“Well, I don’t know what Zed’s plan is, but he says if I help him, he’ll help me leave.”
“You don’t have to help him if you don’t want to.”
“But Marni said that it’s the only way that you can all be free from this mess with Josh.”
“Ah, you know about that. Why am I not surprised.” He begins walking toward me, my heart jumping with each step that brings him closer.
“Madison actually told me that part.” I bite back a smile. “Heard you two are in love?”
“Madison needs serious help. Hopefully she gets it when she’s in Colorado.”
“She left already?”
“Let’s just say she’s on her way out.”
Thank God. I really didn’t want to deal with that girl. “I’m sorry I lied to you, Lars. For what it’s worth, I felt like I didn’t have many options.”
“You don’t have to apologize. Everything that happened to you is because of me. I didn’t deserve your truth. Still don’t.”
“Well, if it wasn’t for you, then it would probably have been one of them who took the bet. I’m glad you took it.”
He takes a seat on the bed and drags his teeth over his bottom lip. “I never would have let anyone else have it. Probably would have beat the shit out of them for even suggesting someone else do it.”
I feel like I should be mad even talking about this, because the bet was the first flip of the domino, but the way his words warm my insides makes it impossible to be upset about it anymore. “I hope we can move on from this all and I know we’ll never see each other again, but…” I begin to choke up and take a long pause. God, it hurts so bad. “You’ll always be my first.”
“I didn’t deserve to be.”
“Not my first, first. I’m talking about my first love.” It’s always been Lars. Ever since his brother’s funeral, he found his way into my heart. I’d forget about him for a while, but then he’d pop up somewhere, like church, and I’d feel him knocking at the walls inside of me again. It wasn’t until freshman year that my crush developed. By sophomore year, he visited me in every dream. Junior year, I fell in love. Senior year—I lost him. “Can you promise me one thing?”
“I can probably do that.”
“Wait until I’m gone before you tell everyone the truth about the baby. It’s only a couple days.”
I watch as his fingers trail down my bare leg. Sending goosebumps in their path. “I wanna go with you, Willa.”
My head shoots up. “You what?”
“Let me leave Redwood with you. I know you said that it won’t work and that I don’t want that life. But, that life is all I want. What I don’t want is a life without you in it.”
I’m pretty sure my heart just stopped beating. “But the baby, it’s not yours.”
“She’s always been mine. I don’t need a DNA test to tell me otherwise.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a piece of paper. “That reminds me, the results came in. At first, I wasn’t even going to pick them up because I knew all I needed to, but then I remembered they ran some genetic bloodwork to make sure everything is ok. Good news, the baby is healthy.”
I’m not even sure what he said after she’s always been mine. Obviously, I know he’s metaphorically speaking. We both know the baby is Rick’s. But, in his heart, it’s his baby.
He hands me the paper and my eyes skim over it. Everything looks good, and it’s confirmed that there was not a match between the fetal fragments in my blood work and the blood work Lars had done.
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a separate piece of paper. “Apparently they also do a gender test. Do you wanna know or should I let it be a surprise?”
“Oh my gosh, you better tell me!” I drop the results in my hand on the bed then snatch the paper from his hand. “It’s a girl!” My hands fly up and the paper falls beside me.
“See. That’s another reason I have to go with you. She’s gonna need a dad to protect her from assholes.”
As much I want this. It’s a fantasy. It’s not real. Lars thinks he wants this life with us, but how could he really? He’s only eighteen years old. Hasn’t even graduated yet. Letting him go with me and raise the baby would be selfish. It hurts fiercely to have to do this, but I can’t let him throw his whole life away. Climbing onto my knees, I sit in front of him on the bed. Tears sting the corners of my eyes and threaten to break free while a ball lodges in my throat. “Lars, you’re going to be the best daddy in the world someday. But, it’s not time for that, yet. You still have so much living to do before you settle down.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “No. I want this. More than anything in the world. I want you. I want our baby.”
“No you don’t. You just think you do. You want out of this town. Away from your idiot friends and away from this mess.” I think very clearly before I say what’s coming next, but it needs to be said. “Loving this baby won’t bring Colby back. You’re feeling the emotions you’ve been searching for, Lars.” I smile through the pain that’s eating away inside of me. “Let that be enough.”
Taking my hands in his, he lays them on my lap and stands up. “I’m feeling emotions because of you. This has nothing to do with Colby.” He bends down, pressing his hands on either side of my head with his face mere inches from mine. “I love you, Willa.” His mouth meets mine and tears slide down my cheeks. Falling onto my lips, I can taste the saltiness of this heartbreak.
Sweeping his thumb underneath my left eye, he breaks
