She ran her finger around the rim of her cup. Her words were slow. “When we get to the cemetery, can you give me a few minutes alone?”
“Not a problem. If you don’t mind, I’d like some alone time with Damian too.”
Harlem couldn’t help but notice that unlike yesterday, Carter looked a little more stressed. Her heart didn’t just ache for herself, but it hurt for him too. She hadn’t shared many moments with Carter and wasn’t used to seeing him in this state. She’d only known Carter to be carefree. Harlem could tell that he carried a lot of weight on his shoulders. She was lucky to have family and friends to share her burden. Carter had . . . Elaina. Harlem hoped that Elaina was the support that Carter needed.
*****
Carter and Harlem stopped by the florist before they made the short drive over to the cemetery. Neither said much. The tension in the car grew thicker the closer they came to where Damian was buried.
Finally, the car stopped. Carter didn’t cut the engine because it was too cold.
Harlem glanced out of the window. The sky mirrored how she felt. It ranged from a mid-gray to a dirty white as large, fluffy snowflakes began to fall. “We’re here.” She said in a pain-filled voice.
Carter didn’t respond.
“I see they put down the headstone.” Harlem wasn’t really speaking to Carter.
She was only a few short steps away from her final goodbye. Her eyes started to glisten. Her voice was a barely-there whisper. “Do you want to go first?”
Carter cleared his throat. “If you don’t mind.”
“Not at all.” It would give her just a little more time to get her thoughts together.
Carter opened the door, and a gust of cold wind came inside. Harlem wasn’t sure if it was possible to be any colder. She was chilled from the inside out. He closed the door, and she watched him walk over to the gravesite.
Carter stood in front of Damian’s headstone before placing a single white rose on top of it. He read the inscription, In Loving Memory of Damian Jamal Fox. You are always in our hearts. You left us too soon, but we’ll love you forever.
“This is not how we were supposed to be spending your Birthday.” Carter glanced up towards the cloudy sky. He needed the cold from the snow to help him get through this moment. After he’d gathered himself, he continued with his conversation. “These past couple of months have been hell. Half the time, I don’t know if I’m coming or going. One minute, I want to call you just to chop it up, and the next, I want to punch you in the face. You left me in an impossible situation. You told me to live. You told me to thrive. You even had the gall to tell me to make a life with Harlem. You said that she would be the perfect wife for me. Never mind the fact that I would feel like I was betraying you or that YOU were the only thing she and I had in common. I couldn’t imagine doing that, so I found my own version of the perfect woman. You remember Elaina Robins? Probably not. I only mentioned her once or twice. We dated casually but got serious . . .” His voice trailed off, “after you got sick. I think you’d like her. She’s all the things we discussed a good woman should be. The problem is, now that you’ve planted seeds of a romance in my head, I’m now having x-rated dreams about her. That was a fucked up thing to do. Just like making me a father when you know, I had no desire to be one. I don’t want to mess up another human being. You played God with my life and hers. As if all of this isn’t fucked up enough, you mailed a letter that just arrived a few days ago to give to Harlem for today. If you were alive, I’d . . .” Carter gritted his teeth. Emotionally exhausted, he dropped his head to his chest. “I’d hug you so damn hard. Damn, man. You were my only real family.” Carter sighed. “I have no earthly idea of what I’m doing, but I can promise you this, I’ll always make sure that both Harlem and the baby are well taken care of.” He ran a hand down his face. “You know she is not going to make it easy.” Carter released a long and heavy sigh. “The gang sends their love. They wanted to be here but understood the need for Harlem and me to have this time.” Carter paused for a while. “Do me a favor, try not to raise too much hell up there without me–until we meet again.” Carter placed his hand on the cold headstone for a few moments before finally backing away. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked back over to the car, and got inside.
It was evident by the look on his face that Carter was emotionally spent. Harlem felt it was best to leave him alone with his thoughts. They could support one another, but they both had to figure out a way to reconcile their feelings on their own. Harlem was just about to open her door to get out when Carter stopped her. “Wait . . .I have something to give you."
Harlem looked confused. Carter reached over her and into the glove compartment. He opened it and
