“No.” He walked out of the room andthat was that.
But I’ve never been that person. Icould never take a no and leave it be. I had to poke it with a stick. I had togo one step further. I hurried after him and found him in his room kicking offhis work boots. “Gil--”
“I said no. I don’t even want to talkabout it. There’s nothing to talk about.”
I dropped to my knees and looked up athim. He kept his head down but I dipped my own, looking up into his eyes,forcing him to look at me. “Gil, you make me feel safe. You make me feel sane.You make me feel something that no one else can. Not my mother, not Carl. Notall the other yahoos I’ve dated or the ones I’ve fucked.”
“Jenny--” he started, sounding pained.
“I want you again.”
“No.”
“I want you all the way. Not just yourfingers in my cunt,” I said, mostly for shock value I admit. I wanted him tohear me even if it was because of coarse language or brusque words.
“Jen!”
“I do. Please, listen to me, Gil,” I saidand put my hands on his thighs. I stroked the soft denim that had been worninto submission for so long.
“Stop,” he said.
I shook my head, tears pricking myeyes. I pushed my hands higher on this thighs listening to the whispery soundmy skin made on his jeans. “Let me,” I said to him, head bowed.
He put his hand on my head, on my newclipped hair and my fancy blue streak. He tilted my head back and leaned downso he was bent over. Eye to eye he said, “Go to bed, Jennifer.”
I shook my head and kissed him. Hepulled back for a moment and I chased him with my mouth, kissing him again. Thesound he made half broke my heart, but not enough that I stopped. He kissed meback, his mouth sweet and hot and hoppy from the beer.
I tugged at his buckle, his buttonfly, his boxers. I took his cock in hand and dipped my head and licked the tipof him until he stopped his soft protests.
I sucked him deep and he said, “God,Jenny, fuck. I’m your father.”
“Almost,” I said. “But not quite. Andnothing that is almost ever counts. Not in love or war or marbles.” I lickeddown his cock until he moved under me like a wave. His finger tugged the shortstrands of hair that kissed my jaw and he thrust up under me, moving so thathis cock slammed deeper into my mouth. I pressed his legs flat and immobilewith my upper body so I could control how far down I went, how deeply I wouldtake him. I stole his power and thusly his guilt.
“Jenny, you can stop. You can stop nowand we’ll pretend. We’ll pretend we never did this. We never crossed this line.We never strayed from what’s right.” Each word was a breath he blew out. Eachone accented by a jittery thrust of his trim hips and the warm silky slide ofhis flesh over my lips. Each utterance was accented by the sight of his fist clenchingmy mother’s fancy bedding and the groan that he gave when I cupped his balls,set me on edge. I wanted to make him come. I wanted to taste the salty flood ofhim in my mouth.
“No,” I said. “No. I don’t want tostop.”
And I didn’t want to and I didn’tstop. I sucked him harder and he barked out words I couldn’t understand andthen he was coming, a warm rush of his orgasm on my tongue, trailing down mythroat, stickying my mouth with warm wet whiteness. I rested my forehead to hispubic bone, my new fancy fringe tacky with his fluids.
“Come up here,” he said and I climbedto him. He kissed my mouth which shocked me. It was something Carl would neverdo. Gil kissed me deeply curled me to him and I dozed off. I could feel hisheartbeat steady and true against my shoulder and his soft breath on my face.
I awoke a bit later to a fireman’scarry. Gil carried me over his shoulder up the steps, the stairs creaking underour weight, the world swaying with each step he took. He didn’t know I wasawake and he laid me on the bed, yanked off my jeans as gently as possible. Heleft my tee on and my panties. He kissed my forehead and my nose. And almostlike an afterthought, he kissed my mouth. A tender kiss that made my hearttwist up sideways in my chest.
“I’m sorry, Jen. I never should havelet you. But god, I don’t think I’ll shake the reminder that you did. Or thesmell of you. Or the feel.” He brushed my hair off my forehead and I sigheddeeply like I was asleep.
I wanted to reach up and touch him. Iwanted to kiss him and ask him to come to bed with me. I wanted to open mythighs and beg him to take me. But the back door slammed and Carl was home andbefore I could decide what I would actually do versus what I wanted to do, Gilhad left the room and crept back downstairs.
Chapter9
Carl took a shower before he climbedinto bed. I tried to lay there and wait for him awake. I wanted to know why aman would come home after two a.m. and take a shower. But I kept drifting inand out. When he came into the room and dropped his clothes, I smelled a sweetpuff of some feminine scent, but not enough to rouse myself to comment.
Carl climbed into bed with me andcurled himself to me. But when he touched me tentatively between the legs, Irolled away, mumbling like I was dreaming. Soon enough I was.
* * * *
I woke late again and Carl was gone.No note, no nothing, just missing money from my wallet. Probably for lunch orso he would say. I took a lazy shower, part of me oddly, insanely sad to feelmy hair go from tacky to smooth as the remnants of
