Harlem Denise Thomas, I will always love you. Always.
Damian
Harlem was shocked. Damian dropped several bombs in that letter. The biggest of all was that he knew. He knew that she wasn’t in love with him. He also planned this clusterfuck. “Damian Jamal Fox, you will not get the last word!” Tears rolled down her face as she crushed the letter to her chest.
Carter couldn’t hear exactly what Harlem was saying. Still, he could see by her posture that she was definitely having a come to Jesus moment with Damian. Carter didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t sure if he should get out of the car or stay put. For now, he decided to stay put.
“I am pissed!” She roared. “I mean PISSED PISSY to the highest levels of PISSIVITY. You left me to raise this baby without you, only for me to find out that you never intended to raise this baby with me!” Harlem released a scream that came from the depths of her soul.
That was it. Her wail was Carter’s cue, and he got out of the car and walked toward her. He stood a few steps behind, just in case she needed him.
Harlem continued on with her rant. “I can’t even yell at you.” Her voice broke. “What the hell are you talking about regarding Carter and me?” Harlem pressed her lips together as she rubbed her forehead. She took several deep breaths as she continued to try to calm herself. “I had a plan for today, and I’m going to fulfill it. I have three things I wanted to say to you, Damian Fox.” Harlem held up a finger. “Number one, you’ll always be my family even though I want to hurt you so bad right now! As angry as I am, I have to take some responsibility. It’s not entirely your fault because deep down, I knew why you wanted to have a baby–it was for the same reason I wanted to get married. I should have never let things go as far as they did. Number two, I forgive you. I have to. I can’t carry all of this. It’s too heavy.” She dropped into the snow onto her knees.
Carter was just about to reach for her but froze at Harlem’s last declaration.
“I loved you so much, but I’m so so sorry that I wasn’t in love with you. I tried. I tried so hard.” Her tears fell like a waterfall.
Harlem wasn’t sure how long she knelt in the snow. Her coat was starting to get wet. Slowly, she lifted her head and placed the palm of her hand on the headstone. She whispered. “I will never forget you. Thank you for sharing your time on earth with me.”
Harlem started to get up, and Carter was right there to assist.
He helped her rise from the cold ground. Carter knew that something was off when it came to their relationship, but he never would have guessed her revelation.
They walked back to the car. He opened her door, and Harlem slid inside. Carter then walked around and got in himself. As Carter put the car in drive, Harlem had to ask. “How much did you hear?”
“Probably more than you would have liked.”
Her voice was filled with pain. “Did you know about Damian’s plan?”
Carter had no idea what Damian put in her letter and didn’t want to share anything Damian didn’t want shared. “We had a conversation before he died. He wanted us to raise the baby together.”
“That’s not what I’m asking!” Frustrated, Harlem pressed her palm against her forehead. “Did you know that he planned this?! Were you aware that Damian knew he was dying before we started in-vitro?”
Carter shook his head and sighed. “No. I didn’t know that until today.”
“I can’t imagine why he would think we could be a couple.”
Carter responded. “Damian was brilliant, but he definitely saw things differently than most.”
“Aren’t you the least bit pissed that we were manipulated?”
Carter was doing his best to keep his emotions in check. Of course, he was angry. “I don’t exactly have the luxury of being able to have that argument with him considering my best friend is dead.”
Bullseye. His words hit Harlem in the chest. She calmed. “I did love him.”
“How you two felt about one another is none of my business. At the end of the day, I made promises, and I intend to keep them.”
Harlem sat back. They drove in silence for a little while. “I’m sorry to take my frustrations out on you.”
“You don’t need to be sorry. You’re the one who’s pregnant. You have every right to feel how you feel.”
“I am a woman who likes order. I don’t know how to plan for this. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
“Maybe that was the point. Maybe that was his gift?”
“What?”
“There is no plan for something like this. You have an amazing family that loves you and support from many of your friends. One lesson I’ve learned is that life is short. Shit can change at the drop of a dime. We need to not only be present for every moment but learn to find the joy in it. I won’t sit here and tell you that I’m not struggling with doing that today, but I have to make an effort. Like it or not, in less than six months, you and I are going to be parents. We don’t have much
