communicating with another human being, but they weren’t much for
conversation. I still teased them as often as I could, but they never reacted.
Bastards.
At least, I didn’t have to worry about them beyond the trees. Camaro loved going
out in the woods. She’d chase after the squirrels, bark at the birds, and play in the
stream when we went by it. She even loved the ocean but stayed out of the water
since it was still too cold to go swimming. I’d found the old bo I had hidden by the
tree so long ago and went back to practicing. Sometimes, I’d find a rock, and after
several attempts, I’d be able to hit it with the bo like a baseball bat. It quickly
became my precision exercise. I’d hit the rocks, and Camaro would run and fetch
them. Eventually, the rocks would get smaller, and I’d made sure they went into
the stream so Camaro wouldn’t accidentally swallow them. My bo skills were
improving immensely, and I welcomed the distraction, but my life still felt like it
was at a standstill.
While my ultimate goal was still to kill Darren, destroy his empire, and walk
away to find my family, I had nothing else to motivate me to live. Most of my life
was built on my education to get a great job and make something of myself, start a
family, and enjoy the fruits of my labor, but now that was all shot to shit. I was
nothing more than a trophy to Darren, and I felt my luster begin to dull. My days
rolled by one after the other, sometimes never coming into contact with anyone
besides Clive and Owen, and it made me feel like I was going nowhere. I was
nothing but a hamster bored of her running wheel, constantly running but never
gaining a fucking inch. Time was just passing me by with no regard for my wants or
desires.
All I ever did was wait. Wait for the next bit of useful information, wait for the
next domino to fall, wait for my moment to strike, wait for Darren to find and kill
my family, wait for him to fuck me … Everything was done on Darren’s time, at his
pace, his schedule, and I was just a passenger along for the ride. It was not what I
was used to at all.
When I was with Jason, I did what I wanted, when I wanted, wherever I wanted,
and he trusted me every step of the way. Darren sought to treat me like a child, and
the longer I waited for him to trust me, the harder it was to wait. I was tired of
waiting on him, waiting for him to make the next decision about my life, where I
went, what I wore, what I ate, who I talked to. It had been nearly two months since
I’d been back from the island, and I knew how hard it was going to be coming back
here, living in a shadow darker than the last, but it was becoming increasingly
difficult not to let it swallow me whole.
Once again, I needed more, and Darren was catching on.
“Camaro is trying to play with you,” Darren said, catching me off guard.
I looked down from my chair to find Camaro trying to pry her rope toy out of my
hand. I’d been sitting out on the patio, playing fetch with Camaro and watching the
waves of the ocean crash against the shore. I’d forgotten to throw the rope I was so
lost in thought. Lightly tugging on the rope, I told Camaro to let go, and with one
final tug, she did. I rewarded her with a long toss over the grass, and she eagerly
ran off in search of her toy. I went back to staring at the ocean.
“She’s getting bigger,” Darren commented as he watched Camaro snatch her
rope.
“Almost fifty pounds,” I added. She was getting bigger and stronger by the day.
“Good. She will be a good guard dog for you.”
I almost rolled my eyes. “They say dogs are a girl’s best friend,” I said with a
sigh. “My only friend …”
Darren returned my sigh with his own, but his was of irritation. I could see him
pinching the bridge of his nose as he sat down in the chair next to me.
“What is it now, Jaden?” he asked, his voice clipped with annoyance.
I had to answer him honestly. With the way my mood was, he would never
accept the typical “I’m fine, nothing’s wrong” answer. Honesty was his only policy,
and for the most part, I didn’t mind it, except for when it was likely to get me in
trouble. Like right now.
“I can’t think of the right word to describe it right now,” I said gently.
“Try.” His voice did not leave much room for patience.
I sighed, and rubbed my face with my hands. “I just feel like I’m at a standstill.
Like I’m always waiting. It’s a very hollow feeling inside,
