“Oh honey!” Carl said, seeing the tear slip down her cheek. He kissed the top of her head and gently pulled her into his arms.
They were soft arms, she realized. Not hard and firm. Not comforting. Damn Lincoln for spoiling her beautiful, perfect future! She’d honestly thought she loved Carl. And in a sense, she had. Still did. But Kinsley didn’t feel overwhelming passion for him.
She felt that way for Lincoln.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, pulling out of his arms that weren’t “right” and moved into her kitchen. “I didn’t sleep well last night. I think I’m just overly tired.” Kinsley didn’t mention that his touch made her feel as if she were cheating, betraying Lincoln now. When the reality was, she was cheating with Lincoln! No, they hadn’t cheated physically. But mentally, she’d been thinking about Lincoln, all the while blithely planning to marry Carl.
He followed her into the kitchen, watching her as she lifted the pot of boiling water and pasta off of the stove, carrying it to the sink where she dumped it all into a colander. The steam rose up, causing her cheeks to flush red for a moment and she breathed in the steam, trying to calm herself down.
“Need some help?”
She smiled at him, thinking not for the first time that Carl really was a nice man. “Would you pour me a glass of wine? I got a Chianti I wanted to try.”
“Chianti?” he asked, moving over to the table and peering at the label. “We’ve never tried a Chianti before. What made you try something new?”
She shrugged. “Oh, well, I was standing in front of the shelf of wines and a clerk assumed I was lost. He recommended the Chianti with the spaghetti. So, I thought I’d be wild and adventurous…” she paused, thinking of her afternoon lesson on the motorcycle.
Shaking her head, she pushed that thought aside. She was with Carl now. It wasn’t polite to think of another man when she was with her boyfriend.
“So anyway, I thought, why not?”
He laughed as he poured two glasses of wine. “Well, I like a bit of adventure,” he told her, handing one to her. “Here’s to new adventures!” he toasted, then clinked her glass.
Kinsley hesitated for a long moment, wishing that she could just spit it out. But the words wouldn’t come. This was Carl. They’d been together for so long! How could she break his heart like this?
Somehow, Kinsley managed to make it through the meal. Carl’s calm, casual conversation helped enormously, but the whole time, she was dreading what she had to tell him.
A half hour later, Kinsley still wasn’t able to banish Lincoln from her thoughts. “Is everything okay, Kinsley?” Carl asked.
She looked up from her plate, startled. “Of course. Why do you ask?”
He looked down at her plate. “Well, you’ve barely eaten anything. And the dark circles under your eyes say you aren’t exaggerating about your lack of sleep.” He took her hand, his thumb sliding over her knuckles. In the past, Carl’s touch had been reassuring. But now, it felt…wrong.
It felt as if she were cheating on Lincoln!
Oh, good grief! How could this mess have spiraled out of control so badly, so quickly? What was she doing? How could she have been almost engaged to one man only to feel a deep, intense connection with another man? And in one night?
No, that wasn’t true. It hadn’t happened in one night. Her feelings for Lincoln had been growing every day. Every moment. Working for Lincoln, seeing how hard he worked, how he was trying to make the world a better, safer place, made her heart soar.
Also, she’d been aware of him as a man since that first day. And that awareness had only increased. This afternoon, she’d discovered what true desire was. And she didn’t have it with Carl.
Carl was warm and soft and comforting. He was a friend. Not a lover.
When that thought popped into her mind, she was shocked. She removed her hand from Carl’s, refusing to allow herself even the slightest comfort.
Carl blinked, alarmed that she’d cringed away. “What? What just happened?” he asked, his brown eyes wide with hurt and confusion.
Kinsley buried her face in her hands, sobbing with desolation. “I can’t do this anymore, Carl. I’m so sorry!”
He moved around to the other side of the table, kneeling beside her chair. “Honey, what can’t you do? What’s wrong?”
She pulled her hands away, clasping them together on her lap as she looked down at him. “I can’t marry you,” she whispered through lips so numb they could barely form the words.
Carl blinked at her, stunned, his mouth open. “Not marry? But…?” He shook his head slightly. “What’s going on? Where is this coming from? Are you upset because I teased you about the wedding plans?”
Kinsley sniffed, because she had been hurt by his words last night. “I was angry about that. But that’s not what this is about.” She stood up and moved across the room. “I just…I realized that, although I love you
