“But I’m pretty sure I read it in a book once ...” I trailed off at his look of incredulity.
“Chase, I say this with the highest of brotherly love, but was this book by chance written in the eighties? It sounds problematic as fuck. I’m glad we’re friends so I don’t have to worry about your ass being carted off to jail.”
He was right. The eighties called, and they wanted their bad ideas back. I needed a path forward. One that wouldn’t get me in more trouble with Tamra.
“Ugh. How can I fix this? I need to show her I’m thinking of her and willing to do anything. Food is one way to show love,” I belabored the point.
“Food may equal love but breaking and entering is grounds for a restraining order. Keep the food, but ditch doing it in her space. You could order her takeout,” he suggested.
I shook my head. “No. Too impersonal, and I think she likes my cooking. If I don’t make it, it doesn’t have the same effect. Maybe I could package it up like a picnic and leave it for her or mail it? Maybe get a food delivery service to drop it off?”
That sounded romantic. I needed a big gesture.
“Better. But if you give the woman food poisoning, it will be the kiss of death to any chance you have.”
He was right. Maybe something bigger.
“Noted. You know I’m better than that. But I still need something else big. I’m worried flowers aren’t enough to get her attention.”
My mind raced through groveling’s greatest hits. Messages written in the sky. Impossible to know if she’d see it. A lavish gift, like a new car. Scratch that, I couldn’t afford it and she wouldn’t accept it.
“You realize that you’ve got a narrow timeframe to make your case; after that any attempt will look pathetic and desperate. Are you sure she’s worth it?”
“I am pathetic and desperate. I made a mistake and I want to make it right.”
“If you truly want to make it right, then how are you going to change? These gestures let her know you’re thinking of her now, but what about the next time you get caught up in work?”
That hit close to home because it was absolutely true. Groveling wasn’t me changing. My habits had been built over years. They were part of me and fundamental to my creative process. I’d known Tamra only a few months. But she felt like a part of me too. Could I change my writing style, or would I lose the ability to write if I forced myself into schedule?
“If you truly care, then learning how to manage your time to keep the important people in your life front and center might be the only thing to convince her.”
His deep brown eyes looked at me with a mix of concern and pity.
“I’m sorry, Jimmy. You’re one of the special people in my life too, but I know I haven’t always been there for you either.”
He brushed off my apology with a flick of his hand, but his nudge did get me thinking about the boundaries between my work and personal life. Were there other relationships I’d stunted by ignoring the world around me?
Our food arrived, and I focused on the plate in front of me while I digested Jimmy’s suggestion. He was right. Changing my habits made sense if I wanted to have anyone in my life five years from now, not just Tamra. Looking up from my burger, Jimmy seemed preoccupied, and I realized I hadn’t checked in with him.
“So, you’ve heard all about my drama. What’s new with you?”
His lips tilted. “Ah, I’ve been spending time with the fair Janine.”
“It’s going well?” I asked.
“Compared to you? Yes. Although I’m not sure she’s that into me. She’s beautiful, smart, and driven, and she ... she just sees the firefighter package.”
“Jimmy. You’re not just anything. You work hard, and you’re intelligent with a good career. She’d be lucky to have you in her life.”
“She’s the kind of woman that deserves more, you know? She’s got a lot going for her, and I’m feeling a little inferior.”
“You? Inferior? I want to meet this woman. Apparently, she’s a force to be reckoned with if she can make you doubt yourself. Which you shouldn’t be.”
He’d deny it if I pushed the issue, but Jimmy was an amazing friend. He was devoted to his career and to helping people. He had nothing to feel inferior about. All the smarts in the world couldn’t match Jimmy’s heart.
I paid our tab and thanked Jimmy for being my sounding board. His friendship was more than I deserved.
That night I initiated phase one of Win Back Tamra: The Apology and Change Tour. I ordered flowers for delivery at the hospital. I hoped that they’d make her smile and feel special, even if I wasn’t her favorite person right now.
I also purchased ingredients for my picnic meal. I was trying to load it with every delicacy I could think of that would let her know I listened and cared about her, along with the dessert I made for my first dinner at her place.
How I’d manage to make my writing life more balanced was a tougher question. Writing was my job. Granted, a job I loved and found all-consuming, but still a job. Jimmy’s gentle rebuke reminded me that I needed to make time for people too.
Alarms became my best friend. I felt silly clocking in and out for my stay-at-home job, but it helped me see patterns. Otherwise, I got lost in the writing haze. I also set alarms for game night with the guys and gym time. I gave myself a one-hour warning so I could try to break away and be more prepared and on-time. But I knew myself and that sneaky desire to wrap up one chapter which led to two more, so I
