Mom blows on her coffee and clears her throat. “I’m really sorry again, Lincoln. Every time I close my eyes I see him falling; the unnatural way his leg bent, his scream. There wasn’t anything I could do. I’m so sorry.” The guilt is what forced me to realize this won’t be an isolated incident if we don’t change things up.
I wrap an arm over her shoulder. “He’s fine now, though. Kids will be kids.” Sipping my coffee, I set the mug on the counter. “Did you look anymore at that stuff I sent you, about Florida?” I don’t make a ton of money, but I have a comfortable life and I don’t want for anything. I can help my mom take the Florida leap.
She looks down at the floor as she shrugs out of my grasp. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.”
I raise my brows. “Oh, did you want to go to Florida then? You’ve already looked it over? You know we’ll miss you, but you can’t feel bad about leaving. You already raised your kids, and helped me through the roughest of years with the little man.” I think about Turner as a newborn and how little I knew, and how challenging it was. Mom was the instruction manual babies don’t come with. “You deserve it.”
Mom shakes her head. “It’s not that. Not exactly, anyway.” She sways back and forth, then sits down on a stool at the island. “I’ve been talking to your father.”
What? I didn’t see that one coming.
“And, well, I’m going to go for a visit. It’s not Florida, but it might be even better. He wants to talk face to face.” She glances at the shock on my face. “Sometimes people need a little space and then the dust, and their hearts settle.”
“I’m not picking sides, but Dad left you without anywhere to go and it’s been years. What happened to his girlfriend? I’m all for you talking to him, but is getting back together with him a bit like beating a dead horse?” I will totally pick sides. Dad was at fault for their marriage crumbling. I’m civil to him, of course, but Mom is the home team.
She sighs and sips her coffee. “I didn’t say I’m getting back with him. When you spend nearly your entire life with someone, you owe them a face to face talk regardless of circumstances. Yesterday’s bad decisions are just that. Today is a new day and a chance to make better choices.” Mom meets my eyes. “I’ve been a crutch for you, Lincoln. Don’t get me wrong, you are the highlight of my entire life and Turner is the best gift you’ve ever given me. You aren’t moving forward though. Not with me here.” She shakes her head. “You’re treading water. You don’t date, nor are you even open to letting a woman in your life. Turner needs more than I can give him. This is about me going to visit your father for a little while, but it’s about more than that.”
I swallow hard and an acrid taste seeps from my throat into my mouth. “Some would argue bringing women into his life isn’t good for him.”
“I’m not saying bring home some floozy from The Shack, dear. The right woman, after you’ve vetted her of course, would be the best thing for the both of you.”
“I’m worried about you, Mom. I’ll figure things out without you. Your happiness is what I want.”
She reaches out and touches my cheek. “My happiness is your happiness.”
“You’re suggesting by you leaving, I’m going to be forced to go mommy shopping. I could do that now if I was interested.”
Mom quirks a brow. “Not at all. I’m saying by me being here, it erases the possibility of that happening. Your father and I fell apart and maybe it was so I could be here for you. Now that Turner is older, the need for me is a little less, we’ll fall back together.” So typical of her to make logical points I’d never consider. Because they’re based on emotions. After Rena, I vowed to keep my emotions out of everything, save for Turner.
There are a million things I could argue, but it wouldn’t do any good. Hurting her feelings isn’t something I’d ever aim to purposefully do. “Okay, Mom. I support whatever you want. We’ll figure it out. I still have that list of nannies you approved of in the event of your absence. We’ll make it work.”
“And you’ll stop being lonely and try dating?” Mom never brings up Rena, but she knows that’s why I’m messed up.
I was completely wrong once, I can’t afford to be wrong again. “Sure,” I offer. It’s a blatant lie. I made a vow to myself when I understood just how much a world can change from a single carnal act. I’m celibate. I’ve been celibate since Rena left. I’ll stay celibate. There’s one problem: even as I’m thinking about the promise I made to myself, Maeve’s face floats through my mind. I gave her my number in a spur of the moment, hasty gesture. The something about her proved to be more than I could handle. I’ll find out more about her. I’ll leave my number at the next appointment and the one after that, persistence will guarantee my victory.
Maybe I’m not lying to my mom, after all. Maeve Ahern is a goddamn flash bang. If I can control the flash, I might be able to survive the back blow this time.
CHAPTER FOUR
Turner is hobbling around the lobby with Aspen. Lincoln is looking at me like he wants me for dinner, but that’s inaccurate because in actuality he wants to take me to dinner. Or so he’s asked, and I’m staring at the wall
