“You did it the other night,” I said softly. “When I cut my finger.”
“That was different.” His tone was clipped now, and I expected him to completely shut down this topic.
“How?”
“Well, for starters, it was a very small cut and not a lot of blood. It’s different when we drink straight from the vein.” He took a deep breath, and his chest heaved. His body became harder, more tense behind me.
My heart rate skyrocketed.
“That type of pleasure drinking typically happens during sex,” he said.
“Oh.” I was silent for a moment, letting his words sink in.
Was everything with vampires about blood and sex? Considering the intense, all-consuming reaction I’d had, that made sense. It was easy to imagine him drinking from me during sex, the pleasure it must create. I shivered at the thought.
“But it’s purely physical,” he said, his tone suddenly lighter. “A bite like that creates a high unlike any drug on the market. It’s easy for humans to crave it and become addicted. Lots of vampires count on that.”
I swallowed hard. “Have you thought about biting me like that?”
“Yes. More than I care to admit.” His voice was deep and husky, bordering on tortured.
I wasn’t ready to have sex with him, or let him claim me, and I really wasn’t ready to let him change me, but I wanted to do something to show him how much I loved him. To show him I was committed to him.
Sitting up just enough to shrug his jacket off, I leaned back and tilted my head, exposing my neck. “I trust you.”
He was stone-still for far too long, and I waited, my pulse racing. Then, he trailed his finger down the column of my neck, and a second later, his lips followed. He kissed the crook of my neck, lingering.
I closed my eyes and prepared myself for his bite.
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE:
Strength
TRENT DRAGGED HIS LIPS UP MY neck and nipped at my ear. “If only I trusted myself as much as you do.”
Disappointment landed hard in my gut. Not because he wouldn’t bite me—part of me was actually kind of relieved—but because he’d done it before, with other girls. So, why wouldn’t he do it with me?
I sat forward, snatched his jacket, and once again draped it around my shoulders, deliberately pulling it closed around my neck.
“You’re mad,” he said, his frown evident in his tone.
“Not mad. Just… confused.” I fidgeted with the buttons on his jacket, thankful he couldn’t see my face, or the tears that were threatening to spill free. “Why did you do it with other people but not me?”
He sighed. “I told you. That type of bite creates a very physical reaction. It doesn’t ever mean anything.”
“So, it would mean nothing to you?”
“That’s not what I said.” Frustration laced his words. “Why does this matter so much to you anyway?”
I shrugged but remained silent. I wasn’t sure I had an answer other than I wanted to know what it felt like to be bitten. If I decided to change, he’d have to bite me, and I needed to know I could handle it. And, whether out of selfishness or pure jealousy, I needed to know I was just as special as whoever else he’d bitten like that.
“Like I said. It never means anything, okay?” he said with an air of finality.
But I wasn’t going to give up so easily.
“See, that’s where you’re wrong.” I shifted so I was kneeling between his legs, facing him. “Every single time you touch me or kiss me, it means something, Trent. At least, it does to me.”
He took my face into his hands and peered into my eyes. “It means something to me, too, Chloe, which is why I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to cheapen what we have by getting you high from my bite.”
I disagreed, but I didn’t want our little disagreement to turn into a full blown fight. “Is that the only reason?” I asked.
He tilted his head, studying me through narrowed eyes. “Months ago, you wouldn’t even ask me how a person became a vampire, and now you can’t stop asking me about feeding and biting. What’s going on?”
“In case you forgot, I have a decision to make, and I’d like to have as much information as possible. Is that so terrible?” I asked.
“No,” he said, frowning. “But I thought your mind was made up.”
I shook my head. “It’s not.”
And the more time I spent with Trent, the more I fell in love with him, the farther away my human dreams got, because I didn’t want any of it if I didn’t have Trent by my side.
His head fell back against the chair, and he groaned. “You’re killing me, Chloe.”
“I’m killing you?” I snorted. “That’s kinda hard to do when you’re technically already dead.”
He let out a surprised laugh. “Every time you ask questions like this, it gives me hope that maybe you’ll want to change.” He moved his hands to rest on my waist, his hold firm, grounding me in the moment. “But I can’t let myself hope like that.”
The last thing I wanted to do was give him false hope, but it’s not like I’d ever lied to him. He knew where I stood on this issue—well, he knew I was conflicted because not even I knew where I stood yet.
“Okay, what do you want to know?” he asked.
I glanced up at him, noticing for the first time just how… exhausted he looked. Not physically, but emotionally, and that was probably worse.
“When you first changed, was it difficult to be around humans?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“Because you wanted to drink their blood?”
“Yes.”
I sucked in a sharp breath. I’d known that was going to be the answer, but hearing it didn’t make it any easier to stomach. I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“But you can be around them now. How long did it take for you to get comfortable enough around them not to want to kill them?” I asked.
“When I figure that
