Red clenched his jaw. He had to stop. Stop wondering. Stop tormenting himself. Marco was young. He wouldn’t have suffered from the loss in the same way Red had suffered… Or had he?
Maybe he needed to talk to somebody about this. He had believed that he had worked through his grief, but putting himself right into another child’s space and doing the seemingly innocuous task of putting away some of Andy’s clothes and picking up his plush toy had rocketed some feelings that he had obviously buried right back to the surface…
What he didn’t need to do was get himself tied up in a relationship when a child was in the picture. And although there was no relationship between him and Ronnie, why tempt fate and let himself get drawn into her life? She had moved to Parry Sound permanently, and his permanent home base was Toronto. He’d be back more often now that he had bought the Victorian mansion and was making plans to renovate it, but with his business dealings and travel around the world, he couldn’t see himself even considering a long-distance relationship with anyone.
But even more than these kinds of logistics, Red had to seriously consider whether he could risk encouraging a relationship with Ronnie and consequently getting close to her little boy…a boy who could end up with a relapse. Could he face that kind of responsibility? The uncertainty? Could he allow himself to open his heart to the kid—as he had done with Marco—and then risk having it broken again if Andy—
No! He wasn’t even going to go there…
At home, Red got a fire going, poured himself a brandy and sat by the fire and stared into the flames. He could repress some of his fears, but he honestly had to search his soul to see if he could cope with such a dire situation… Or would he end up quitting on her, like her ex-husband had done?
No again! He was not that kind of a guy…
But one part of him was pulling him one way, and the other was pulling him in the other direction. Red swallowed the last of his brandy. He was in a tug of war. With himself.
He’d eventually have to let go…
Letting out a soft growl, he strode to his desk and opened his laptop. He needed the distraction of work to blot out the duel playing out in his brain.
CHAPTER TEN
RONNIE CONTROLLED THE impulse to go to the window. She heard Red’s truck starting up and driving off, and when she was sure he was out of sight, she went and looked out. It was still snowing and the image of Red at her door earlier, shaking the snowflakes off his head and shoulders, made her heart skip a beat. Again. His physical presence moments later in the cottage had made the space suddenly seem smaller.
She had been very conscious of his proximity as she opened up the boxes and handed him the books. A couple of times, her fingers had brushed against his, and she had deliberately avoided glancing at him. But she hadn’t been able to avoid meeting his gaze when her chair had caught the edge around the tiled fireplace base and he had leaped to prevent her from falling.
It had happened so quickly. Her brain had hardly registered that the chair was tilting when his arms reached out and braced themselves around her waist. The few seconds that it had taken for him to do that and then set her down had, at the time, seemed to play out in slow motion…
Her initial gasp as his strong arms closed around her had given way to a heavy heart thumping at the impact of her body being pressed against his. Her eyes had melted into the mesmerizing landscape of his eyes. And the slow, very slow, descent of her body sliding down his had sent a surge pulsating throughout all her nerve endings.
And was sending a shiver through her now…
Her reaction to his proximity was one-sided, no doubt.
Ronnie searched her memory to find out if Casson had mentioned Red having a current girlfriend or having been married. Of course he hadn’t. Casson hadn’t shared much about Red, other than the fact that he was a friend from university, and that it was his firm that would be designing Franklin’s Resort.
She pictured the woman who would most likely be Red’s type: tall like him, probably, wearing exclusive fashions and mingling in upscale social circles. She could see the woman linking her arm with his as they strode into an invitation-only event at Roy Thomson Hall or some private party after a movie premiere at the Toronto International Film Festival, rocking her European designer gown and killer heels.
Would. You. Stop!
Why on earth was she even spending any energy on such thoughts? What difference did it make to her whom he was seeing?
Ronnie sauntered to the kitchen and scanned the contents of the fridge. She wasn’t really in the mood to cook anything. She fixed herself a peanut butter and jam sandwich and ate it at the kitchen table while looking through some files on her laptop related to her new position as Provincial Marketing Manager for the Forrest Hardware chain. She was looking forward to working from home, with occasional trips to the stores across the province. Some of her out-of-town meetings could be accomplished in a day trip while others might take a couple of days or more. She was happy that with both scenarios, she could leave Andy in Casson’s and Justine’s capable hands.
Ronnie looked forward to using her university training and
