He went on, ‘I shouldn’t have interrupted your teaching post and it was wrong of me to accept the invitation to that evening without asking you first.’
‘It’s not completely wrong of you,’ I said, as usual dropping my guard. ‘I didn’t behave very well.’
Toby’s brow creased slightly. He was surprised at my reaction but I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hold up being sullen around him. Mainly because I think it’s terribly bad practice to be cruel to someone you one day might love (again). Toby was that someone for me.
‘When I accepted the job in Scotland,’ I sighed, ‘I felt it would be a breath of fresh air, a change of scene, and then you turned up and it upset me a lot.’ This was brutally honest but it’s how I am and I didn’t want to pretend to be someone I’m not.
Toby took hold of my hand. ‘Please will you give me a second chance?’
‘Friends?’ I said, getting in there first. I didn’t want to hear the word come out of his mouth.
‘Yes,’ he replied, and I looked away. My heart has just broken for a second time.
He pressed the button on the traffic lights and let go of my hand.
‘Susie,’ he said without any feeling, ‘you know me better than almost all my friends. Surely that’s something we can build on?’
I forgot to speak, again.
‘Can’t we?’
‘Yes of course.’
‘Good,’ he smiled. ‘Hey, how do you think a blind person knows when to cross the road?’
I shrugged.
‘Give me your hand.’ He held it palm facing upwards under the black box. ‘Can you feel a solid button?’
‘Yes.’
‘Keep touching it and when the red man turns green, it’ll vibrate.’
He was right. ‘That’s so great.’
‘Isn’t it just.’
We crossed the road and I left my disappointment on the other side. I’m determined not to let my hopes spoil our time together. Who knows when we’ll see each other again?
As soon as we reached the other side Toby pulled me down a gap between two buildings. Oh yes…I think he’s going to kiss me. I’ve got it all wrong. Yes. Please do…
But when he said, ‘I researched the parks on Google Earth. It’s much quicker this way,’ I realised it was a literal short cut and I plodded on, squeezing between barbed wire and into a wood.
‘I wanted to see you today so I could apologise,’ he volunteered. ‘But I also just wanted to hang out and have fun like we used to do.’
He gave me a huge smile and I couldn’t help smiling back. He looked so happy, a little boy in a grown-up’s body.
We came out of the wood onto an expanse of grass with little bunches of yellow primroses and groups of people.
‘If we head for that corner,’ Toby pointed into the distance, ‘there should be a bandstand and I thought we could eat in it.’
‘Great.’ I sounded reasonably enthusiastic.
We walked as a pair, neither of us talking. The calm atmosphere between us was enough to assure me things were going to get better from here on. I no longer felt the need to drag up the past. How he could have left me alone and upset, disregarded my sensitivities and cut off all communication. Today was Toby’s day. He’d struck up the plan, taken it into his hands and although he hadn’t spoken the word ‘sorry’ he had conveyed it in what he’d said.
I looked across at him and beamed. His blue eyes sparkled back as he ran his hand through his thick curly hair.
‘It’s so good to be out of the office,’ he said, taking in a great big breath of fresh air. ‘Working as a mortuary clerk is dead dull sometimes.’
‘Yeah, I bet it’s lifeless.’
He laughed, a lot. This made me happy. Toby was willing to let me in.
‘Okay. Okay,’ he said and stopped. The bandstand lay about ten feet away but there was obviously something pressing on his mind. ‘I’ve been dying to say this but I wanted to clear things up between us first.’
‘What?’ I could hardly contain my excitement.
‘Isn’t it AMAZING what’s going on with the Muchtons?’
This was a massive let-down. I honestly thought he was going to tell me he loved me. An unrealistic thought I know, but my emotions are all over the place and the most unlikely scenarios suddenly seem likely to happen at any moment. I have been looking forward to discussing the Muchton art fraud drama with him later, not now.
‘It’s a pretty great story, don’t you think? I can’t believe the brother got away with it.’
‘He didn’t get away with it, that’s the point.’ I began to walk away.
‘Oi, oi, oi,’ Toby pulled at my shoulder and turned me around. ‘What’s up? You can’t just change the atmosphere like that.’ His voice was now soft, kind, willing me to share whatever it was.
No matter what I said, I owed him a reply.
‘You bringing up the Auchen Laggan Tosh mystery reminded me of us falling out in Norfolk over the death of that American girl, Hailey.’
Toby blew his lips apart with a puff of air. ‘Susie, don’t be so silly. Norfolk’s in the past, and anyway, what’s Norfolk got to do with this?’
His eyes strained as he fixed me with an anxious glare. I didn’t flicker. I wanted him to get there by himself.
He stared and stared and eventually, forgetting he had a satchel over one shoulder, he threw his arms up in the air. Lunch rattled around but he didn’t seem to care.
‘You were involved, weren’t you?’
‘I didn’t help Ewen paint them, no.’
He cuffed me round the head. ‘You know what I mean.’
‘But we’re not a team any more.’
‘Please,’ he begged, ‘don’t be like that. I’m sure we can be a team again. Just this time we weren’t but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear.’
I stopped myself from reminding him that last time we weren’t exactly a team either. He’d given up believing in me halfway through the case
