“Emi…” There was a slight sound of panic in my name, but I was too far gone to notice it.
“I need you…” I told him and I closed my eyes. The tip of my tongue darted out lazily and licked around and up his chest toward the hollow of his neck. My fangs grazed the smooth skin of his throat, making him go still.
“Emi…”
“Just one taste…”
My mouth opened wide, but before I had the chance to sink through his soft skin to the blood underneath, Xander slid out from underneath me to the floor while pushing me off to another part of the bed. I snapped up quickly after the movement and angrily hissed at him before I realized what I was doing.
Almost instantly, I covered my mouth in surprise and embarrassment for what I almost did. Not only did I try to drink from Xander, but I hissed at him too.
“Xander, I’m so sorry,” I said, my words muffled against my hand. I didn’t trust myself to move it away, besides my fangs were still out. I was out of the hunger and lust trance I was in, but the craving was still there.
Xan stood there staring at me with his hands on his hips for a few seconds before turning around and roaring toward the ceiling. The sound was so loud, it shook the walls around us and scared me enough to make my vampire side slip away.
“Fuck!” he screamed. “If I ever see that fucking vampire again, I swear I will fucking rip her fucking head from her fucking body for doing this to you!”
I brought up my other hand and buried my face into them. It was so messed up and I didn’t know how to fix it. I was afraid to go to Xan because I was worried I couldn’t control my hunger like Matias claimed I could. I just tried to drink from Xan while we were having sex and it felt like my consciousness took a back seat to the hunger, to the vampire. How do I keep from doing that again? I didn’t know and it killed me.
No matter what I did, I kept hurting Xan. So much was stacked against our relationship and it seemed it was becoming more and more impossible.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, softly. “Please, please calm down. I don’t know what to do, I, I…” My jaw stammered as I tried to talk but nothing would come out. I didn’t know how to make it right. He stopped his pacing and stood in front of me with his hands on his hips again, but the fight had left him. “You’re, you’re better off without me,” I finally said. “I’ve brought you nothing but heartache and pain and I’m so sorry, Xan.”
I put my face back in my hands and breathed in deeply, trying to keep the tears at bay. I had only taken one breath in and out when my hands were gently pulled away. Xan was kneeling down beside the bed and leaning over toward me.
“I’m not giving up on this,” he plainly said. “I’ve told you over and over again, and yeah, this sucks, big time. But tomorrow you’re going to have Matias teach you how to feed, you understand me?” I blushed and looked away, trying not to let on what that would probably mean, what might happen. His fingers found my chin and brough my eyes back up to his. “I don’t care what you have to do, but you need to come back to me as my Emi. You understand? I don’t care what it takes. You’ll always be mine, so get it done.”
“Even if it means I fully mate with him?” I asked quietly. It came out almost a whisper because of what I was telling him. When mates have sex for the first time, they fully bond with one another, forming an impenitrable connection between the pair. There was no going back from that kind of commitment.
Xan’s nostrils flared and he closed his eyes as he understood what I was telling him could possibly happen. I held my breath as I watched his features even out and his anger slip away. His sable-colored eyes opened and he studied my face.
He leaned forward and sweetly kissed me on the lips before pulling away and standing and walking over to his backpack. He pulled out a pair of underwear and slipped them on, then a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He then zipped up the backpack and slipped one of the straps over his shoulder. Confused, I furrowed my eyebrows and made a move to get up.
“I’m going to sleep in the room next door until you get this sorted out.” I opened my mouth to protest but he continued. “I don’t want to sleep without you either, but I know you. You are going to worry over whether or not you’re going to hurt me when I’m out for the night.”
He was right. Dammit. I lowered my eyes in shame. I knew I wouldn't get much sleep, but I was already worrying about getting even a little bit laying beside him all night.
“I’m so sorry, Xan,” I told him.
“Me too, baby.” Several seconds of silence passed before I heard the bedroom door open. “Hey,” Xan said, making me look up. “I love you, Emi. You trying to suck my blood doesn’t change that, and the fact you may have to do something I don’t like won’t change it either.”
I swallowed the tears that threatened to fall and nodded my head. He winked once then slipped out the door, closing it behind him. A few seconds later, the door of the bedroom beside mine opened and closed and soft footsteps walked across the floor toward the bed.
I listened as he slipped beneath the sheets and lay down.
“Goodnight, baby,” he said, knowing I could hear him.
“Goodnight,” I repeated. I flopped down onto the
