Deo resisted the urge to rub the center of his chest, where his heart was currently being a baby and pumping pain through his body at the speed of lightning. He nodded. It wasn’t what he had wanted. He wanted to fall asleep with his Aisha pressed against him. He wanted to fall asleep next to his mate after he had kissed away the sadness and confusion surrounding her.
“Yes. Whatever you need. Please, before I go though. Tell me what’s wrong, mate? I would deny you nothing, you know that, right?”
Sucking on her bottom lip, she turned her eyes down.
“Honestly? I just don’t know if I’m ready for all this.”
She waved a hand between them.
The air was sucked out of his lungs. Ready for this? Did she mean that she was rejecting him? Was that even possible? No one had ever told him of an Amit warrior being rejected. What if she did? What then? Did he just wait for the dragon to overtake him?
Well, if he would cease to exist, what the hell did he have to lose. He moved forward and cupped the back of her head as he smashed his lips to hers.
This moment would remain his for eternity, even if he wasn’t who he was now. He tasted her, flicking his tongue against hers. Exhaustion hit him. As a fixer by nature, he always had the answers. He was tired though. Right now, he only wanted to feel. Perhaps he couldn’t fix her, convince her, or reason with her. He could give one last thing and that was himself.
If she didn’t want him for what he was, then at least he’d gone out knowing he’d done his best. Letting down his people, his brothers wasn’t ideal, but at least the others would find their mates. He was sure of it. They would pass on their bloodlines.
He grabbed her ass. Goddess, he wanted her, but he wouldn’t. He would walk away and come back tomorrow for what he feared would be the last judgment. But perhaps she would see reason and follow her heart. It was up to the goddess now.
Deo gave her one last kiss and then pulled away. His hard shaft would be difficult to ignore as he moved back, away from her. Yeah, this would fucking suck, but he had no choice.
Turning away from her, he shifted and mid stride took off before he lost all control and his dragon overtook the logic. No one wanted a mate that wasn’t willing.
He took one last glance down at her as they rose higher and higher into the sky.
She looked just as tortured as he felt.
11
She shielded her eyes as she watched him fly away. She couldn’t breathe. Aisha wrapped her arms around her stomach, the stabbing pain of regret shooting through her. What had she done? Would he come back? Did she know how to get in touch with him?
This wasn’t supposed to be like this. Her personal life. It wasn’t supposed to be complicated.
Aisha had already dealt with complicated. She’d lost what mattered to her. She accepted that she would never really be accepted anywhere, and she accepted a marriage that was at its best agreeable. But right now. All that seemed stupid. What if she’d just lost the last thing that would really matter to her, something even more powerful than the love for her father?
The world started to close in around her. The air was too thick to breathe in. The gravity too strong to fight as she fell to the ground, her knees hitting the grass. She clutched at her shirt, gripping the fabric against her chest.
It hurt. Her heart literally hurt.
But she didn’t want to be someone’s to control, and she didn’t want to give up her research. The one thing that had made her feel something after her father died. Something that had given her purpose. She’d never truly known her purpose until she’d found her research. But now?
She just wanted to be touched again, but by him. He brought back feeling within her. She was no longer numb, and she wasn’t entirely sure that the human side of her could turn it off again.
Crap. What should she do?
Deep breaths. She needed to clear her head. This was just a panic attack. It was fine. She could be okay.
Her legs shook as she made her way to the back door. She would be okay. She would fix her mistakes.
Maybe. Yanking at the door, she nearly fell into the kitchen as she quickly scanned the room for her purse. It was here somewhere. The door slammed behind her and she turned her head back and forth. Her purse had to be here. She was sure of it.
There. Behind the chair on the floor. Someday she was going to get her shit together. Someday. Yanking it up, the purse thunked against the table.
Rifling around the disorganized interior, she couldn’t find it. The card. Deo had given her a card with a number on it to call if she ever figured out the chip. She needed that number now.
Think. “Where the hell is it?” she asked no one. Closing her eyes, she tried to remember. He’d handed it to her, and she might have been a little distracted by his looks, but she’d taken it and, and what?
Oh right. She still had it back on her desk. Of course she did.
Shit. Okay.
She just needed to go back to the college. It was fine. Running through the house, she grabbed her keyring with her office key and went straight through the front door.
“Aisha? Where have you been?” called Tan.
She waved him off as she ran past him. “Can’t talk. I’ll be back.”
“What?”
She didn’t bother answering. Aisha ran as fast as her chubby little legs would go. At some point she would get in shape. Maybe today was that day because her damn thighs burned, and she needed to push through. She needed to fix this, now.
Doubling over at the corner, it was apparent this was not
