At night, he would dream of her. It was always the same. Ella was weak, wasted away by her illness, and reaching out to him. But he could never reach her. He hadn’t been able to save her. He had failed her.
One night after dozing in his room for a couple of blurry hours, Zack walked out into the hall to find a plate of food waiting for him on the kitchen table. His stomach growled as a reminder that he hadn’t eaten all day. He took a step towards the food only to hear laughter ring out.
He paused, wondering if he was imagining things.
Then there was a giggle. Ross’s giggle.
His heart skipped a beat in hope to hear that sound again. It had been too long. Though the boy had tried to laugh a few times in the past week, it always ended in a deep cough. But now, there was nothing. Zack ran across the room eagerly, into the front room where he found Della and Ross together.
The tree had been set up two weeks ago. Zack had taken Ross into the nearby mountains to find the right tree. They had waded through the snow for two hours before finding the right one. It was a thick tree, fairly small, but perfect for a young boy. They had put off decorating it, just like they had for the last couple of years. Especially after Ross had fallen sick, Zack worried that their trip had been what caused the illness. He had even considered getting rid of it so he wouldn’t have to look at the bitter reminder.
Now, there were bowls of ribbons and dried fruit and pinecones everywhere, along with string. Della was telling Ross a story about leeches that made him giggle. The bottom half of the tree was looking well decorated and colorful. There were candles lit around the two of them, creating a cheerful scene.
It made his heart hurt. Only a few years ago, Ross had been doing that very thing with his mother.
It was Ella’s tradition. She loved decorating the Christmas tree. The first year they were married, he had tried to help her, but he had only dropped and broken everything that he touched. She had instructed him to watch from the chair. Feeling useless, Zack would bring out his old violin and play for her.
His violin. Zack wondered where that instrument had gone. He couldn’t recall the last time he had touched it. There had been one time when Ella had recently fallen ill, he recalled, where she had asked him to play for her. He had done so for hours, playing even after she had fallen asleep.
Beyond that, he couldn’t recall anything. He didn’t know what had happened to it or where it had gone.
Zack could feel an itch in his fingers, ready to pluck those strings.
But he didn’t. Because it made him think of his wife who was no longer there with him. With them. A lump formed in his throat. He tried not to feel the pain as he watched Ross with Della. Quietly, he took a step back and then another, meaning to leave them.
Then Della started to hum. “Morning stars are growing light, let’s say farewell unto the night,” she leaned down and ruffled Ross’s hair who stared at her in amazement. “And sing in joy for all is well.”
“My mother used to sing that for me,” Ross murmured. “How did you know?”
Della hummed a few more notes as Zack wondered the same question. She took her time answering before she said, “I didn’t. My cook used to sing it for me when I was scared. Now, whenever I am happy or want to be happy, I think of that lullaby.”
Ross handed her something that sparkled in the light. “Are you happy now?”
“I am,” she assured him.
“Me too,” the boy said before she could ask him.
He could hardly breathe as he heard the exchange. It took him several minutes before he mustered up the strength to turn away. Zack returned to the kitchen and quietly ate the food. Only when Ross came running in to find a glass of water did they realize he was there. He gathered the energy to help clean up the house, and then sent Ross to bed.
Zack was looking through his closet when he heard the nearby door open and close. He couldn’t hear the footsteps, so he knew it was Della. Ross must have fallen asleep, and she would be preparing to leave. He tried not to think about her as he searched. But he couldn’t find his violin and eventually walked out to find Della looking out a window.
“Is Leah coming?” He mustered the courage to talk to her.
The young woman jumped lightly, putting a hand over her heart as she turned back to him. “Oh, Zack. It’s you. I… I would assume so. Robert had to drive into town this morning, I believe, so they might have fallen behind. But they’ll be here soon.” She tried to smile. “You look better rested.”
He managed a smile as he joined her at the window. But he didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t sure he felt well rested. Though his panic over his son had faded, there was still a sense of unease. Zack glanced back around the room as his eyes fell on the tree. It was completely decorated now, just as it should be.
“Thank you.”
Della turned to him with her brow furrowed. “For what?”
It took all of his courage to speak. “For taking care of Ross. You have done a lot this week.
