This book is dedicated to my husband, Kevin,
who loves me in a T-shirt, a towel, or a tiara.
Contents
PART ONE: Fat, Black and Ugly 1
Chapter 1
“There’s a speed limit in this state, mister.”
3
Chapter 2
“If that’s all you’re getting from what I
told
you,”…
14
Chapter 3
“Woodburn wants to see you, Audra,”
Darlene Fuchs, the assignment…
28
Chapter 4
“Something fancy and hip. Fancy and hip,”
Audra sang the…
46
Chapter 5
Too trendy for words.
58
Chapter 6
“My God, Audra! Do you have any idea
what
time—”
73
PART TWO: Light, Bright and Beautiful 85
Chapter 7
“Audra, it’s Shamiyah Thomas again,
from the Ugly Duckling show?”
87
Chapter 8
“Audra! So nice to finally meet you!
Though I feel…
97
Chapter 9
“So which one was it? The Atkins or
South Beach?”
109
Chapter 10
“He’s kidding, right?” Audra swung her
face around the room,…
126
Chapter 11
“You want to bring some cameras into it,
fine with…
138
Chapter 12
“Marks!” 147
Chapter 13
“Shamiyah…it’s Audra.”
161
Chapter 14
Shamiyah stood at the baggage claim
when Audra arrived, looking…
166
Chapter 15
“So, Audra.” Dr. Anna Goddard crossed then
uncrossed her legs…
180
Chapter 16
“So. It’s tomorrow.” Edith’s voice was
heavy with the lateness…
198
Chapter 17
One big, oozing incision.
209
Chapter 18
“So what color are you now?”
224
Chapter 19
“Is that it?” Dr. Goddard nodded to
ward the thick brown…
234
Chapter 20
“Bradshaw…” 239
Chapter 21
“No excuses, Audra. It’s time to take
this
seriously—as…
245
Chapter 22
“Okay, I’ve got good news and bad news.”
259
Chapter 23
“Two minutes,” the stage manager hissed,
taking Audra’s gloved hand…
275
PART THREE: The Final Package 285
Chapter 24
“It’s amazing…amazing…” Penny
Bradshaw kept saying the word over…
287
Chapter 25
“You’re gonna need a new badge,
Marks,” Darlene Fuchs said…
296
Chapter 26
Audra knew the woman before she
entered the diner.
306
Chapter 27
Her mind was spinning with a million
thoughts: Ma, Andrew…
318
Chapter 28
“I’m sick and tired of being fat, black
and
ugly,”…
336
Chapter 29
“What’s going on with your face?”
Shamiyah asked, peering at…
356
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Other Books By Karyn Langhorne
Cover
Copyright
About the Publisher
PART ONE
Fat, Black and Ugly
Chapter 1
Thursday, March 29
Dear Petra,
Greetings from your fatter, uglier sister! (I know, I
know—but I figure starting this letter like that will get
your mind off the chaos there in Iraq.)
Glad to hear that the latest violence has not
affected you or Michael. Me, the same as always:
work, home to help Ma look after Kiana (who, other
than missing her mom and dad, is doing fine), watch a
good classic movie (Double Indemnity was on last
night!), sleep and back to work.
Speaking of work . . . there’s a new guy. Girl . . .
smooth milk chocolate skin, eyes light as caramel . . .
delicious! Even a married woman like you would lick
her lips! Works the same shift I do, but he’s never said
a single word to me. Actually, he doesn’t talk much at
all. The strong, silent type, I guess. No one seems to
4
Karyn Langhorne
know much about him, so he could be married with
kids. Or he could be a snobbish jerk who thinks he’s
tougher than the rest of us because he worked at
Upstate Maximum.
Or maybe he just doesn’t like fat chicks . . . J I
wonder what it would take for him to acknowledge my
existence?
Oh well, that’s all from the home front. Let’s be
careful out there,
Audra
“There’s a speed limit in this state, mister.”
Anyone else would have told the kid to
walk, to stop speeding through the day room
like he needed Ritalin, but Audra Marks was too
bored to do what everyone else would have done.
Instead, when the kid passed her at run, hurrying
over to a gaggle of young men hovering over a video
game rivalry, Double Indemnity—that great movie
classic of greed and betrayal—rose to her lips. In
a blink, she was no longer Audra Marks, a big-
boned black woman in a size-too-small uniform,
but Barbara Stanwyck—a film noir princess hitch-
ing the hem of her slinky dress to flummox Fred
MacMurray’s careful cool with a shapely, ankle-
braceleted leg.
Too bad her captive audience didn’t get it.
“Huh?” he offered with the eloquence typical of
young men of a certain age.
“Speed limit. Forty-five miles an hour. And you’re
over it, sure as ten dimes will buy you a dollar.”
Puzzlement creased her listener’s face. He was
DIARY OF AN UGLY DUCKLING
5
literally her captive—an inmate named Carlton
Carter at the tail end of eighteen months for petty
theft. He stopped short, watching her intently, his
dark eyes skittering in his face, trying to decide if
she was hassling him for a specific reason or just for
general purposes.
Audra sighed. For the half instant before he
opened his mouth, she played out a scene from her
own secret fantasies—that she’d be answered with a
line from one of the old classics, from The Petrified
Forest and Mildred Pierce, Desk Set and All About Eve.
It wouldn’t matter if he was nineteen or ninety, if he
was a convict or a conqueror, once he offered the
words like a magic kiss, Audra would lift eyes of
adoration to his face, violins would begin to play . . .
and they would live together happily ever after,
The End.
Clearly this kid wasn’t her guy . . . Audra shifted
her feet as though expecting to hear the telltale
shimmy of anklet beads colliding with each other
instead of the faint scuff of her orthopedic, regula-
tion black lace-ups. She put her hand on her ample
hip and leaned her sizeable frame close to the kid,
tossing her head as though it were covered with
Stanwyck’s flaxen curls.
“Look, kid,” she continued, mimicking the rapid-
fire delivery of a black-and-white film as the boy’s
brow crinkled in deeper confusion. “There are a lot of
losers in this mixed up, crazy world. Desperate peo-
ple, people willing to toss over their own mothers
just for a shot at the brass ring. One day soon, they’ll
spring you from this hole. But if you’re stupid
enough to commit another crime and end up back
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Karyn Langhorne
here, you’ll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not to-
morrow, but one day soon, and for the rest of your
life—”
Audra stopped short. Crap, wrong movie. She cut
her eyes nervously at the young inmate, but the kid
obviously didn’t know the difference or much care.
She glanced around, wondering if anyone else had
heard the mistake.
Not likely.
Around them,
