“No, not break up. Just not go out on dates, or shopping, and things like that.” He takes my hand and gives it a little squeeze.
“I don’t know, he has a few things planned for London, but maybe you’re right. I’ll talk to him and see what he thinks.” I sigh and close my eyes. “Chris I’m scared.”
“There is nothing to be scared of, we will take care of this then head back out on tour.”
“That’s not why I’m scared. I’m scared that I’m falling in love with Justin and that I’m not the type of girl who can handle being with someone like him.” As I start to fall apart he pulls me up and into a big hug.
“You are a strong, beautiful woman. You can do anything you set your mind too. He is lucky to have you.”
“I need to go pick out a few outfits for tomorrow.” I say breaking the hug and walking to the door. “Love you”
“Love you too sis.” He says just staring at me.
As I lay in bed trying to go to sleep, I keep wondering how I went from background girl to this. The only answer I can come up with is it is because of Justin. I have fallen in love with a huge rock star and now I can’t handle being in the lime light. Maybe I should ask Chris if he would let me go home and stay by myself for a while, or maybe go stay with Rachael and Mike. I’m sure they would let me, but John is still there and that could cause problems.
“Hey, it’s late. Why are you still up?” Justin turns over and brushes the hair out of my face.
“Can’t sleep.”
“Sweetie you are going to need some rest, we have a long day ahead of us.”
“That’s why I can’t sleep, Justin I don’t know if I can handle all this. I mean I’m going to do the interviews and everything but maybe I shouldn’t stay on tour with you guys.” He bolts straight up when I said this, grabbing my arms and holding me at arms length to stare at me. The moon light is the only light in the room but we can still see each other.
“Where the hell is this coming from?” He growls at me. “What? You want to jump ship and run because of one bad article? You can’t do that!”
“You don’t understand! I’m not that type of girl! I don’t like being in the newspapers, I don’t like doing interviews on TV, and I hate when people write shit about me!” I’m screaming at him.
“I do understand, but honey all that comes with this life style. There is nothing we can do about it.” He tries to hug me but I break away from him and get out of bed.
“Maybe I don’t want this life style! Maybe I just want to go home and forget that all this shit happened!”
“You want to forget about us?” He sounds like I just punched him in the stomach.
“No…yes…hell I don’t know. All I really know right now is that the whole world thinks that the only reason I’m with you is because of your money. So maybe Chris is right, maybe we need to cool things down for a while.”
“Are you breaking up with me?” He is getting mad.
“I don’t want too, but if you can’t understand that this life is something that I never wanted…” I take a breath and walk to the door “…then maybe we should end this before one of us gets hurt.” I walk out the door as the tears start falling.
AFTER A THREE hour fight with Chris, he finally agreed to let me go home. I promised I would call him at least twice a day, and he hired a car service so that I could go out if I wanted too. I said goodbye to Dave and Scot but I couldn’t talk to Justin. He is the only one who would be able to talk me out of going home.
When I landed in Sacramento my driver was waiting for me, along with about thirty members of the press. I had to fight my way to baggage claim, luckily airport security helped me get to the car. I called Chris to let him know I landed and was on my way to the house. He said to call him tonight before I went to bed, and said everyone was already missing me.
Walking into the house was hard, everywhere I looked reminded me of my family. In a matter of months Chris and I found a place that we truly fit in, we found a true family. I finally found someone who wanted to be my friend without wanting something from Chris. Who stood up for me to his own family, who wanted to hang out with me. Who wanted to be with me, who I fell in love with.
I crawl in my bed without taking off my clothes, I just lay there and cry my eyes out. I feel like I can’t breath, it hurts so bad. I wish I had never met Justin Crow, I wish I could have just stayed in the background and none of this would have ever happened! But I know none of that is true, my time with Justin was some of the happiest times of my life. And without him Chris would have never found a permanent place in a band. He always dreamed of belonging to just one band, now his dream has come true. The only problem is I can’t be there for him anymore.
My phone ringing wakes me up, I look at the clock its 3:45am.
“Hello?” I grunt.
“Why didn’t you call me!?” Chris yells.
“I fell asleep, I’m sorry.” I go to stand up but I’m twisted up in the sheets.
“I need to warn you but I had to wait until the others went
