‘Why are you asking me that? Where are you? I have no idea where you even are. Where is Sydney? Is she all right? What about Adam?’
‘We’re all fine,’ said Hannah, smiling in spite of herself. ‘We’re living in Philadelphia at the moment.’
‘And why couldn’t you tell me that a year ago? I would have appreciated a call to let me know you were alive.’
‘I’ll be honest with you, Mother,’ said Hannah. ‘I thought you would be better off not knowing. That way, Lisa could not force anything out of you.’
Pamela was silent again.
‘Did Lisa stay in touch with you when she got out of jail?’
‘Yes, for a while,’ said Pamela in a frosty tone. ‘She came to see me several times. But when she realized I didn’t know anything of your whereabouts, communication dropped off sharply.’
‘I’m sorry, Mother,’ said Hannah. ‘For so many things.’
There was another silence at Pamela’s end, and Hannah girded herself to be berated again. ‘Hannah, I have to say,’ said Pamela, ‘I don’t think you were wrong to leave. There’s something that’s not right about that girl.’
Hannah felt her mother’s words of approval almost like an embrace. ‘Why do you say that? She didn’t hurt you, did she?’
‘She threatened me,’ said Pamela flatly. ‘She said that if I didn’t cooperate with her, I should fear for my life. I told her to get out. I actually had to call security. After that she would call me up just to bait me. It got so I couldn’t stand to speak to her. She is a very . . . unbalanced person. I always suspected it.’
Hannah was almost guilty about the relief she felt. ‘So, now you understand. That’s why we had to leave, Mother. We had to do it for Sydney’s sake,’ she explained.
‘Well, I’m sure you had your reasons.’
‘I didn’t want to leave you like that,’ Hannah whispered, ‘but I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t tell anyone.’
‘And now?’
‘She’s found me.’
‘Oh,’ said Pamela, startled.
‘She is stalking me. It’s . . . nerve-wracking.’ Hannah decided on the spot not to tell her about the subway attack. There was no use in it. Pamela would only be terrified for her and there was nothing she could do about it. ‘I’ve decided to call her and arrange a meeting. But her old number doesn’t work since I canceled the service. I wondered if you had her current one.’
‘Arrange a meeting? Why would you want to meet with her?’
‘As it is, I feel like I am constantly looking behind me, constantly fearful of the . . . unexpected. I just want to get this over with.’
‘Do you have any idea how much she hates you now?’
Hannah remembered the push that landed her on the subway tracks. ‘Yes, I think I do.’
‘You be careful, Hannah. She is a dangerous person.’
‘I know that. And I appreciate your concern. I will be careful. Do you have that number, Mom?’
‘Yes, I have it here,’ said Pamela, and Hannah could picture her mother, searching for the white-leather address book embossed with orchids that she continued to use. Pamela cleared her throat, and read the number.
‘Thank you.’
‘Be very cautious around her,’ Pamela warned. ‘She is not . . . like other people.’
‘I know that. Probably something I did . . .’
‘Oh, for heaven’s sakes,’ said Pamela impatiently. ‘Not everything is a mother’s doing. Look at you. You’re much nicer than me.’
Hannah smiled. ‘I don’t know about that,’ she demurred. ‘I just feel that I should have seen it. I should have been more . . . alert. Called her on her behavior. I always made excuses for her because she was so smart. I used that to explain away things that I knew were wrong. I shouldn’t have.’
‘It wouldn’t have mattered,’ Pamela proclaimed. ‘She was born that way, if you ask me. You two were good parents. There was no reason for her to become so . . . pitiless.’
Pitiless, Hannah thought. That’s a good description. ‘Thank you, Mother,’ she said humbly.
‘Are you coming back home?’
‘I don’t know what I’m doing. But I’ll let you know, all right?’
‘Be careful,’ said Pamela. ‘I mean it.’
I know, Hannah thought. She said goodbye and told her mother that she loved her. Pamela was too taken aback to reply and only muttered again that Hannah should take care. Hannah ended the call feeling better than she had in a long time. She had spoken to her mother. Whatever happened, she had talked to Pamela and told her that she loved her. It helped somehow. It helped.
Hannah looked at the number and thought about dialing her daughter. But she felt somehow too vulnerable in her bathrobe and socks. She went to the closet and began the painful process of dressing. Once she was in yoga pants and a bulky sweater she felt better, as if she still had some measure of control. She went into the kitchen and got herself something to drink, thinking, as she closed the refrigerator door, that she needed to work on that task immediately. Then she sat down at the little kitchen table, and picked up the phone. Her hand trembled as she held it. She took a deep breath, and dialed.
Her heart thudded and her hands were shaking so badly as she listened to it ring that she actually dropped the phone on the tabletop. She scooped it up quickly and held it to her ear. It was still ringing. Then she heard a click.
There was a rustling sound and then a familiar voice said, ‘Leave a message.’
Hannah hesitated, disappointed to get the prerecorded message. She was about to hang up then changed her mind. ‘Lisa, this is . . . your mother. I am calling because I want to see you. I need to speak with you. I know that it was you
