‘That’s so kind of you but no, it’s okay. I really meant, if a painting is copied by someone, not the owner, and that person replaces the original with the copy and sells the original, is it an easy thing to keep quiet?’
‘Are you planning something?’
George was alarmed at my surprise. ‘Don’t worry,’ she said, ‘I’m only joking. In truth it’s not an easy thing to keep quiet but it does happen and the less well-known the artist the more chance of getting away with it. Just you wait for my documentary, you’re going to love it.’
‘I bet I will.’
George took a glug of wine and I realised I’d forgotten to eat pudding. I put a teaspoonful in my mouth.
‘It’s good, isn’t it,’ she said.
‘Sure is.’
I glanced up the table. Lavender gave me the happiest grin as if to say, ‘I’m so pleased you and George are getting on’.
‘Right,’ said George as I finished my last mouthful, ‘try me with another.’
‘How easy is it to locate a painting sold on the black market?’
‘As in find it?’
‘Yes.’
‘Practically impossible, I’d say.’
‘Oh. What about tracing how and where it left the country?’
‘If it’s a painting you’re thinking of, they’re mostly transported by container ship. Less likely to get damaged than on an aeroplane. Various UK ports serve different countries. But you’d have to know where the buyer comes from, first.’
‘What a muddle. Is your documentary about a painting?’
‘No, no. The first episode, I hope there will be more, follows a vast sculpture of a horse. Harder to hide, easier to find. The producers had to give themselves the best chance at an ending. It does teach one an awful lot about the trade, though, which is the point.’
‘Of course.’
‘Now, Susie, I’m terribly sorry but I’m gasping for a cigarette. Would you like one?’
A large part of me wanted to say yes but it’s been several months since I last smoked and I mustn’t cave in again (just yet).
‘No thank you. I think I might head home now. It was so great to meet you.’
‘You too.’ George kissed me on both cheeks. ‘I hope one day we’ll meet again.’
‘Yes, I hope so too.’
I said goodbye to the table and Lavender saw me to the door. ‘Toodle pip, Suz,’ she said, steadying herself against the frame. ‘Let’s get together again. Give me a tinkle anytime.’
‘Thank you so much, that was great fun.’ I waved back at her as I crossed the gravel turning circle and got into my car.
Yawn. It’s Saturday morning, just gone nine o’clock. Last night I slept like a log. Straight through my alarm and I don’t know what woke me, but something did. I’ve been downstairs and made a pot of tea and I’m now upright in bed basking in spring sunshine waiting for an answer to my call.
I’ve Googled two things this morning. 1. where do containers from the uk to canada depart? Answer: Portsmouth. 2. who do I call to report an art fraud? Answer: the local constabulary.
‘Highlands and Islands Police Headquarters, how may I direct your call?’ came the voice of a particularly cheery soul.
‘Hello.’
‘Yes, Missy? Whit’s yous name?’
‘Susie Mahl.’
‘How may I help?’
Last night I’d worked out exactly what I was going to say and so without hesitation, I launched straight in. ‘Officer, there’s something I’d like to report…’
He interrupted, ‘Yous fe England?’
‘Yes, I am and I’d like to…’
‘Right ye are,’ he cut me off again, ‘I can see from the code showing on the phone. It ain’t a local number and with yous accent I put the two and two together.’
‘That’s so clever of you.’ I had to get rid of this buffoon. ‘Can I speak to your supervisor, please?’
‘Yous’ll have to tell me what it’s aboot. I canee just pass yous on willy-nilly, yous ken.’
‘I’d like to report a fraud.’
‘Right ye are then, putting you through now.’
‘Hello?’
‘Hello, Officer.’
‘It’s Constable MacKinzie if you must.’
‘Constable MacKinzie.’
‘Name please?’
‘Susie.’
‘No other names?’
‘Mahl.’
‘What?’
‘M A H L.’
‘Right, why don’t yous tell me why yous are calling and then I’ll assess if we need yous details.’
Seriously? I think this station has scraped the barrel for fill-in holiday staff.
‘Okay, sure…’
Before I could add any more he said, ‘Pressing issue or emergency?’
‘I’d like to report some art fraud.’
‘Oh, looks like you’re in luck, my boss has just arrived. I’ll pass yous over.’
‘Inspector Gordon, how may I help you?’
‘My name’s Susie Mahl, I’m calling to report an art fraud.’
‘Right okay, give me a second, I’ve been caught up this morning and I’ve only just got to the station.’
I heard the sound of a chair scraping across a wooden floor, a desk drawer opening and a tin of pens rattling. A huge sigh came down the line. ‘Right, you still there?’
‘Yes.’
‘Susie Mahl, Norland Lane, East Sussex. Correct?’
‘Correct. How come you have my details?’
‘Traced your phone number.’
‘I see.’
‘This is the Highlands and Islands Police HQ, do you think you’ve got the wrong number?’
‘No, this is right. I was wondering if you’ve had a call about a local art fraud?’
‘No comment.’
‘So, you have?’
‘Let’s hypothetically speaking say we have.’
‘Okay. It’s to do with the Earl and Countess of Muchton at Auchen Laggan Tosh.’
‘Yes, I know that.’
This man was easy to crack.
‘I spent this last week tutoring on an art residency up there.’
‘Aye, I heard about that.’
‘I was there when the art valuer suggested two Landseers were copies.’
‘Supposedly identified,’ he corrected. ‘According to Lord Muchton the art dealership rang on Wednesday morning to tell him the news. We don’t have confirmation yet. There’s a meeting in the diary for Tuesday with an art specialist but other than that there isn’t a huge amount we can do.’
‘Well, I’m observant by nature and over the last week I noticed quite a few things tied up with the copies.’
‘If they are copies,’ he reminded me again. ‘You’re going to have to explain yourself. The fraud was reported yesterday. If it turns out to be true, we have no idea which generation is to
