all she wanted, but her fear of me turned her on … because she knew what I would
do to her, and today only reaffirmed that. She wanted the push just as much as I
wanted to give it. I had a feeling she’d soon create it herself just so I had a reason to
punish her. Whether it was done unconsciously or deliberately, she’d pull
something that would warrant a fight, like today.
The therapy session had been a test to see how close she was to acting out, how
deep into her submission she thought she really was, and what she really wanted
from me besides her goddamn freedom.
The hardest thing to break her of was the desire to escape. She still saw her life
with me as only temporary; that she would one day be free of me and this would all
be over. Her determination and will to beat me was much stronger than I gave her
credit for. I needed to give her a better reason to stay, to actually want to stay.
Threatening her family wasn’t enough, granting them mercy wasn’t enough, and
I’d already given her plenty of reasons to hate me. I needed to find a way to reverse
that heated passion into something else and give her a reason to want me, to love
me.
Stockholm syndrome was bullshit. Since when could anyone tell you who you
could and couldn’t love? Just because people put a label on falling for your
kidnapper didn’t mean it had to be a bad thing. Stockholm syndrome was just a
survival tactic for the mind, adapting to the situation by lessening the threat and
identifying with the captor. Yes, it occurred through trauma, but forming a bond
with Jaden during that delicate phase would ensure her loyalty to me. I didn’t give a
shit that Stockholm syndrome carried a negative connotation. That didn’t make it
any less real. And I’d make damn sure it was as real as it could fucking get.
My fingertips drew lazy circles around Jaden’s shoulder blade as my mind drifted
back to the last thing she’d said before she bolted from her therapy session.
Just like it worked out for Darren’s mother?
I’d revealed too much. She’d use that information as a shovel to dig for more.
She’d want the full story about the death of my mother and what it cost my father,
what it cost me. She’d have to earn her right to that privilege, but still, it bothered
me that she worried. She likely had a misguided opinion about my mother, and I’d
have to fix that. I wouldn’t allow her to form a biased opinion on something she
knew nothing about, something she would probably never understand. But then
again, maybe if I told her what happened, she might have a better understanding of
why I kept her under lock and key so tight. Either that or she’d never want to leave
the safety of the estate again.
24
CHANGE
Something had changed in Darren. I didn’t know what caused it, but I suddenly
gained a little more freedom. I could now walk in the woods, and I could do it
without the watch of my guards. I was only allowed an hour every day, and if I were
a second late from emerging from the trees, it would be taken away. I was so
grateful for his “gift” to me that I’d thanked him myself without prompt the entire
morning. He seemed to appreciate the rewards of his generosity as well while I
found it odd that I could reward him so easily for one good deed after six months of
bullshit. But it was my method of survival. If I showed him how happy I was when
he treated me well, then I hoped he would favor the response and do it more often.
If he could condition me, then I would do the same with him.
I did find it odd that he never brought up the conversation I’d had with Sid—the
one I knew he’d been listening in on. Maybe he didn’t want to admit that I was
right. That he didn’t want me obedient all the time, and that he wanted me to fight
him. That he missed it. But he never budged, not even at the idea of his mother,
and what I obviously thought of her and how she handled her situation with his
father.
I had to wonder if it wasn’t smarter that she had persuaded Darren’s father to
purchase her rather than someone she knew nothing about, someone who might
take pleasure in simply killing her instead of someone who took pleasure in simply
having her. Had Darren’s father loved her? Had he cared about her? I hadn’t even
thought to ask of his demise. Had he been killed, too? Does anyone die of old age in
this life?
I wanted to understand more of the world Darren lived in and the rules that
governed it. But I didn’t know how much information he
