Zirene placed me down as my upset males instantly surrounded me.
“She is fine.” Zirene placed a hand on my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I wouldn’t allow any harm to come to her. If we had lost our balance, I would have shadowstepped us away.”
“He’s right; I’m fine.” I nodded, confirming Zirene’s statement. “I will be more careful when I climb trees.” Searching all of my Circuli males' eyes, I continued over our private connections. “I’m sorry for keeping our connections blocked for so long. Your words angered me, so I wanted to prove to you that I could remain hidden, even with my disadvantages.”
“Will you forgive us?”
“We are sorry for what we said.”
I could feel their honesty through our bonds.
It wasn’t their fault that their teasing triggered traumatic memories of my past. It was still difficult remembering how I’d been mocked and feared for my appearance. I had been designed differently than—superior to—the other demi-humans. My silver hair and the spots along my skin made it impossible to hide and blend in, not when everyone else sported solid earth tones.
That was why I felt so safe with my clan. They didn’t care how I looked; only my soul mattered.
My nestmates all loved me—in one form or another—and accidentally hurting me devastated them. There was no reason to hold onto my anger, especially when I had to focus on my speech tomorrow.
“All is well.”
Chapter Two Selena
Lying on my nestbed, I stared aimlessly out the windows as I watched the sun sink below the horizon.
It was hard to believe that we’d been here for a month, settling down as a clan without incident. Every night since Zirene’s return, I wound up nestled between Odelm and Xylo, with the Circuli princes on one side, and my Aldawi prince curled up on the other. My mates seemed to have come to an agreement of sorts, without consulting me. They never fought amongst each other, at least not in front of the cubs and me. The lack of arguments between them assured me that they were trying to respect my wishes.
Their considerate behavior allowed me to focus on my speech, but no matter how much I prepared, I felt as if I wasn’t ready for tomorrow.
What if I freeze up? What if someone asks me a question, and I’m unable to come up with a reply?
Everyone else disagreed with me, of course, telling me I was prepared enough and that they would be there as support. However, I wasn't sure I was truly meant to lead.
Destima was the greatest gift I could receive, but the colony came with a lot of responsibilities. Suddenly, the stress of all the obligations that were shoved into my lap was starting to affect me. I would bear the pressure, not only to better my clan's future, but also everyone else’s who resided on the moon. Destima was an island of refugees searching for a place to belong.
I was their future, whether I liked it or not. They needed a protector, and I would do my damndest to protect them.
Another worry weighed on my mind. Eventually, there would be consequences eventually for my abrupt bonding with V’dim and Z’fir. Maybe a disturbance within our clan, or maybe involving my mates’ mothers, the Circuli Queens somehow.
I wasn’t foolish. My actions in front of the Assembly a month ago would eventually cause ripples. The question was what kind, and when.
Despite all my worries, I loved my two original nestmates—Xylo and Odelm—for we were kindred spirits, each of us different compared to others of our respective species. They had been the very foundation of my growth, and the base of my stability. I couldn’t begin to fathom who I would have become if someone else had found my escape pod. If something were to happen to them, I don’t know that I could bear it.
I wouldn’t call it a one-sided dependence. As their nestqueen, they needed me as much as I needed them. We shared a mutually dependent relationship, even though their biological needs made them yearn for a nestqueen to complete them. Would my adaptive abilities, given to me by my designers, make me feel the same level of connection to them? Would every minute I spent with them strengthen my connection to each male, triggering an instinct within me, making me dependent on them?
Would it matter?
My relationship with Zirene, however, was destined, sealed by the Fates and Stars themselves to bind us together as Nova and Shadow. I’d grown to love him over the years, and while I accepted his apologies for all of my grievances against him, something in my heart still prevented me from returning those three words to him.
Checking my mental shields, I made sure none of my nestmates could pick up my inner musings. They were secured, a thin veil covering each of their connections and allowing me privacy while giving my mates the comfort of knowing that I was alright.
I didn't know how to act around my Circuli princes.
I didn’t regret offering them the chance to save their people by sealing a bond with me. I considered them friends and had trusted them enough to allow them to scry me when we were still on the Destiny. They were appreciative of the opportunity I provided and thankful for a nestqueen who freed them from the pressures of leadership.
They make me feel awkward with their feelings of indebtedness. As if I need more reasons to worry that our bond will never be as strong. The princes had grown up together as nestbrothers since they were in the hatchery, so close that sometimes they acted like one unit instead of two individuals.
How can I ever compare to that bond?
I knew they wanted me, driven by a biological drive to give a nestqueen their bonding spores and to bind themselves to a female. I didn’t
