“Will you marry me, Ona?” Albert asked after a few seconds had elapsed.
I was sort of expecting him to ask me, but I was still stunned by his directness.
“You don’t have to answer now,” he declared before I had time to speak. “Think about it and let me know tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” I said, a little discomfort seeping through my tone.
“Take some time to think about it and let me know. When I see you’re ready, I’ll make a formal proposal, until then just know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
I loved Albert, but I didn’t think I could say anything to him until I had sorted out my feelings for Okem.
* * *
After Albert left, I stood still pondering everything that had just happened. A few minutes later, Ifedi rushed into the study with a sheepish grin on her face.
“Do you love him then? Will you marry him?” she asked.
I stared at her and refused to respond.
A moment passed before she asked another question.
“What about Okem?”
“Okem? What about him?” I eyed her furtively.
“Do you love him? Will you marry him if he asks?”
“Hmm... marriage? I haven’t thought about that. I don’t know how people will feel about me marrying someone of a lower status than me. They will think I have no taste. They will castigate me and wonder why I gave up comfort for... did you hear that?”
I shot up as I heard a rustle behind the door.
“Go on,” Ifedi urged me.
“What was that? I could have sworn something moved behind that door.”
“It could be the servant setting dinner. Don’t worry about it. What were you saying? Do you prefer Albert, then?”
“No. Despite that little hitch and the fact that I have to convince my grandmother to let me marry Okem, I don’t think there’s any other person on this earth for me besides him.”
“Really?” She asked wide-eyed.
I nodded, my gaze absently wandering all over her face.
“How can you say that? Albert is more than suitable. What is wrong with you Ona? Why can’t you make a simple rational decision? You’re not a child anymore.”
As she spoke, my mind floated between Okem and Albert before an uneasy feeling overcame me, and I sighed to release the pent up emotion.
“What?” she continued, shaking her head fiercely. “What do you have to say about what I just told you?”
“I agree. Albert is wonderful, but I’ve just realized Okem is my soul mate!”
My eyes welled up with tears the moment I said those words.
“Really?” Ifedi shrieked, looking around as though seeking confirmation for what she had just heard.
“Yes! He’s the one I want to come home to every night. I want to tell him all my secrets, and I want to bear all his children...a dozen, if God will allow me.” I stopped and put my hands on my chest to control the heaving as I came to that final realization. “Okem is the one I love. It’s always been Okem. He doesn’t have to leave after all. And if he insists, I’ll just go with him. I’ll head down to his room right now and tell him how I feel.”
Ifedi’s jaw dropped as I pranced out of the room following my announcement.
I ran past the living room and through the entire hallway to Okem’s bedroom at the north end of the house overlooking the yard where the gardener reared his goats. As I approached, I called his name, “Okem... Okem,” as I usually did. Most times, he would abandon what he was doing and run down the hall when he heard me approaching, but all I heard this time were echoes of my voice, and then silence. When I got closer, the door to his room was slightly open. I looked inside and his bed was bare. I looked around the room; it was stripped of any sign of life. When I looked behind me, Ifedi seemed just as stunned as I was as she stared at the empty room.
“What happened?” I asked Ifedi, as though she must know.
She shook her head twice. “He must have heard you.”
“What?”
“I don’t know,” she said demurely, throwing her hands up in the air. “He was... He must have been listening at the door.”
“And so what? I said he was my world.”
I was trembling and gasping for air. Tears stung my eyes and rolled down my cheeks while I stumbled towards his bed and plopped down. “I said he was my soul mate,” I repeated, grabbing my stomach.
“I don’t think he heard that part. If you recall, we heard the rustle behind the door after you said he belonged to a different class. He must have left then.”
“What?” I screeched.
I felt as though someone had taken a dagger and pushed it into my heart. The pain was deeper than anything I had ever felt in my lifetime. It was deeper than the pain I felt when my parents forced me to move in with my grandparents. It was even deeper than the pain of when my grandfather left our world. Everything seemed to be at a standstill. No movement from the leaves on the mango trees outside, even with the heavy wind. No movement from Ifedi, who always knew how to calm me down. No movement from the birds who had been fluttering outside the window just a moment ago and no flutter at the gate to indicate Okem’s return. It was as though the entire world had frozen because my own heart had grown cold.
* * *
“Papa,” I said aloud, collapsing on the sofa in tears as I recalled what my grandfather had said the last time I was
