Oh, how Sam must resent her. She was his teacher and had betrayed his trust. And Jesse too. He was loyal to his wife. He didn’t want an opinionated schoolteacher like her to usurp his wife’s place. Jesse didn’t love her. His heart was too full of memories and devotion for his wife. He could never love Becca. Not in the same way. Not as a man should love the woman he was married to. And neither could Sam. Which meant they could never be together. Never be a true familye. It was foolish for her to think they could.
Realizing the awful truth, she stood outside the schoolhouse on the back porch and wiped the tears from her eyes. Jesse and Sam didn’t need her anymore. If what she’d overheard was any indication, the two of them were on the road to healing and forgiving, both themselves and each other. It was a private moment between father and son and she was so happy for them. It appeared that they’d finally reconciled their anger and guilt. But it wouldn’t make a difference for her.
She pushed several stray curls of hair back into her prayer kapp and smoothed her long skirts. This was the last day of school and she was still the teacher. She had a job to do and mustn’t let her students down. She would go back inside, complete her assignments and present the certificates of achievement. And tomorrow, it would all be finished.
She didn’t belong here anymore. Her teaching job was over with and it was time for her to return home to Ohio. And that was that.
Chapter Fourteen
Becca plucked a number of tacks out of the wall and set them aside before rolling up the various posters that had been hanging around the schoolroom. Wrapping a rubber band around each print to keep it from falling open, she stored them on a shelf in the back closet. She wanted to make sure Caroline Schwartz could find them in the fall when she came to set up the room for the new school year.
Becca picked up a bucket of sudsy water and carried it over to the windows. After wringing out a wash rag, she cleaned each windowsill and wiped down all the scholars’ desks. She’d already swept and mopped the wooden floors, swept the ashes from the potbellied stove and cleaned the chalkboard until it gleamed silky black.
Laying her notebooks and pens inside a cardboard box, she checked her desk drawers one last time. She almost laughed when she found the rubber snake again. Someone had put it back in her drawer. Picking it up with two fingers, she threw it away, not wanting to leave it there to scare Caroline half to death when she returned at the end of August. Becca wanted to ensure she had all her things packed and ready to go. She was leaving early tomorrow morning, traveling by bus to Ohio. Anything she left behind would be lost to her.
Including Jesse and Sam.
Giving the expansive room one last look, she turned and froze. Jesse stood in the open doorway, wearing his black frock coat and vest, a white chambray shirt and his best pair of broadfall pants. He held his black felt hat in his hands, his clean hair combed and tidy.
“Hello,” she said, startled by his presence. And all at once, a bubble of euphoria engulfed her, along with a feeling of bittersweet heartache. What was he doing here? She didn’t think she’d ever see him again.
“Hallo,” he returned, showing that slightly crooked smile of his. He moved further into the room, seeming tentative. As if he was a bit unsure of himself.
“You’re dressed so nice today. Are you going somewhere special?” she asked, taking one step toward him.
“Ja.” His answer sounded positive but not very committal.
She tilted her head in confusion. “Where are you going?”
His smile widened slightly, causing his dark eyes to sparkle. Oh, how she loved it when he smiled or laughed. It lit up her whole world.
“To see you,” he said.
“Ach, did you need some more books for Sam? I’m afraid you’ll have to go to the library and check them out yourself. You see, I’m leaving first thing in the morning and won’t be able to do it any longer. I’m afraid that I...”
“Don’t go.”
He spoke low. So softly that she almost didn’t catch his words. But she did hear. At least, she thought she did. Two little words that hung in the air between them, leaving her speechless.
“What...what did you say?” she finally asked, thinking her own wishes were causing her to hear things that weren’t real.
He came to stand just before her. She stared up at him without blinking, feeling transfixed by his gaze.
“I said, don’t go. Please stay,” he reiterated.
Okay, so she wasn’t hearing things. But what good would staying a few more days do them? It would only make the pain last longer.
She turned away, picking up a feather duster. To give herself something to do, she fluttered it across her already clean desktop. The movement gave her a badly needed distraction.
He gripped her upper arm gently, causing her to go very still. Slowly, he turned her to face him and she was forced to meet his eyes.
“I can’t stay any longer, Jesse. I’m going home. I’ve got to find work. There’s so much to be done. I’ve got to send out more applications and...” She rambled on, trying to convince herself that it was the right thing to do.
“I love you.”
No, no! It couldn’t be true. She couldn’t believe him.
“Don’t say things that aren’t true,” she snapped.
“But it is true. I mean it, Becca. I love you, so very much.”
He tried to take her hand but she pulled away, refusing to listen. Vernon had said he loved her too and it had been a lie. Now, Jesse was doing the same thing. Telling her what she wanted to hear before he broke her heart again.
She kept on
