He knew what he had to do.
“Got a telegram from Lou,” James announced, coming into the kitchen where Mary had laid out four pies, a cake and a platter of snickerdoodles.
Despite the delicious scents permeating her kitchen, Mary’s stomach roiled. Six weeks later and the mention of Lou’s name still unsettled her so badly she couldn’t eat. She covered her apple pie with a cloth, noticing how her fingers trembled.
“He’s left the Orient. Done with special agent stuff,” James added when Mary didn’t respond.
She didn’t know what to say. She could feel James’s gaze on her and ignored him in favor of covering the rest of her dishes. They’d have to hold them tight to keep them from being smashed in the wagon.
“You riding with me to the church picnic?” he asked.
She nodded and handed him her snickerdoodles. “Hold that very carefully.”
He balanced the cookies in one hand. “Your ma is staying home, ya know.”
While Mary and Rose had gone far in mending their relationship, her mother still felt uncomfortable in church-like settings. Mary hoped someday she’d feel good about joining them, but for now it was a blessing she’d stayed.
“Josie might feel badly that Mother isn’t going,” she said, stacking a pie gently into a Pyrex storage container.
“Nah.” James snickered. “That girl is running all over the place, and Gracie thinks it’s fun joining her. I’ve got the feeling Josie’ll be riding with Trevor and Gracie to the picnic. You and me will ride in the wagon. We’ve got to get a move on to make it in time. Alma don’t like it when I’m late.” A funny smile crossed his face, and Mary paused with her fiddling.
Was he in love?
He caught her glance, but the mooning look didn’t leave his face. “Sometimes it takes an old man time to figure out the important things in life.” He winked at her and left, carrying the snickerdoodles with him.
She continued filling her pie holder, but her emotions threatened to overflow. She blinked hard and picked up the carrier. The wagon was parked just outside the front door. Carefully she maneuvered through the kitchen door, traipsed down the hall and let herself out into the warm August weather.
The sun chose to shine today. It was neither hot nor chilly. Perfect for a picnic. She heard Josie’s squeals and watched her balance atop a horse, Trevor and Gracie on either side of the saddle.
Smiling, Mary loaded the food onto the wagon and then climbed in. James had thoughtfully left a hat for her on the seat. He must have snagged it from her living room. She arranged it on her head, trying to feel happy about the picnic.
After all, God had heard her prayers. He’d given her a family. Brought her mother back to her, given her a daughter to love. Even James felt like a father to her. With Trevor and Gracie staying at the ranch, she should have felt content with their big family dinners and the long walks they took together.
She didn’t, though. There was always this nagging awareness of something missing. When she went to town, her eyes caught on every blond man she saw. She paused at the sound of a man’s low tones. Everywhere she went, she thought she saw Lou. She hoped to feel his hand on her shoulder, to see the sparkle in his eyes or the way his lips turned at the corners when he smiled. His ready laugh followed her.
James heaved himself into the wagon beside her. The horses pranced, ready for their jaunt. Their manes wavered in front of Mary, blurring as an unwelcome stinging filled her eyes. She blinked again, harder this time.
“You okay, Mary girl?” James patted her shoulder, his palms an awkward pressure on her blouse.
“I’ll be fine.” She tried to quiet her sniffle, but it came out loud and unattractive.
“Anything you want to talk about?” His voice was gruff but kind.
He hated emotional outbursts. She knew that, but wanted nothing more than to cry and ask him why a man kissed a woman, listened to her pain, gave her advice and then left her for a job across the ocean. Why couldn’t a man say goodbye to a family he no longer had, to welcome a new family? He didn’t even have to say goodbye, she wouldn’t expect that. She just wanted him to be willing to be open to a new season in his life. To change.
But evidently that was too much for Lou. Frowning, she picked at a piece of linen sticking out from one of her pies. “Let’s just go, James. There’s nothing to change what is.”
“Now, now, you never know what’s around the corner. Miss Alma surely took me by surprise.” He let out a crackly laugh that tilted Mary’s lips a bit.
“I’m sure you must have seen her coming,” she pointed out. “Miss Alma is not a subtle person.”
“What I didn’t see coming were my own feelings. When I fixed that pipe at her house while you were making mischief in Portland, why, I stood up, caught a sniff of something baking in the oven and that fancy perfume she wears, and I just felt like I’d gone home. Like there was something missing out of my life and she held that missing piece, right there in her bathroom.”
Mary bit her bottom lip, torn between happiness for James and sadness for herself. “So that’s how she snagged you, food and perfume?”
“Nope. It was that home feeling.” He cracked the reins and the horses set off. Mary gripped her pies. “Not that you haven’t provided a home, my girl, but I always knew I was an employee.”
“Oh, no.” She turned to him. “You’ve been...like a father to me. In so many ways.”
His cheeks flushed. “Well, I’m right glad to hear that.” He cleared
