A yawn escaped my mouth.
“Maybe you should get some rest,” Jacob said, rubbing his hand up and down my arm.
I could have fallen asleep right there.
Reluctantly, I sat up and made a little space between our bodies. “I know you have to be going.”
“Why are you always trying to get rid of me?”
“I’m not,” I said. “I just don’t want to keep you.”
“From what?”
I shrugged. “From whoever.” I’d meant to say whatever, but Freudian slip, I supposed.
Jacob let out a soft chuckle. “There’s no who, Maeve. No one’s waiting for me.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t quite sure how to process that response. “I just assumed, after seeing you with Taylor at the library.”
Jacob was already shaking his head. “No, definitely not.”
“Oh, okay…” I did a few mental toe-touches. “I was sure you’d ask her out.”
“I did,” he said. “We went out a few times. But it wasn’t for the right reasons. I was just trying to distract myself.”
“Distract yourself from what?”
“What I really wanted.”
That aching burn made a comeback deep in my stomach. My heart felt like it was flying around in my chest.
My phone had been ringing intermittently the whole time.
“Don’t you want to answer it this time?” Jacob asked when it started to ring again.
“Why,” I murmured.
“It could be someone from the police station.”
“It’s not. It’s Sal calling.”
He readjusted the glasses on his face.
I looked up at him from under my lashes. “He’ll want to know when I’ll be able to come back to work.”
“You’re not actually thinking about going back there, are you?”
And just like that my bubble had burst. I lifted my head from the crook of his arm and sat up on the couch.
“I don’t have a choice, Jacob. I need a job.”
“You definitely have a choice.”
“These things happen. I can’t let it get it in the way.”
“These things happen?” he said. “Tell me you aren’t serious right now.”
“I’m fine, Jacob. I’ll get over it.”
“You are not fine, Maeve. Look at you.” His gaze traveled over my face. “What would have happened if he’d gotten you in his truck? You could have been killed.”
“You’re overreacting.”
A disgusted noise came from his throat. “I don’t believe this…”
What was I doing? We had this discussion once before. Why was I putting myself through this again? I must have had some suppressed masochistic tendencies.
“Jacob…” I shot up from the couch. “I can’t do this.”
“Do what?”
I threw my hands in the air. “This, whatever is happening between us right now.”
“Trying to be friends?” he said, getting back on his feet. “I made a promise to you, remember?”
“Yeah.” I crossed my arms. “When we were, like, nine. It wasn’t a blood oath, Jacob. I’m not going to hold you to it for the rest of your life.”
“I don’t get it,” he cried. “How can you walk away so easily?”
“I already told you. It could never work out between us.”
“I know,” he said. “You keep reminding me. But I still can’t understand, for the life of me, what makes you so sure.”
The weight of all my bottled-up emotions was forcing its way through me, ready to break free to the surface like a geyser.
“You don’t think I know, Jacob, that I’m a fucking cliché?” I let my arms fall to my sides. “Look at me.” I took a few steps to narrow the space between us. “Look at what I get myself into.” My words were so faint the air could barely carry them. “But this is who I am.”
“No, it’s not, Maeve.” His gaze fluttered over my bruised eyes down to my stitched-up lip. “What more can I do to prove it to you?” He held my hands, his fingers fiddling with my mood ring. “Because I’ll do it. Every day for the rest of my life if I have to.” His eyes held my gaze. “I love you, Maeve.”
“Don’t you get it?” My body shuttered, the tears welling in my eyes. “Everything is on my shoulders. I’m buried so deep I-I can barely breathe.”
“Let it go, Maeve,” he said. “Let some of it go.”
“How?” I asked. “Who’s going to take care of everything if I do that. What about Kasey? I can’t let her think she has nowhere to go.”
“So, you’re going to come to everyone’s rescue all the time? How about you? How about helping yourself for a change.” He held my shoulders. “It’s not your job to be her mother. She has one already.”
“Barely,” I said.
“It’s time for someone else to take over, Maeve. Don’t push everyone away so you have to do it all.”
“I just want better for her.” My face had become a sopping mess.
“I know. But this isn’t the way. Please. Let me help. You can’t keep doing this alone.”
“What if I’m not enough?” I felt the release in my chest with the admission of my greatest fear. “What if I’m not enough for you?”
Jacob pulled me close to his body. The blade of his finger trailed down my cheek and lingered near my lips. My eyes were held in his trance, mesmerized by the honesty they held.
“You are more than anything I could ever ask for. And no matter what, I won't give up on us. Even when things get shitty. Shittier than when you think to yourself it can't get any shittier than this.”
“I don’t know if I can do it, Jacob. Submit to this feeling. Love can rip you open, break you apart bit by bit.”
“And I’ll pick up every broken piece between us and put them back together with bleeding fingers if it’ll make you mine.”
I held my breath as he pressed his lips on mine.
“Do you love me, Maeve? Tell me if you do, because I’ve been waiting for you to say those words to me again.” His thumb grazed the tear that ran over my cheek. “Say it only if you’re sure. Only if you mean it.”
“I love you, Jacob. I’ve never been so sure of something my whole life.”
I
