From: Sandy Coffey
Sent: Monday, 20 July 2009 7:05 AM
If you could have it different, what would you love to be very good at?
From: Craig Schonegevel
Sent: Tuesday, 21 July 2009 10:03 AM
I would love to be very, very wise with an even bigger heart. Have the ability to use the wisdom and the compassion from the heart connection to do and create beautiful things. When I refer to creating it does not necessarily mean tangible things.
Also I would have loved to have somebody special who would “get me” as a person, with a complete spirit. And to use my wisdom to form an unshakable bond with them. Ironically, on a friendship level, two people have come into my life at the later stages of it, one male, one female (you and George), who are older than me but have become what I consider very special friends.
I would also like to be a very good friend to lots of people who are breaking inside, especially kids.
From: Sandy Coffey
Sent: Friday, 17 July 2009 9:51 AM
After being so teased and rejected as a child, how do you find it in your heart to forgive so easily?
From: Craig Schonegevel
Sent: Saturday, 18 July 2009 10:35 AM
A person can forgive, but you never really forget. My heart, like my body, has been scarred deeply by those people but it’s kind of like waking up from a bad dream. Sometimes you remember the dream years later but you know it did not happen. I know it happened but my heart was so broken it was not capable of anger; it’s weird, I would not say that I am particularly a good example of a person who is skilled at forgiveness. I get angry with certain people and what they have said or done. It’s weird to forgive but certain things make me angry for short periods of time when I think about them. I try not to dwell.
From: Craig Schonegevel
Sent: Wednesday, 15 July 2009 4:35 PM
To answer your earlier question about my relationship with my dad. Well, it is like the type of relationship/marriage that lasts for 60 years. The couple accepts each other with total love for each other. Loving each other intensely and are blindly loyal to each other and are totally committed to each other.
Reality also exists and it is not a fairy tale. We also naturally disagree on certain points and turbulent times do exist in the relationship; the love is strong enough to survive the biggest of storms though.
From: Sandy Coffey
Sent: Tuesday, 21 July 2009 5:10 PM
Most people spend their lives working on quality-of-life stuff, like eating right, exercising, buying things for later, an investment in the future.
You are spending your time closing down. Can you tell me some of the things you are doing to prepare for Switzerland?
From: Craig Schonegevel
Sent: Wednesday, 22 July 2009 12:16 PM
I have sold a few large items for cash to buy top-of-the range running shoes for when I walk my dog in the morning. I have given away lots of clothes to underprivileged people, good clothes that I bought for “going out” and never really got the chance to wear since my life went pear-shaped and I have never really gone out after or since.
I have made a Will and left special things from my life for some people. I wrote my parents a 30-page letter. I now sleep on my parents’ floor for the comfort of being close to my mom.
My dad is snoring very loudly at present and keeping my mom awake so she cannot sleep and has asked him to sleep in my bed. So, luck for me to get to sleep in the same bed as my mom.
I have never lain as still in my life, being close to my mom gives me such peace. I must admit that I agree with her on the snoring thing (sorry, Dad). I am living on liquids and abusing laxatives to spare myself the trauma of another obstruction in my colon.
I am trying to ignore the pain from the tumour on my arm, I find new ones (tumours) weekly and try to ignore the fact that more are appearing and some are growing in size.
I have made my best two friends of my life (they don’t even know that). One I see weekly and talk to him, the other is writing my story. I have removed some pictures from my wall of past hobbies that have been taken away from me with violence. I am walking my dog for about 15km every single morning.
I walk very, very briskly, jogging a little. While doing so I look at the sea at times. I get rid of some frustration this way. I check my emails constantly on certain days to see if there is any news from Dignitas. I have one cocktail a night to help me relax. It’s also a liquid, so liquid diets do lead to some good things (I did not have a sip of alcohol until 24, when I discovered a passion for red wines).
After my first colon op I did not drink until now. My mom makes a great Cosmopolitan!
Alternatively the Northside Crusta at Radisson Blu is also great. I don’t have any other cocktails that may contain pith or pips as that would lead to problems with my colon.
From: Sandy Coffey
Sent: Wednesday, 22 July 2009 6:38 AM
What I thought is that as a kind of diary, you could send me your thoughts for the day… can be as long or as short as you wish.
“Today’s thought is” sort of thing.
Craig
