“Aurora,” I tell him.
“Hop in, I’ll be passing by there. Not much further now,” he says with a smile. Cas just nods as I open the door. It’s her turn to sit beside the driver.
Lucky for her, he turned out to be pretty sweet. He chatted a lot, we mostly listened. I think he just wanted someone to talk too. When he pulled into the truckers rest stop along the highway, just outside of Aurora, he turned and smiled at me.
“So here we are. Are you little ladies hungry? I don’t mind buying you some fries and a burger,” he offered. Cas sits up straight then.
“Food, can we Scar, please?” she begs.
“Well if you really don’t mind, maybe a little food might be nice,” I smiled sweetly as my stomach growled.
The bright lights of the diner made my headache. I’m grateful for the water as I chug it back. Cas and I practically inhale our fries and burgers.
“Oh thank you, we haven’t had greasy food in ages,” I said.
“No worries. Thanks for keeping me company. It can get pretty lonely when you have to drive across the country,” he said as he drinks his coffee.
Cas heads to the bathroom as the trucker pays. I stand beside him, catching the waitress's eye. She’s not sure what to make of us but I don’t think she really cares.
“Well, thank you so much,” I said as I offered him my last joint.
“No thanks darlin'. You just take care of yourself and your friend. I always say life is an open road, don’t fight where it wants to take you,” he winks as he walks out. I stand there, out front the diner, waiting for Cas as he drives away.
We walk with linked arms downtown Aurora, not sure where we should go, but crazy exhausted. I just need to crash somewhere. I light a cigarette as we sit down on the curb near the arcade. It’s closed and there isn’t anyone around.
“I know a shed,” I laugh as we walk towards the park. It’s still unlocked, I smile with relief as we walk in, shutting the door behind us. We curl up together on the bench and fall asleep.
In the morning, we wake after dawn and walk downtown. As we approach the cafe I see Sam and Flynn. I really don’t want to talk to them but Cas runs towards them, draping her arms around Sam.
“I am so happy to see you two,” she cries, clinging to them. I catch Flynn's eye and shrug.
“It’s been a long day,” I said, before realizing that it’s only nine in the morning.
“Come on, you can wash up and have a nap at my place,” Sam offers as he places his arm around Cas. “You too Scar,” he said with a wink. I wish I could have warned Cas to stop but the idea of having somewhere to sleep overtook me. I was physically and emotionally exhausted.
During the next couple of weeks we quickly fell into our old ways. Cas got back together with an old boyfriend and I lived with them for a while, until I met up with Ryan again. He seemed a little edgier than before, but he still wanted me back. I liked his laced up docs and ripped jeans with British flag patches.
“I’ve missed you Scarlett,” he tells me as he lays out a line of cocaine for me. I’m nervous about this, I know that doing this will not get me any closer to cleaning up my life. I tried to go home again but my mother warned me that it probably wasn't a good idea. My father had been hitting the bottle more than usual and she told me that it would be safer for me to stay away. I looked down at the white powder laid out in front of me and cried. Tears of hopelessness and loss burst out of me. I felt Ryan rubbing my shoulder.
“It will make the pain go away Scarlett,” he said. I knew I shouldn't do it but the promise of not feeling my pain for a while was too tempting. Buddy seemed so far away from me now. I just couldn't make a decision for myself anymore. I should never have stepped off the bus in Toronto. I should have carried on to Buffalo. In an abrupt movement, surprising Ryan, I snorted the line, holding back my tears. I looked up into Ryan’s eyes, wishing I could feel something for him since he’s all I have but I don’t. The trucker's motto runs through my head. I can't help but wonder if the road I'm on will one day lead me back to Will. I laugh knowing I'm on a dead end.
“Scarlett, I’m so happy you're back,” Ryan tells me as he kisses me, mistaking my laughter for happiness. I close my eyes and I want to scream as Buddy's eyes close in front of me.
Over the next few nights Ryan has come home with fresh bruises and bloody knuckles. He can’t seem to keep his mouth shut sometimes. The first time I saw him fight I had to run out of the room. I sat in the bedroom with the door closed as I heard glass break and someone fall down the stairs. I could hear Ryan shouting. “Get the fuck out of here!” I waited in the bedroom for what felt like hours, shaking. I prayed I would never be on the receiving end of one of his tirades.
I moved in with Ryan in May. I gathered what few belongings I had from Cas but I never unpacked them, even though Ryan gave me a drawer. He lived with three other guys now in a fairly large house. Cocaine was their drug of choice.
