“How would you like to rent a cabin for a few days? Maybe find one that is not too far from our next stop?” His hands are roaming all over my back and he expects me to think clearly right now?
“A cabin could be fun, who can you call to find one?” I wiggle a little trying to hint to him to stop, it worked for all of two seconds.
He picks up his phone and calls the tour manager, who then books us a two bedroom cabin that is only an hour away from the next show. After that he called his mom to let her know, she asked if she could talk to me.
“Hi” I say softly. Rachael and I have texted a few times since I left the tour but she didn’t know I was flying out here.
“Hi sweetheart, how are you?” She sounds so cheerful.
“I’m good, how have you been?” I’m hoping a little small talk is all I’ll have to do. I’m not sure what to say to the mother of the man that I love, and the man that I left.
“I’ve been good. I was surprised though when Justin called and told me about you returning to the tour…..” Is she asking a question or hunting for answers?
“Yeah, I told Chris not to tell anyone. I wanted to surprised everyone, I missed my family. But I’m not sure about returning to the tour, right now I’m just visiting.” Why is she making me so nervous?
“I see, I guess he is just saying what he wants to happen instead of what is happening.” She grunts like she is upset. I stand up and walk to the front of the bus leaving him in the bedroom.
“Rachael, I’m sorry. Look I’m not sure how long I’m staying, I want to stay and end the tour with them but I don’t know if I can. I just missed them so much, I had to see them.” I flop down on the couch and lean my head back.
“Oh, don’t be sorry, I know you missed them, and I’m glad you’re visiting them. And if you do come home early maybe I’ll fly down to see you, maybe go shopping again.” She laughs, then I found myself laughing with her.
“I would like that.” I said after we both calm down.
“I would too, but you are coming to our house for Christmas and I will not take no for an answer.” What? Christmas at Justin’s?
“Well I would have to talk to Chris about that first.” My voice cracks.
“Don’t worry about that, the whole band always comes to our house for Christmas. But right now just have fun on tour, and call me if you come home early.” We say goodbye and I just sit there.
Thanksgiving is only two weeks after the tour ends, so that means Christmas is only four or five weeks after that. Thanksgiving has never been a big deal with me and Chris. I would cook a nice dinner then he would watch football while I either read or cross stitched. But Christmas is something else for us. We still give each other gifts but we don’t decorate, we don’t go to parties, we just hide from the world. Christmas was our family’s favorite holiday. I can remember mom and dad stringing lights on the tree, the house, the bushes, and even the mail box! Dad would put me on his shoulders and let me put the star on top of the tree. We had a normal life, a normal family, where we did normal holiday stuff.
I’m still sitting on the couch thinking about all this when Justin comes looking for me. I have my eyes closed but a few tears are rolling down my cheek. I feel him sit down beside me and pull me into his lap.
“Hey, what happened?” He asked while rocking me slowly.
“Nothing, I’m sorry I was just thinking about some stuff.” I wipe my face with the back of my hand.
“Did my mom say something?” He is worried. I cup his cheek in my hand then run my fingers through his hair.
“Not really. She said if I came home early that she would fly down and we could go shopping.” I rest my head on his shoulder.
“And you don’t want her too?” His confusion makes me laugh.
“I would love for her to come down and see me. But she also talked about how the band always goes to your house for Christmas……”
“We’ve been doing that since the band started. It’s easier for everyone. We have enough rooms for everyone and I have my own little ‘guest house’ in the back.” He smoothes my hair with his hands.
“Chris and I don’t do a lot for the holidays, it’s not an easy time for us.”
“I can understand that, but this year will be different. You have a family now honey, and I promise this will be the best Christmas ever.” He hugs me tighter. I don’t think I want to deal with this anymore.
After all the holiday talk Justin told me that the cabin is booked and waiting on us. The bus will be pulling out in about a half hour, the other buses left this morning. He is having some food delivered to the cabin so we can cook and not have to eat out all the time. It will take us about eight hours to get there, so we should arrive right about midnight. We are staying until the day of the show and then meeting the boys at the arena before sound check.
I OPEN MY eyes and I feel the sun coming through the window. I sit up and wince, I’m sore all over. Then the memories from last night come flowing back. All Justin said, all that Justin did,
