“Sweets, you need to steel yourself. Be strong for Delaney,” taking a deep breath, she spills it as quickly as she can. “Your husband was shot and killed last night at the saloon.”
Anika stares at her as all the color fades from her face, making the bruises stand out even more shockingly. She falls back onto her pillows and presses a fist to her mouth, closing her eyes.
“Be strong, Mrs. Coltrane,” Mrs. Daniels pleads, hugging her tightly and soothes her as Anika struggles to contain her reaction.
“How?” She manages to choke out. Tremors roll over her body as she listens to the story.
“He was drunk on whiskey and lager you see, he accused someone of cheating at cards. A fight started, they shot him dead in the ruckus.”
“I see.” Dead, he’s never going to hit her again. They are free! “I… thank you for telling me. If you don’t mind could I have some time… alone?” Anika asks quietly.
“Of course, I will have some breakfast brought to you. Just rest now.” She watches the poor woman rush from the room as wave after wave of mirth rolls out of her. Anika laughs until her tears turn to sobs.
“God, forgive me,” she cries. Relief rushes through her body as she thinks about her freedom. All cried out, she sleeps until the sun is setting and manages to get up and start walking.
What sound does a heart make when it breaks? As she slowly cleanses her body and changes into a gown the sight of her empty belly causes her to double over in agony. Anika wonders how it is possible that the world does not hear the screams of her soul. Slow, deep breaths and she stands back up to finish dressing. Her breasts are full, within a few days the first of her milk will come in. She tries not to think of her sweet angel. Dinner is broth and bread, and she forces herself to eat, grateful to have the nourishment. Delaney will need her to be strong.
“I have to bury my husband and my daughter, then figure out what I’m going to do.”
Delaney leaps from the carriage the next morning and rushes into the boarding house as fast as her little legs will carry her. Bursting into the room, she stops and stares at her mother in the rocking chair. “Delaney,” she opens her arms and waits for her to rush to her.
Piercing hazel eyes travel over her mother’s bruised and battered face and land on her stomach. Tears glisten, as she glances around the room, “Mama?” She pleads. It is a plea of denial, but Anika can only give her the truth.
“It’s going to be alright, Delaney, we need to talk.” Delaney runs forward and drops to her knees, putting her head in her mama’s lap.
“No, Mama,” she whimpers as Anika strokes her head.
“As long as we have each other, everything else will work out.” Together they cry, and when she tells her of her sister, more tears follow.
Chapter 3
Four days later, dressed in a borrowed black dress from Clara, Anika smooths her skirt over her trim waist. She took particular time to look lovely this morning, allowing her strawberry curls loose around her shoulders and pulled up on the sides. It was her way of rebelling against Saul one last time. He hated when she did her hair and threatened to cut it off the last time that she didn't pull it straight back into a tight bun. Glancing at her, you would almost not know that she had lost a baby just a few days earlier. Weight gain was not a problem with money scarce during her pregnancy, and her body was quickly recovering.
They ride with the doctor and his wife to the gravesite and Anika blocks out the voices around her. The warm August air blows across her, but even the morning sun can't warm her soul. Delaney holds tightly to her hand, and she can't help but think about the future. Now when she envisions it, there is no pain or fear only hope that things will get better, so she can give Delaney a better life. As the caskets are lowered into the ground inside the cemetery outside of town, the pastor’s voice pulls her to the present.
“The Bible says, ‘Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.' Seek first the word of God and understanding will follow. Thank you for coming.” The pastors seized the opportunity for a quick sermon on serving our neighbors before he concludes. Thankfully, the church paid for the funerals. A few members from the boarding house came, all had kind words of encouragement and sympathy, but Anika is relieved to see them leave. After the last person leaves, she asks to speak to the Pastor privately. Clara leads Delaney to the wagon as her husband waits nearby.
“Mrs. Coltrane, if there is anything I can do for you and Delaney just say the word.” Pastor Donegal is Irish with a brogue that makes her smile. Standing next to the fresh mounds of dirt, staring at the tombstones Anika can’t bring herself to look at him.
“I think we should pray for my soul, Pastor. I’m so full of hatred towards him. Does that mean I’m evil?”
“Evil?” He looked at her face swollen and bruised before he speaks. “No, Mrs. Coltrane. Human? Yes. You lost a child you loved, from the man who was supposed to protect and honor you. Hatred is a normal feeling, but you must not let it taint your soul. In time you should seek to forgive him, for the demons that rode his soul were many.”
“Forgive him?” Anika looks at him in surprise. “How, if I can’t forgive myself. If I were stronger…”
