I’m still yours,
Flynn
I blinked, and tears fell from my eyes, rolling off my cheeks. I sat my mug on my end table before putting the notes on the table as well. I grabbed the covers and nuzzled deep into the bed. The need to love Flynn and the need to nurture him went hand in hand. His words destroyed my mind. They echo within the confines of my brain. I need him, want him, and I love him. I couldn’t deny that. My hand clutched around the locket dangling from my neck.
He’d killed people. He took part in killing innocent people. The Army called it collateral damage. But he was just as sickened as I was. How could I judge him for something he had no choice in doing? He’d seen people close to him killed. That must weigh heavy on his shoulders. He’d been through hell and back, but in each letter he wrote my name. He regarded me as if he loved me.
I was lost and confused, but happy and certain. It was endless. I couldn’t process what he’d been through, and it was a lot of trauma. I’d read his first hand account to the trauma but it still didn’t settle with me. How could I accept it and move past it? How could he? Was it even possible? I wasn’t sure, but I did know that it made me happy to know he thought about me.
I was certain that I still loved Flynn, but I wasn’t sure what to do about it.
I sat across from Ivory Howell in her office once again—only this time, it was solely to do with my conflicting feelings regarding Flynn. I spewed word vomit about him, and somehow she got the gist of it. My leg bounced in an annoying rhythm as I listened to what she thought.
“You love him. Love isn’t rational, Eve. It’s a powerful emotion. When we are in love, we tend to excuse what the person we love did. That’s not necessarily a bad thing in this case. From what you’ve told me, it seems like he loves you back.”
“But… would it be right for me to accept his past? I mean, I want to—more than anything.”
She shrugged. “Then what’s stopping you?”
My mouth parted before I pressed my lips together. What was stopping me? He couldn’t change his past. He hated his past, that was apparent from the letters themselves. I could help him move forward. I wanted to help him move forward.
“Can’t answer that, can you?” Her lips quirked into a smile.
I pushed my glasses up on my nose. “No, I can’t.”
“The first step is talking to him. Get your feelings off your chest, and then see where you’d like to go from there.” She jotted something down on her clipboard.
“How did I know you were going to say that?” I mumbled, grabbing my purse and standing up.
“Because you’re a smart woman. Go figure things out. Call me when you want to schedule another session.” She smirked. “I’m rooting for you guys.”
I laughed. “How professional.”
She rolled her eyes. “We’ve known each other for years. Before I was even your therapist.”
“I’m just kidding.” I smiled. “Seriously, thank you. Talking through my feelings always seems to help. A lot.”
Her eyes softened. “I’m happy to hear that. Good luck with Flynn.”
“Thanks,” I said as I walked out of her office and toward my car.
The air was bland and the breeze cool, a typical day in late fall. A chill shot down my spine as I approached my car. It was unlocked, and I knew I locked it. I glanced around the empty parking lot. Nothing looked suspicious, but my instincts told me I needed to get out of here.
I checked my backseat and trunk before I got in, locked the car, and drove home. A nagging feeling in the back of my mind told me something wasn’t right but I shoved it away. I didn’t have time to be paranoid.
I locked my front door behind me before settling on my couch and mustering the courage to call Flynn.
“I’d given up hope you’d call,” he said. His tone was sad, and that pierced my heart.
“Well, I told you I’d call. I just needed time to process everything.”
“And?”
“And I want to meet up to talk about the last letter. I haven’t opened it. I want to know the rest.” I pulled my glasses off and placed them on the couch beside me before I curled myself into a ball and rested my head on my knees.
There was hesitation on the other side. I imagined him sitting on this couch inches away from me with his lips curved into a frown. “You’re sure? After what you’ve found out about me?”
“We all have demons, Flynn. Some are just darker than others.”
“Okay.” He paused. “When do you want to talk?”
I yawned, my eyelids fluttered closed. “Is tomorrow afternoon alright?”
“I’ll be there.”
“Good.” I smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“See you then. Have a good evening, Evelyn.” He hung up.
I wasn’t sure if it was the lack of sleep last night or the emotional whiplash from the past few months, but I was exhausted. My breathing evened, and I drifted off to a dreamless sleep—not even my nerves over meeting with Flynn or the eerie feeling in the back of my mind could stop me.
I found Ma knitting on the couch in the living room. She seemed deep in thought as I sat down on the couch next to her. I hadn’t been fair to her. The resentment I’d held all these years toward her was unwarranted. It wasn’t her fault that my father had turned so fucking bitter. At least now I knew the reason behind it.
“I’m sorry.” My voice made her jump, and she put her hand to her heart frantically.
She shook her head as she took a few deep breaths. “Oh, Flynn! You scared the bejeezus
