My distress drove me to Luenah. I found myself walking down the narrow path with one foot in front of the other. Out on the seashore, the atmosphere was dreary, and the skies were dark. So dark, not a single star danced in it. I could hardly remember a time I’d viewed Luenah in such a state. I had been under the impression that nighttime didn’t exist there. I sat down to rest, as my mind processed a series of thoughts. The sand was cold against my skin. I closed my eyes and let the wind blow over my face, carrying with it scents of seaweed and brine. There was no sound, but I knew he had come when he tapped my shoulder and sat next to me.
“Yes?” my grandfather responded.
“Papa, did I do the right thing?” I sobbed.
“What does your heart tell you?”
I cried some more. “I don’t know.”
“I’m sure you know enough now about finding your purpose to recognize that the person you plan to spend your life with plays a big role in achieving it.”
I looked at him with wet eyes.
“Who is the right person?”
“That’s your choice to make.”
“What do I do now?”
The exchange is yours. If you choose the wrong person, you may wander around this earth searching non-stop for your purpose. Should you find it, the wrong person will thwart its fulfillment. Your exchange is your opportunity cost. It is what you give up for choosing one option over the other. But beyond that, it is what you’re unwilling to bear at the point of making a choice, which is what makes it so difficult to fathom.”
I wiped my face to dry the tears coursing down my cheeks as I tried to make sense of his words. “I wonder why being an Eri, I’m still susceptible to this much pain.”
“The gift is not self-serving. Rather, it’s meant for the service of others.”
“I understand... What’s happening here?” I said, pointing to the sky. “It’s never been this dark in Luenah.”
“There are so many things you’re yet to—”
He barely mouthed the next word before he vanished. I came out of Luenah as quickly as I had entered. Ifedi had been watching me the entire time I was there. I didn’t think I stayed too long, which was a good thing; otherwise, she would have panicked and called my grandmother. Her reaction told me she had gotten used to my fainting episodes, her label for my trips to Luenah.
“How long was I out?”
“Two seconds. You sound as though this nonsense is normal. We need to check you into a hospital the next time it happens.”
I ignored her as I recalled what drove me to Luenah in the first place. Okem had overheard me. Had I mastered the lesson about the exchange earlier, I would not have said those mean words that sent him away. I wouldn’t have even bothered about his status and class. I had failed to make the exchange that was required of me. The one I knew was right for me. I gave up love for what I thought would bring me happiness—the security a life with Albert would provide. This was exactly what my grandfather had warned me against.
“Is Okem really gone,” I asked Ifedi.
“We could still bring him back,” she said rather unconvincingly.
“How could he leave without telling me?”
She shrugged.
“I don’t know.”
“Why does love hurt so much?” I moaned, shaking my head from side to side.
* * *
As I began to get accustomed to the possibility that I may never see Okem again, we heard the rattling sound of the wrought iron gate. I looked at Ifedi expectantly, with the last shred of hope that Okem may have returned. We ran out of the room and got on the porch as the gardener was starting downhill, picking up speed as he rode towards the main house. I burst into tears again and immediately stepped down to meet him.
“Where’s Okem?” I asked.
“I dropped him at the bus stop,” he said after a slight hesitation.
“Do you know where he was going? Did he say?”
The gardener shook his head slowly.
“Ona, come,” Ifedi said, grabbing me by my hand.
“Come where? Leave me alone,” I screamed at Ifedi, causing her to jump.
“Come.”
I swallowed hard as my heart skipped a beat, and I gasped for air, collapsing into Ifedi’s arms.
“He’ll come back,” Ifedi said. “He’ll be back before dawn. He loves you too much. He always comes back.”
Chapter Nine
OKEM DIDN’T COME back by dawn as Ifedi had predicted. Albert returned the following day to enquire about his proposal. I was hiding in my room, drowning in my misery, when Ifedi rushed in to offer some help.
“You can’t meet him looking like that,” she griped, pointing at my matted hair, evidence of my self-neglect.
“Like how?” I had asked. “I can’t meet him at all. What will I say to him? What will he think of me? Besides, I don’t care to see anyone right now. Don’t make me do this, Ifedi. Please don’t.”
“Sit down,” she ordered, pointing at a chair, and ignoring my pleas.
I felt like a little girl all over again and did as she asked. I was too weak to fight Ifedi. In my state, she could have ordered me to the ends of the earth, and I would still have obeyed her. She entered the bathroom and returned with a cup of water. With one hand, she poured the water on the ends of my hair, and with the other, she separated the chunks of hair. To detangle, she combed through the tresses, starting from the tips and making her way down to the roots, yanking my skull back and forth in the process. I jerked as she pulled my hair a tad too heavily and tapped me hard on
