Contents
Trigger warning
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55
Chapter 56
Chapter 57
Chapter 58
Chapter 59
Chapter 60
Chapter 61
Chapter 62
Chapter 63
Chapter 64
Chapter 65
Chapter 66
Chapter 67
Chapter 68
Chapter 69
Chapter 70
Chapter 71
Chapter 72
Chapter 73
Chapter 74
Chapter 75
Chapter 76
Chapter 77
Chapter 78
Epilogue
Alofa Atu
Fa’afetai (Thank you!)
About the Author
Trigger warning
This book contains scenes of a sexual nature, sexual abuse, self-harm and child-loss.
This story is dedicated to THE ONES who are struggling and feel alone in this world: YOU are a fighter. YOU are the light. YOU are LOVED.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
Copyright © 2020 by Pua Ramona. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce, distribute, or transmit in any form or by any means. For information regarding subsidiary rights, please contact Pua Ramona.
Manufactured in the United States of America
First Edition December 2020
Edited By: Shona Chalmers
Formatted By: Purrfectly Haunting Formatting
Blurb
Falling in love is never easy. Being in love is even harder.
It's devastating, heartbreaking, earth shattering and life changing.
You give each other your heart, soul, love, life...Everything. You believe it will never end.
Until one day it does, and it's gone.
But I got her. My gift. My daughter. My ultimate love. I was content, happy even.
Until one family reunion - it changes everything.
Will I survive another heartbreak or lose the rest of what’s left of my heart?
Chapter One
Sina
He was my first love, my first everything. I believed him with everything that I was when he told me that I was his only love. I believed him when he gave me his heart, I trusted him when I gave him my all. I gave him my heart to keep, but he broke me the day I found out that he was in love with someone else who wasn’t me. What he didn’t know was that day was the very same day I found out that I was carrying his child. I packed the little things that were mine, and I left the only place I called home without confronting him and I never looked back. That was eight years ago, today I’m getting ready to head back home for our family reunion. I would be lying if I said I didn’t try to talk myself out of going, but I knew that it was time for my little girl to meet the rest of her family, and it was time for me to let go of my past. Have you ever had that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach that just didn’t sit right? Well, I’m feeling that right now, and the closer we get to our destination, the heavier my heart is getting. I just hope that this trip won’t break the last piece of me that I have left.
It’s been an hour since our plane landed at the Sea-Tac airport and we are still waiting in line to pick up our rental. Why did I choose to fly late? I mean shit, how was I supposed to know that people actually chose to fly evenings, and not mornings? I grab my phone to check for the time, sighing because it’s now midnight and my baby girl has been up all day. I look down and ask her, “Baby, are you hungry?”
She looks up and says, “No Mama, I just want to get out of this crowded airport please.”
I hug her closer to me and say, “As soon as we get the keys we’ll be on our way to grandma’s.” It’s taken us almost two hours to get the keys, plus loading our suitcases in the damn car but we are finally on our way to my mother’s place, where I am pretty sure everyone’s waiting up for us. Who would have thought how much a person can feel after being gone for so long? I’m overwhelmed with anxiety. Being back on old grounds has done nothing but stir up all the sadness and heartache that I’ve kept locked away. I feel my phone buzzing, not bothering checking it because I know it’s either Mama or Luka calling to make sure that we are okay and safely on our way. Emma hasn’t met the majority of the family yet, but she has spoken to them over the phone. Sometimes she video chats with Luka.
“Mama, do you want me to answer it? It’s Uncle Luka calling again,” Emma says.
I take a deep breath and say, “No, just let it go to voicemail. We'll see them in a few. Thank you, baby.”
Emma looks at me and says, “Mama, are you okay?”
“Yes Baby, Mama’s fine I promise,” I answer with a strained smile.
She gives me her killer smile and says, “Mama, I will love you for always.” I do my best to not lose my shit. It has been just us for the past eight years. I never dated after I left Emma’s dad. I kept myself busy with work and made sure that Emma was well taken care of. Her father hasn’t been a part of her life because I selfishly haven’t told him about her. I do speak to her about him though and answer any questions she has about him, always being sure not to answer in a negative way.
Emma was four when she first asked me about her dad. She would see her friends with their mommies and daddies, so she got curious, I guess. I would tell her that she had his eyes, his smile and that was enough for her. If I had any regrets, it would be Emma not
