Green Valley felt so far away. Like I had dreamed this most perfect scenario but had since woken up to cold, harsh reality.
Roxy. She was in my mind all the time. She took up more real estate than anybody else. The longer I was away from her, the more I realized that maybe she had been right. Skip had been right. I had tried to drown myself in her rather than deal with my feelings. Now it was time to be better. I had to make things right. No more running.
I dug through a drawer to find a pen and paper. If Dad could pour his heart out fully on paper, then maybe I would try it too.
Dear Roxy …
Chapter 26
Roxy
Months passed. Weeks. Days. Seconds. The measurement of time didn’t matter. I worked until I collapsed. I had my new office. My new title. I had the prestige that went along with it. At this point, everyone in Green Valley knew I was the events coordinator at the Lodge. Sure, maybe some narrow-minded individuals still saw me as a Wraith’s girl. But you know what? I didn’t care. They could see me however they wanted. Just like the calls with my parents, it didn’t change what I knew about myself. I had worked hard to change my life. I had done it by myself with the help of a few people who had my best interests in mind. What others thought of me wasn’t any of my business and I couldn’t care less.
But I didn’t have Gretchen. I’d still not been able to talk to her. Nor did I have Sanders because I pushed him to go. He needed to return to Denver but it still hurt to know that I had sent him away. I’d tried so hard to prove that I was living my life to its fullest and yet I worked every day until I passed out. I missed Sanders and our nights together. I missed the SWS and knowing what was happening in their lives. If only I could get over myself and reach out.
I was so alone.
I sighed as I watched a group of forty-something women chat happily about their upcoming girls’ trip that weekend. They complained about their husbands and children in a way that said they couldn’t be happier to have so much to miss back home. The ache in my chest sharpened to a point that jabbed my heart every time my lungs filled with air.
Maybe I should have gone with him. I used to think that one day I would know what the right thing was to do in every situation. But there was no right thing. There’s what your head wants. And what your heart wants. Add in what you think the world wants for you and somehow none of it ever seemed to sync up. I fought the idea of flying out to be with him in Denver every day, but then what?
I needed to talk to Gretchen. I realized that I had felt like a burden to her ever since she pulled me from the Dragon Bar. That I owed something to her, even though she was simply trying to give me a second chance.
“Hey, Roxy?” Vincent approached with one hand in his pocket and a cool look on his face.
“Hmm?” I asked straightening. I had been staring off into space. Just standing in the middle of the lobby without anything to do. Everything was taken care of. Everything was running smoothly. Which, unfortunately for me meant I had nothing to distract me.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
His handsome face showed a hint of concern. I hadn’t thought he’d been paying attention. Now that I looked at him, really looked at him, I could see what a catch he was. Handsome, successful … here. Vincent had completely intimidated me at first but now we had become not friends exactly … but peers? The idea made me happy. I’d spent so long feeling like I needed to prove myself to him but he didn’t care. He was never judging me. To be fair, he probably never thought about me at all. That’s the secret I would pass on to all graduating classes from here out: Hey, it’s depressing but also majorly freeing once you realize nobody actually cares about you. Everybody is too busy worrying about themselves.
I frowned. “I’m okay. How are you, Vincent? It’s been a crazy last few months.”
“It’s been nuts. I tried my best to keep my side of the Lodge running smoothly, but I need to go back to the city.”
“Oh,” I said. I had grown to like working with Vincent.
“You’ve been doing a great job here. You earned that events coordinator title. But don’t let it be your whole life. It’s just work.”
I gave him a look.
“I’m just saying that I recognize the sign of early-onset workaholism.”
He had no idea. What else was there for me? Sanders had said I was worth more than what I did for other people but I still couldn’t help but think if I had just done more, then I wouldn’t be alone right now. If I had just …
But I was the one who pushed everyone away, determined to prove something.
“I’ll have my doctor run some tests,” I said.
He grinned at me.
“And I appreciate you allowing me time to get to know you
