“Skye–”
“Wait,” I rushed out. “Don’t say anything. Not yet.”
“When do I ever get a chance to say what I want?”
I moved forward and placed my hand over his mouth. “I’m so in love with you, but it scares me because I’m not sure I love myself and how can I love you in the way you deserve if I don’t love myself?” I was rambling and I wasn’t sure if it was nerves or the fact that he still had his arms folded. I slowly moved my hand away and tried to breathe, but his look pierced me, and every breath was escaping my chest.
He looked at the floor.
“What have you come to say, Skye?”
I pulled in my top lip and moved my gaze from him to the floor. “I’m leaving.” I caught the slight hitch of his breath. “Dr Chris has arranged for me to volunteer at a sexual health clinic in Amsterdam. It’s run by her friend. They have counsellors there. One of them specialises in loss and bereavement and she’s agreed to offer me some…help.” I ended the statement with a laugh wrapped in a sob. The word help encouraged the upset, the unbelievable situation I found myself in where I was finally admitting I needed to do something about putting the pieces of myself together that I feared I was losing.
“Skye–”
“You’ve been so patient and kind and selfless.”
“Skye–”
“Let me finish.” He finally looked at me as I held up my hand. “I came to tell you that this isn’t the end for us…it’s the start.”
“Start?” he questioned, twisting his face into unbelievable mode. “What does that even mean? The start of us happened years ago. The start of us happened the moment we met.”
I wrapped my arms around myself. “Don’t make this hard–”
“Hard?” He laughed.
“What’s wrong?” Something was different. Something had changed.
“I’ve been fired, Skye,” he gritted out. “Does that make it hard? Gav got the promotion and I’m out.”
“What?” I gasped, the words fading away to nothing as anger took over. “How? You said the job was yours.”
“Funnily enough, Skye, they weren’t happy with the fact that I’d helped make a porn film.” He sighed. “Didn’t look good on my appraisal. Accomplishments for the year, filming a great anal scene. Really got the slip and slide motion just right.”
“How did they know?” He sighed and it didn’t take me long to understand. Gav. “Where the fuck is he?”
“Calm your tits. He isn’t here.”
“That bloody weasel!” It was one of those moments where I could feel the blood rushing through my ears, a loud beat, a drumming that felt like it was getting louder. Anger, rage and shock that his so-called friend could betray him like this.
“I’ll go and see your boss. I’ll explain.”
“Please don’t” he replied. “I can’t guarantee what will come out of your mouth and I don’t want to chance it.”
“I’m sorry.”
He sighed, shaking his head before looking up to the sky. “You’re leaving?”
“For a while,” I confirmed, ignoring the devastation on his face. He ruffled the back of his head with his hand, leaving it there as he glanced at me.
“I think you’d better come in.” Part of me didn’t want to because he was nerdyliscious and I was vulnerable, and I didn’t need sex to throw us off. Stay in the living room and keep your eyes to the floor. But I knew I owed him an explanation and I wasn’t ready to walk away.
I walked behind him and the first thing I noticed were boxes, marked with various things such as clothes and books.
“What’s going on?” I asked, looking around.
“I’m moving out,” he replied. “I can’t stay here.”
“Why?”
“Two reasons. One, I can’t afford to stay here without a job and two, Gav wants me out.”
“Can he do that?”
“I’m a lodger. He can do what he wants.” I felt sick. Will threw the photo frame of us –Stacey cut off at the shoulder– into one of the boxes marked Will’s junk. I ignored the sting. “I didn’t realise how much he wanted the promotion,” he replied. “Not a great feeling to be stabbed in the back by someone you thought was a mate.” His words hung heavy in the air. “So, I’ve lost my job, my home…and now it appears I’ve lost you, too.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said, moving towards him. He took a step back and those folded arms returned, defending himself from…me.
“I worked my way up from nothing Skye. What the fuck am I going to do now?” He shook his head. “I’ll get a name for myself. The porno guy. I’ll never work again.”
“’I’ll help you,” I said, “We’ll find something. You can stay at the flat until you find somewhere else–”
“Stop trying to fix things!” he said, his voice climbing slightly. “You can’t fix this. I deserved that fucking promotion, Skye! Now, I haven’t even got a job.”
“I shouldn’t have asked you to do it.”
“You think?” He sliced his hand through his hair as I covered my mouth. He caught my shock and blew out a frustrated breath. “Shit, sorry, that’s not fair.”
“It is,” I replied. “I ask you to do this ridiculous stuff all the time and–”
“I could’ve said no,” he said, “but you know I never would.” He sat down on the arm of the chair. “That doesn’t mean I’m not pissed, Skye.”
“I know,” I nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m not ready for sorry.”
I looked around at the boxes. “Where are you going?”
“Staying at my parents.” He glanced at me. “Can’t wait to have that conversation with them about why I’ve been sacked.”
“I can come with you,” I offered. “Explain it was all my idea.”
“No,” he replied, softly. “That won’t help. I need to fight my own battles, the same as you.” I nodded. “Anyway, I’ve got an interview lined up, so there’s that.”
“That’s great,” I replied, thankful for some good news.
“Not really.” He shrugged. “It’s for a shitty local paper in Scotland. I’ll be covering
