Caitlyn and Drew were playing when I went into the living room. “Hey, buddy, it was so great to spend time with you.” I crouched down in front of him. “Mind if I get a hug?”
“Yeah!” Drew happily hugged me.
My heart felt like it was breaking in two as I carefully hugged him back. It was the first time I’d hugged my son. It was also going to be the last time. I had to work hard to restrain myself and hold back, instead of holding him as tightly as I possibly could. He didn’t know that I was his father. He didn’t know why I would feel such a strong and instant attachment to him.
I pulled away, forced a smile on my face, and then stood up. “Please look after them,” I told Caitlyn quietly.
Caitlyn nodded. She looked a bit wary and confused, but not distrusting of me as she had initially.
Taking a deep breath, I walked out the front door, and out of Laura and Drew’s lives.
30
Laura
The thing about crying yourself to sleep that people don’t talk about: it always gives you a cry hangover the next morning.
I woke up with a dull pounding behind my eyes, the vague feeling that someone had stuffed my head with cotton, and feeling miserable overall. I’d managed to pull myself together last night to get Drew to bed. Then Caitlyn had told me to rest as well while she cleaned up.
Normally, I would have insisted that I was fine, but I just hadn’t had it in me last night to pretend. I’d cried myself to sleep, full of despair, heartache, and frustration.
How could Cade have abandoned us? There was no way he had to leave us. We could weather this together, somehow, I just knew it. What I didn’t know was how to convince him of that. He was sure that the spotlight of a political life wasn’t going to be good for me, which meant that he probably intended to follow in his father’s footsteps even though it wasn’t what he wanted for himself—even after everything that had happened.
Damn him. Damn him for leaving and damn him for saying that he loved me, that his abandonment the first time was to protect me from his parents. Damn him for saying that he loved me now. Damn him for saying that he wouldn’t abandon me again—only to turn around and do the exact thing when things got tough.
I pulled myself out of bed and dragged myself into the shower. I hadn’t felt this crappy in ages. I felt like an idiot. It was cold comfort to know that at least Cade’s intentions were pure. But those good intentions didn’t change how much this hurt my heart.
Taking a shower didn’t help improve my mood either. Sure, I felt cleaner and didn’t look like I’d just climbed out of a sewer pipe, but it didn’t help ease my heartbreak. Cade was gone—walked out of our lives like there was no way to fix this mess. I cried again, under the cover of the running water, but made sure to wash my face and put on makeup so that Drew wouldn’t see any trace of my breakdown.
Drew. Thank God we hadn’t told him that Cade was his father. Hopefully, the reporters would go away, and then Drew would never have to know. Cade could just be that fun friend of Mama’s who’d helped make his ninth birthday special.
At least Drew got to have the best day of his life. But his best day had become my worst.
When I entered his room, Drew was already awake. He grinned at me. “You’re awake! Caitlyn said to let you sleep.”
“Caitlyn’s a very good friend and a very smart person,” I told him. I walked into the kitchen to make some coffee. My hand felt like it weighed a hundred pounds as I lifted it up and pressed the button to start the coffee brewing.
“Mama, come look at my zoo!”
I turned to look at all the new toys that Cade had gotten him, and my throat tightened. I had to swallow a few times. “It’s lovely.”
Drew gave me an odd look, like he could tell that I was behaving funny but couldn’t fully understand why.
“Why don’t we go and play out back for a bit?” Caitlyn suggested. “Go put on your shoes! We can release some of your animals into the wild.”
Drew whooped and ran to put his shoes on. Caitlyn walked over to me and put her hand on my shoulder. “Hey, at least he’s gone quickly, y’know? Nothing worse than when a guy lingers like a bad cold.”
I tried to smile at her joke but couldn’t quite manage it. Caitlyn nodded as if to indicate that my reaction was exactly what she’d expected.
“The reporters are still there, although there’s fewer today. Most of them left last night, although I think a few stayed in their vans and just camped out here. Then some of them returned this morning around six. They’re watching us like the birds in that Hitchcock movie. But they can’t get around to the back unless they want to go through several neighbors’ yards, so we’re fine.”
She paused to look at me, “Cade told them last night as he walked out that there was nothing to see here. Hopefully now that he’s gone, they’ll believe him. We just have to be patient.”
I nodded. There was so much to think about—Drew got out of school this week, thank God, otherwise I’d be panicked for Monday morning and how to get him to school and keep an eye on him, keep him away from reporters. But we couldn’t stay cooped up in the house forever.
Caitlyn patted my shoulder and then left to get Drew from outside. My coffee finished brewing, so I poured myself a cup and sipped
