclusion?” he asked, his voice low and deep.
“I know it’s what you want.”
His grip loosened, his hands cascading up my arms until they cupped my face,
lighting my skin on fire, inside and out. Darren’s forehead touched mine, his nose
grazing along the bridge of my own before he spoke again.
“So you’re finally admitting what I already know?” he asked me. God, he was
barely containing himself; I could feel it.
I felt my breath catch as he pressed his pelvis between my legs, the pressure
increasing just enough to make me want more. That was what I wanted. I wanted a
free pass to the train leaving denial land straight into the guilt-free zone. I wanted
him for one purpose and one purpose only—to pleasure me in his world of pain and
anguish so I could forget
