With a heavy sigh, I curl up on the couch and close my eyes, attempting to drift off to sleep.
My arms ache with the urge to hold her as I did last night, but she does not want this, and I will not push for anything she does not want.
My thoughts turn to the waterfall, where she responded so beautifully to my touch. My mind replays the small sounds of pleasure that escaped her as her tongue curled around mine and I explored her body. I am honored that she allowed me to worship her so intimately.
My stav extends from my mating pouch as I dwell on the memory. My entire body aches with the longing to hold her close again. Her entire form is soft and giving, unlike the females of my species, who are just as heavily muscled as the males.
A small whimper pierces the darkness and my eyes snap open to find her thrashing on the bed beneath the covers. I rush to her side and gently place a hand on her shoulder. Her eyes are still closed in sleep and I realize she must be having a nightmare.
“Skye, wake up. You are dreaming.” I speak in a hushed tone to avoid startling her.
Her eyelids flutter open, her gaze searching the darkness for a moment before focusing on me. “Raidyn?” Her voice quavers softly.
I take her hand in mine and give it a reassuring squeeze. “I am here.”
A broken sob escapes her as tears slip down her cheeks. “I couldn’t save him, Raidyn,” she whispers. “I couldn’t save him.”
“Save whom?”
“My brother, Thomas. I was supposed to protect him.” She turns, pulling her knees up to her chest as she curls into a ball. “I left him behind. How could I do that?”
Her shoulders shake with sobs. The saline scent of her tears fills my nostrils. Despite her refusal to share a bed with me, I cannot help but gather her smaller form to my chest. I want only to comfort her.
The image of the young male in her arms, his eyes open but unseeing, flits through my mind. I realize now that this must be the memory she carries of his death.
“I wish I could take this pain from you,” I run my hand soothingly up and down her back. “I am sorry you lost your brother.”
“He was the last of my family.” Her voice breaks on the last word. “I was supposed to take care of him, Raidyn. I promised my mother on her deathbed that I would protect him, and I failed. We were so close to the escape pods and then suddenly,” she draws in a shaking breath, “he was gone.”
“Shhh,” I whisper against her ear. “It is not your fault that your ship was attacked.”
“But how could I just leave him?”
“If you had stayed, you would have died as well, my linaya. I do not think he would have wanted that.” I pull back just enough to cup her face with both hands, gently brushing her tears away with my thumbs as I meet her eyes evenly. “It is not your fault that your brother died, my beloved.”
Reluctantly, she nods, and I pull her back to my chest as she cries.
I suddenly realize we carry the same pain, she and I—the guilt of having survived when our loved ones did not. We both believe beyond reason that we could have done something differently to save them.
How many times have I lamented the fact that I survived because of my mother’s sacrifice? If I could, I would have taken her place without hesitation. But I realize that if she had lived instead of me, my mother would have carried the same pain that I bear now.
My mate has lost so much in her life. First, her parents, and now, her brother. I gently run my hands through her long, silken hair as she slowly drifts off into a fitful sleep. I whisper in her ear, “Do not worry, my mate. I will make sure you see your friend again. We will travel to the Fire Clan territory and find her for you. My vow.”
As she lies sleeping in my arms, I am hesitant to leave her side. However, I must respect her wish to sleep alone. I move to untangle our limbs so I can return to the couch, but her small hand on my forearm stops me abruptly.
“Wait,” she mumbles, her blue eyes squinting up at me. “Stay here with me.”
I nod, but as I move to lie down beside her, she makes a small sound of protest in the back of her throat and I still. “What is wrong?”
She looks hesitant. “Can you put on some clothes? A robe, at least?”
I have been nude almost the entire time we have been together. She has already seen my stav, but her insistence that I cover myself makes me worry again that she finds my form displeasing, despite how she reacted to my touch earlier.
“Yes.” I hesitate for a moment, not wanting to ask, but I am desperate to know. She knows I will not mate her unless she wishes it. “Does my appearance offend you?”
My heart hammers as I wait anxiously for her reply. I should be accustomed to females finding me lacking by now. After all, how many have rejected me because of my scar? But if my fated one finds me unpleasant to regard, I believe the devastation will crush me.
Her cheeks turn a deep shade of red. “Clothing would offer a barrier,” she hedges.
I stare at her in confusion. “Against what?”
She softly bites her lower lip as she averts her gaze. “Anything happening between us.”
Her answer dismays me. I swallow against the bile rising in my throat, devastated that she
